These Make the World Smile

"I bet you can't make me cum," she said.

"I bet I can, my tongue is magic," I replied, the taxi driver staring at me in the rear view mirror.

"No-one has ever made me before."

"You've never had me before." I paid the taxi driver and we walked the short path to her front door. The house was a mess, take-away boxes and empty beer cans littered the hallway, kitchen, stairs and living room. This place hadn't been cleaned in a while. We lit cigarettes and opened a bottle of red. There were no clean glasses, in here there was no clean anything. We passed the bottle back and forth, taking a hit each.

"I've got some E," she said.

"Drop me," I replied, I'd not had E in such a long time. She went up to her room, her footsteps made louder by the crunch of pizza boxes under foot. In a few minutes she returned with a small bag of pills and handed me one and swallowed one down herself.

The wine continued to flow and we soon needed another bottle. As the pills took over she stripped down to her thong and sat on my lap. "Think you can handle the challenge?"

"I can handle it, baby." We kissed passionately and soon my t-shirt was off, quickly followed by my shoes, socks and jeans. I pushed her off, took another hit of wine and pulled her thong off with my teeth. She was clean shaven like a porno star. I got down to her cunt and began to lick and tease her clitoris. I put some fingers in and she moaned in pleasure. I continued with my moves, running my tongue over her clit and alternating fingers and tongue in her pussy. After 10 minutes she came hard on my face. We sat up and drank some more wine down, finished the bottle and got another one. "Gimme another pill, this is amazing... I feel so... in love with the world."

"Not with me, you can't love me. If you fall in love with me I'll use you, I can't guarantee that I'm not going to fuck around on you, but right now... you're all I want, well... you and another pill." We took another pill each and she sucked my cock till I came in her mouth.

The second pill kicked in about five minutes later and we felt good. The colours of the posters on the walls seemed to vibrate, the music on the hi-fi danced out of the speakers, I could feel each note like it was licking my face, I felt enveloped in it, sheltered in it, happy.

"I have depression," she told me. "It's real bad, but this," she held the bottle up, "and these," she shook the baggy, "make everything OK. I can live on these and be OK, Prozac did shit, therapy did shit, but these," she shook the bag again, "make the world smile, they make me smile, they make... me wanna fuck! They make me so horny, they make me want to live."

"Baby, it's all good." I said.

"Let's do all the pills!"

"Baby, that's not a good id.." she cut me off mid word.

"Everything seems like a good idea right now, Jay, everything.. I wanna do these pills, lets roam the streets, bring a homeless woman home, bathe her and we can take turns fucking her, she'll be so grateful, she can live with me and I'll look after her, I have all she'll need."

"That's crazy talk."

"We'll go hug a police man, I'll tell him that if he lets me fuck myself with his truncheon, I'll suck him off!"

"Heather, that's madness! You'll get arrested!" Somehow, regardless of how drunk or high I was I could always maintain a level head and not do anything too stupid. Heather could not.

"Let's do another pill."

"You go ahead." Heather dropped another pill down and I opened more wine. The CD finished and I looked through her collection, I wanted Jazz, she wanted Metal we settled on blues.

"You gotta do another with me, you gotta! This stuff is the best! You can feel how I feel."

I thought about it, the previous two pills had well and truly kicked in, I was feeling the love, feeling the moment. I indulged her. We collapsed on the sofa, wrapped up in each other, our hands exploring one-another's bodies feeling every single part, feeling the euphoria of skin on skin.

"I love you right now, but in the morning, you'll just be Jay from the pub."

"I can handle that." I slipped my cock inside her and we made love on the sofa for what felt like hours. We finished off, she never came I guessed earlier was just luck. We lit cigarettes and took more hits from the bottle and just sat back on the sofa staring into each others eyes. I could feel the love, feel her breath, feel her soul, she looked back at me, wine stained lips kissed my neck.

"I want to die," she said.

"Pardon?"

"I want to die, I don't want this feeling to end, let's die together."

"What're you talking about?"

"Let's go out... blaze of glory, let's do every pill in this bag, and then anything else we can find, there's bound to be more somewhere around here."

"I'm not really sure..."

"We'll go out fucking. We'll fuck and fuck and die in orgasm, our hearts will explode together, kiss the mundane goodbye, let's do it." She leapt off of the sofa, a line of cum dribbling down her thighs, she reached down, wiped it off with her hand and licked it clean. "Baby you taste good."

Five minutes she was gone and five minutes I spent thinking over her suggestion. I couldn't leave her now, not alone, not for anything. I sat and mulled it over, sat and listened to the walls breathe, sat and watched colours dancing, sat and thought about life. "Heather, I'm not into that, fuck that shit, baby come sit down, lets drink and fuck!"

"Ok," she called down from the top of the stairs, "I just gotta piss."

Two minutes passed.

Five minutes passed.

Ten, fifteen minutes passed. I opened another bottle of wine, took a piss in the back garden, drank some and shouted up the stairs, "Heather, what the fuck you doing?" I went up the stairs and knocked on the bathroom door.

"It's heaven in here, all the little fishes, all the pretty water, the pretty little ripples."

"Ok, baby I need to piss," I lied, "You gotta come out."

"I can't do that, Jay."

"Why not?"

"Look in the bin..."

I looked into the bin outside the bathroom door, three empty packets of paracetamol, four packets of aspirin, the bag that the E was in empty too.

"Oh shit, Heather, what've you done?"

"I've done it all Jay, I've done it all. I've never felt so good." The next I heard was her puking.

"Oh shit, open the door." My drugged induced euphoria had quickly turned to panic.

"I can't do that, baby, I'm happy in here, there's love all around, there's spiders and their webs and the fly that just won't die."

"Fucking open the door." I kicked at it, it gave but she was sat against it on the other side.

"If i open the door will you fuck me? Make love to me before I die?"

"Baby you open the door and I'll do anything you want."

The door opened, she walked through, her naked body covered in vomit. I got a towel and cleaned her down as best I could. "You really want to die? I could give you something to live for."

"You're not allowed to love me, I'll destroy you."

"What if it's already too late for that?"

"Then I've destroyed you, see?"

"Heather," I pleaded, "not this way."

"Just hold me whilst I sleep. I need to sleep."

"Baby let me call you an ambulance, they can fix this." I took my mobile out of my pocket, she grabbed it and tossed it in the toilet.

"Just hold me whilst I sleep." Her voice was calm. I didn't know what to do.

"OK, OK, we'll sort this in the morning," drug induced hope now spoke for me.

"Baby, there won't be a morning. Just hold me." We went into her bedroom and lay on the bed, her breath rancid with the smell of sick. She cuddled into me and fell asleep. Tears streamed down my face.

I didn't sleep for hours, I kept checking her breath, kept checking for a pulse but eventually the drink and drugs took their toll and I, too, slept.

In the afternoon I awoke and just held Heather tight, tears flowing like a river but I made no sound.