Five Months Later

As he came out through the double-doors he turned and took a last
look in at the corridor, as if in desperation. Turning again he came
upon the car park. It was quiet and still, as it probably always was
during lesson time.

The gray sky that seemed to be accelerated by the uncompromising wind
bore down on him, and he rushed off with quick steps. If he was leaving
he may as well leave.

His short college career amused him for a second as he made his way
along the broken pavement. "Started late, then finished early." Hardly
unique though, Jacob presumed.

The amusement though, quickly turned to worry, as it so easily can. To
get back to school was what he had wanted so badly, for so long. He had
worked hard for this success, and yes, he was a success, with his work
and with his fellow students. They had even been sorry to see him
leave.

And what about University? That had been the real dream. To prove
something to himself. There had been places for him at Bath and
Portsmouth. He could have easily made those grades. Not now though,
University had once again become a distant dream.

But Jacob had to be sensible. He alone had made the decision, and after
deciding to marry Daisy he had quit college, and that was that. And on
Monday he would start work again, back on the building site. He would
have liked to have found something a little bit better, but he
couldn't. He needed a quick money job, earning enough to support Daisy
and her little boy. That meant a job with no future, no future for any
of them.

He cut through the shopping centre, and at the other end there was a
pub. The smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol breaths repelled him, but
the thought of a relaxing drink out of the cold pulled him in.

Finding a table he sat down with his glass in a gloomy corner. He
thought of Claudia, so many miles away. He thought of how she had
seemed so near to him before, but how far away she felt now. She wasn't
watching out for him any longer, and Jacob was on his own, alone with
his decision. Her words, in her voice, rang through his head:

"When the English girl asks you to a party because you have wonderful
eyes, miss me. When you speak English, miss me. To have a good friend,
miss me. But most of all, miss me very much."

He had complied with Claudia's wishes for a long time. But then for a
moment he hadn't missed her, or longed for her as he should have done.
And in that moment it had happened, and he had been caught up in
Daisy's web. And as it had happened he felt Claudia watching, but now
she had stopped and was gone, and he longed for her more than
ever.

FIVE MONTHS LATER

Driving home from work the sweat from his back soaked his shirt and
held him stuck fast to his seat. He really should have gone home,
straight out of the clothes that were dirty from the building site, and
into the shower. But something stopped him from turning right, and he
turned left, into the pub car park. It wasn't the thought of drinking a
beer that made him act against his better judgement; it was the thought
of going home.

He took a seat at the bar, ordered a drink and lowered his eyes, not
wanting to attract anyone's attention. From his pocket he drew out a
packet of Marlboro. He lit one and inhaled. The blue smoke from the
smoldering end rose in pretty curls, suspended on the sunlight that
flooded the bar. This was one of the things that really got him. Daisy
had got him smoking. She hadn't actually force fed him cigarettes of
course, or even asked him to smoke. But he had never been a smoker, and
now he was, just because she smoked.

"God. I really brainwashed myself," he thought. Not now though, now he
could see through it.

Finally, after thinking for a long time he rose from the bar and drove
home. Back to the flat where he lived with Daisy and her little
boy.

He kissed her on the forehead and smiled as he went in, but he could
not bring himself to speak. She gave him coffee which he drank in the
bathroom as tears flooded his eyes and ran down his dirt stained
cheeks, leaving clear lines in their wake.

The water from the shower scorched his back that was still hot from the
sun, and as he showered the sand and cement fell from his body and
rushed down the plughole. His body was clean, but that was all, and at
that moment he knew that he couldn't do it any longer, he couldn't come
home to Daisy any more.

Late in the evening when all his energy had disappeared, along with the
sun, Jacob laid himself out on the couch wearing only shorts. The baby
was asleep in the next room, and Daisy sat in a chair looking at him.
She seemed different tonight. Her eyes had that look of understanding.
The look they had when they first met; the look that had been absent
for five months. But still he could not look at her.

"You look troubled," she said.
"Yes," he answered.
"Why are you troubled?"
"Because I feel as if I am slipping," he said calmly.
"Oh Jacob," she said, "what are we going to do?"
"I've spoken to my brother. He says I can go and live there.
"Are you going?"
"Yes," he answered.
"Are you coming back this time?"
"No, I'm not coming back this time Daisy."