Invasion of the Smombies

It's probably a bit early yet but I'd like to make my nomination for the
word of the year, it is, drum roll please, 'Smombie.'

A term minted to describe those annoying people who risk life and limb
waddling along the pavement or out into traffic because they can't
tear their attention away from whatever nonsense is happening on
their smartphone.

They're everywhere, under my feet and probably yours every time you leave the
house. Department of Transport figures for 2014 show that 25% of
fatal accidents on the roads were caused by pedestrians not looking
where they were going.

My own, much less scientific assessment of the situation reveals that
100% annoyance with your fellow humans has its roots in a significant
proportion of them being so obsessed with their phone they ignore
everything else. Seriously the aliens could land and these dopes
wouldn't know about it until someone put a selfie with a flying
saucer on Twitter.

Cities around the world are taking action to deal with the smombie menace,
mostly by, as they've done in Antwerp and Chongquing, by creating
special lanes so these unfortunates don't get in the way of everyone
else.

Staff at Salisbury Cathedral have decided to move a statue called 'The
Kiss' because dopey visitors keep bouncing off it like bumping cars
at a fairground. Love to see those status updates, 'just trampled an
artwork lol. #dimphilistine.'

It's a sad sign of even sadder times that even when faced with the
transcendent beauty of a cathedral, a place soaked in the hopes,
fears and highest aspirations of ordinary men and women for centuries
a significant proportion of visitors are more interested in looking
at their phones.

The zombie reference is all too apt, the voodoo of technology has turned
them into shambling shells of human beings. Thought, imagination and
any kind of initiative have been replaced by a a few repetitive
actions that serve no discernible purpose.

This must be the most convenient for the people who presume to govern us,
a nation of vapid self-absorbed zombies endlessly scrolling through
banal status updates must be a breeze to lead. They're far too busy
doing nothing to ask awkward questions or notice how much of a mess
is being made of things.

 Hidingout in a panic room filled with toilet rolls and tinned food would be
going a bit far though, after all if the Smombies are on the march
they're probably so busy playing Angry Birds they won't notice that
open manhole until they fall down it. Darwinism foils doomsday once
again.