Chasing dreams

By Deliberately Evolving

Fri, 07 Aug 2015
  • 1147 reads
5 comments
 
 
I see a flash of white ahead  
a distant glimpse of hope,
heading not towards me,
but away.
 
If only I was faster, could maybe
run the speed of light,
catch up and grasp it,
hold on tight.
 
Away - it disappears from sight,
no longer can I follow - so
I slow, I sigh, despondent in
defeated woe.
Certificate U
Poem
Philosophy

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

You've caught the feeling very neatly of the yo-yo excitement of bubbly hopes, and disappointments that can tantalize and breed despondency. It reads and flows well, and it thought-provoking.
It is why I have to come back to the secure promises of Jesus that are a firm promise to hold on to however I feel, and commit frustrations to him, and ask how to use my time. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi AE.

I like the twist in the first stanza - that you saw hope ahead, but that it was getting away. The second two stanzas have an end rhyme pattern which you haven't done in the first . Perhaps you changed a word? But if it were mine, I'd keep it consistent in this one. Agree with Bear about the 'Anyway', 

It's a poem expressing anxiety, frustration and disappointment, and I think it does it well. Hopefully writing helps. 

X

Bee

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Thanks Bee. I will have a think about your suggestion. Can't think of an immediate fix without changing most of the first stanza but I see your point.

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by EB on

It's like one of those dreams where things keep just out of reach. Except it's not a dream it's real life. 

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Exactly - just keep waiting to wake up.

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.