Omar's Diary Saturday 14th April 2018 - Grand National Day
By Alan Russell
The Servants move some equines, Mitsie misbehaves and Omar and Man Servant have selected four horses for The Grand National
The Servants had a very busy day yesterday as they moved two of their equines to a stable yard closer to home. That makes seeing the equines easier for my Servants but the downside is that I will probably be seeing even less of my Servants, especially during the coming summer months.
After yesterday’s travails I believe that Man Servant has now qualified for a ‘Yorkie Bar’ whatever that is. My understanding, however transient, of this is that members of the servant species who drive big conveyances of freight are quite partial to this particular brand of confectionery. Personally, I don’t understand the connection as I am perfectly happy with my Dreamies which I receive for absolutely no apparent reason.
Man Servant is complaining of stiff shoulders and forearms this morning. He says it is because the conveyance he drove yesterday, unlike the family limousine, did not have any power steering and did not have an automatic gear box.
Despite these whinges apparently the equines have settled into their new home very well and there will be reports of their behaviour included in forthcoming Omar Diaries; as if we did not have enough material already.
About two weeks ago my Servants took up ‘yoga’. From what I have seen on day time TV when the Servants have been at home ill ‘yoga’ has always looked to be very passive and relaxing. Man Servant returned home the other night and did not look at all well. There was vibrant perspiration on his face and he really did not look a good colour. No wonder he looked eternally grateful when he stepped into the warm embracing confines of Omar Towers to spend an hour soaking in the bath tub.
Mitsie, the other feline who despite being very ‘below stairs’ has worked her way upstairs really displayed her utter lack of sophistication and decorum earlier this week. I think it was the same night that Man Servant came home from ‘yoga’. She tucked into one of her meals rapidly and ravenously as if some one was going to steal it from her.
Not me I hasten to add.
Then in the most revolting display of tracheal rejection promptly returned everything she had eaten on to her placemat. It most definitely was not a case of ‘Vomit forth into the air’ (Marlowe) but more a case of straight on to the mat. We felines, unlike servants, are unable to place our paws in front of our mouths when this highly involuntary reaction takes place so I am not sure what colloquial term we could apply. I do know that servants have a series of expressions, including ’five finger spread’, that with their comedic connotations attempt to mask the sheer baseness of this type of event.
There was nothing comedic about Mitsie’s behaviour.
Today sees the 171st running of The Grand National at Aintree near Liverpool sometime in the afternoon. Forty equines are listed as the runners in this spectacular race which marks the end of the main part of the National Hunt Season. The going has been described as ‘heavy – soft in places’. Man Servant was extremely rude and said that was a suitable description of my own body mass. Lady Servant insisted he apologise to me which he did somewhat begrudgingly.
I may be ‘A little heavy but no less divine’ (Byron).
For the record Man Servant and I have selected four horses that we are going to place small wagers on at the turf accountants in the nearby town. Those selections are:
FINAL NUDGE 33/1
ANIBALE FLY 12/1
TIGER ROLL 12/1
Normally with investment offers there is always the caveat. Man and Lady Servant have a friend of their own species named Sue Dunn and I have been asked by them both to explain to her in this column that a caveat is not a type of neck wear that gentlemen wear. No, these investment offers always state that ‘past performance is not a measure of future performance and the value of your investment may etc etc etc etc. Well, let me assure you that in the case of Man Servant’s racing selections I am afraid to advise that his past performance is probably a good indicator of his future performance. Any investment he makes or advises on in racing are guaranteed to go down quicker than a faller at Becher’s Brook.
Good luck everyone.