Orbital (fourth position)

By alphadog1

Wed, 04 Feb 2015
  • 1100 reads
4 comments
 

 

In bating strokes of now decreasing orbits,
She floats into view from the warming rise.
Her fine sinews, are hidden by sharp flutters,
That slowly twist in elipitical flirts that climb;
While the bloom - once prone-  in nights cold slumber, 
Then starts awake to face this: her rising golden dawn.
With each considered and complete caress,
she strokes her, parting  her soft petal flesh.
That slowly opens with the slightest of sighs,
which then  rises to force the stilling  of time;
To now with the rising reach of thier slow aching  limbs,
That even  causes the dawn birds softcall to slowly dim.
To  here: where triumphantly, and without  burden  
Her long strong spear  will  leave a welcome kiss, 
As she  then suckles as she slowly penetrates.
To  engorge  with more than the merest hint of bliss
And so finaly to shine in their divine  nakedness. 
And so to perhaps their just reward:-
The secret gift of pollen and nectar deep
That tastes so delicious and just so sweet.

© adh2015

Certificate 15
Poem

Comments

Submitted by alphadog1 on

I made a slight  change  in the forground of the poem  with the addition of  the metaphor and alliteration of "strong spear"  and the adverb engourge, perhaps a quaint word, but I like it and it adds to the image at the end 

 

Submitted by celticman on

yes, I like it too. 

 

Submitted by alphadog1 on

I'm studying  the complexities  of poetry analysis, and  wortking these notions  into this poem  that will be changing.  I already  have several  other tools  to use, such as internal  and external deveation  and inversion, though the meaning behind this is not clear yet. 

 

Submitted by alphadog1 on

Unlike  other poems I'm actually understanding  the craft so much better now. What was unconcious is becoming concious, I expect  that this will shape my work  to come. But  sadly, the sort of childlike  stumbing about with  words and word play that I loved  so much is fading.