S: Shifter

Where do you go, in Hick land USA, when you gotta eat something late
at night? I mean someplace where there's a lot of variety. Someplace
where if I want Mexican, Italian, Chinese, or just good ol' plain
American, I can get my fill. I'll tell you it ain't at no burger joint
that's for sure! There's only one place I know where you can get
international "cuisine" into the wee hours of the mornin', while it's
still dark. Wal-Mart.

So that's where I started lookin'. I got there about midnight and
started checkin' things out, beginning with the broad at the door. I
went into the food center side of the joint and it was as crowded as if
it were Saturday afternoon. The summer made folk restless in the
boondocks. Everyone was going somewhere, or just sitting outside taking
in the night air.

"Evening Sir, welcome to Wal-Mart", she said with an apathetic smile. I
gave a perfunctory nod and strode past her. More than pleasingly plump,
and well past her prime. She's not what I was looking for. I walked
through the produce section adjacent to the bakery/deli. The remnant
odor of the day's rotisserie chicken had my juices flowing. I sneaked a
morsel of cake form the sample plate unguarded. Chocolate. I love
chocolate. Down through the meat department now. I heard the Russian
floor cleaners arguing about something to do with the areas they're
supposed to scrub. "Do-bray Noche" I said.
The looked at me strangely. Shocked to find a black Russian, vodka
free. Just one of the few languages I'd picked up doin' wet work. They
were cool. Not on the agenda.

Passing the dairy section, I spotted him. Tall. Really tall. This guy
had to be about six-nine or ten. His hair was jet black. The skin
wasn't the pale anemic complexion in the movies. He was tan. Tan like
he'd just come from the salon?.or just eaten. Great. His face is
definitely Sicilian. High cheekbones deep set eyes, black and shiny
like wet asphalt. He wore a black pea coat like the ones worn by old
seamen. He was standing there, apparently contemplating his next
course. What was it second? Third? It doesn't matter. All that matters
is that the hunger gets satisfied and the he's home before
sunrise.

**********************************
The problem with small towns is that everyone's so laid back that when
something weird happens they just say oh well, that's the way it goes
and leave it at that.
That is until someone dies. Or goes missing. Then it's oh lordy, lordy
what we gonna do now. Then they call in a professional to handle
things. Somebody like the mayor or the town counsel brings you in for a
proposition.

Mayor William Robert Tawdry, Billybob to his friends, was the prop guy
in this case. I wasn't one of his friends. I just liked saying Beeelee
Baaoowb. Cracked me up all the time. I'd been called in to his office
in one of those special emergency meetings that go on late in the
afternoon when folks realize that after dark there's gonna be some
serious body snatching going down .Billybob looked about fifty, his
combed over hair was still a dirty blond. The beige shirt was open at
the collar, two buttons down showing a tuft of unusually dark hair. His
beach ball gut hung over his belt covering half of his hunter green
slacked thighs. He could barely pull the huge office bureau close
enough to him to write on. Talk about fat, dumb and happy. His
assistant Amsel Etheridge stood next to

him behind the desk, looking like a sleazy game show host. Tawdry
looked over my credentials and grunted in the usual southern slur of
contempt reserved for outsiders.

"Bocephus Cobb? How'd you wind up getting a name like Bocephus?"

"Guess my Mama always liked Ol' Hank Williams Jr." I smiled my most
engaging smile and leaned back in my chair. Something's not right about
this guy. When something wasn't right people used to say "I smell a
rat." Not me. I smelled dog. This guy's definitely dog.

The naked light bulb was old and gave the cracked, painted walls of the
office the faint yellowish shade of watery piss.

"Well Bocephus," Billy bob said, "it seems like we've got ourselves a
little situation. I don't rightly know how to put this so as to not
sound plum squirrelly but," he shifted in his seat and glanced at his
aide, embarrassed. His assistant gave a nod of encouragement as if to
say " 's alright boss, go ahead".

"?.Folks have started going missin' 'round here right much as of late,
been turnin' up dead too."
"Folks go missing all the time Mayor, what's that got do to with me?
You've got a police department for that."

