Black Hole

I'm lost in a black hole, and I can't find my way out
My life is fucked up of that there's no doubt
I want to be strong and I want to survive
I want to feel happy and really alive
But I know that wont happen, there's no chance indeed
Because I am a smoker of the evil weed
It's stolen my dreams my happiness and hope
And the only time I relax is when I'm on dope
But it's not real relaxation it's only been loaned
And lasts just as long as the effects of being stoned
And when you wake in the morning after your nightly session
You're just left with the tiredness and the dragging depression
Your energy's left you and you just feel a mess
And things keep happening, filling you with stress
You can't cope with the shopping the kids or the cleaning
And the house is so dirty it's really demeaning
I want a nice house that I can show visitors with pride
Not greet my guests with embarrassment killing me inside
But it's not my bad house keeping that makes me so dumb
It's being a shit partner and an even worse mum
I've got two great kids, of that's there's no doubt
But I'm not the best mother because I'm always strung out
I don't read them stories and find their presence a chore
And I find taking them places is just a real bore
But I want to be better before it's to late
Because my children are growing at a terrible rate
I want to look at their faces with eyes full of love
Not feel like slapping them and giving them a shove
I want to bathe their soft skin and then dry it with care
Then hug their warm bodies and smell their sweet hair
I want to tuck them in bed and read them stories from books
And leave them with the night-light on so they don't get the
spooks
I want to be the good mother I always thought I would be
I want to give up the dope and be drug free
The answers in my hands and only I can choose
Drug free I win, addiction I lose