"That's part of the problem, er, Boce--,"

"Just Boz, it's easier."

"Okay then, Boz, our police just can't seem to get a handle on things.
Seems some of their own have turned up dead too." He shook his bloated
head. "We just don't know what to make of it. Amsel here thinks it's
Vampires so we looked you up and called you in."

Amsel stepped around from behind the desk where he stood next to Billy
bob. His thin face and brown, beady eyes gave me the willies. He had
enough grease in his hair to supply the local Shriners's annual fish
fry. He was tall but hunched over slightly. His hands were thin and
stained yellow from incessant cigarette smoking. He grinned his thin
professional grin. Perfect teeth. He spoke rapidly, sounding like a
good ol' boy car salesman, hands gesturing to emphasize certain
words.

"You see Boz, I've been researching the situation and I think I've come
up with at least a, reasonable scenario."
"Okay?," I said

"We've had an upswing of disappearances in the last fourteen weeks. You
with me?" he didn't pause for an answer. "?I traced the murders and
MIA's back to October thirty

first. Get it? October thirty first is Halloween right? So the way I
see it is that we've got some vampire cult going around celebrating and
things have gotten out of hand."

If the banjo twang accent didn't kill you, the logic sure could. If it
wasn't my first paying gig in a while, I'd have laughed out the door.
My insides were bursting with hilarity at these two. The smell was
getting worse.

"Problem solved, what do you want from me?."

Mayor Billy bob shifted his bulk and cleared his phlegm.
"You've been in this town just over fourteen weeks Boz. You don't work
anywhere except you say you've got this special exterminating business
that helps you pay the bills. No body sees you out and about in the day
time and most folks think your kind of strange. Now we know differently
Boz, don't get me wrong, folks around here talk. Stuff gets around. You
know how us small towns are. Everybody knows everybody."

I could see where this was going and I wasn't down for the ride.
Another thing I hate about Hick land USA is that someone's always
trying to give you the shaft with a smile, a wink, and a bowl of grits.
These guys were planning on doing just that. I got tired and I got
mad.

"Cut the bullshit fellas. We both know what the deal is here don't we?
You've got a problem and you want me to either solve it or take the
blame, right? If I'm not the solution to the problem I must be the
problem. That's what this meeting is all about. Yes?" they both looked
rather sheepish. I continued. "Alright then what's it gonna cost me to
get you dudes off my ass?"

They looked at one another for a moment. In times like these you just
gotta wait and be quiet. Finally Tawdry spoke up.

"Well Bocep-"

"I said it's Boz."

"Alright, alright? Boz, the city counsel and I have agreed to pay you
your standard fee to see to it that the killing and disappearances end.
We'll take care of any expenses incurred to that end?.er, within limits
of course."

"And if I decide to refuse your offer?"
Between thin grinning lips with perfect teeth Amsel says
"We bring you up on any and all cases occurring in the last fourteen
weeks."

So there it was. The offer wasn't as bad as it could've been after
all.

**********************************

"Buona Notta!" I smiled affably at Mr. Mysterious. He looked at me as I
passed. They're always surprised when a black guy speaks something
other than slang.

He returned the greeting. I sensed his eyes following me. I sensed his
mind calling ahead. Another one! I spotted him just as I rounded the
corner between the juices baby clothes. He was about a yard away from
me. Dressed like his kins-vamp. Tall, tan, black hair, pea coat, deep
eyes of blackness. They could nearly be twins. This one is a mcuh
older. I can tell.
"Buona Notta" I said again as I approached him.

Prepared and unperturbed, he replied. "Buona Notta"
"Como si chiama?"
"Mi chiamo Archangelo e tu?
"Bocephus." I turn partly, feeling the other come up behind.
I said. The cut was quick and fatal. His head flew across the room
bouncing off the glass doors. I sighed in relief. I returned to the
form of mortal man and started cleaning up. If you don't do that right
away the place will start smelling like open sewage. Afterward I jumped
in the shower and ran it cold. Afterward, I donned my usual street
clothes; black jeans, red polo shirt, black wind breaker. Another
night's work's done. Time to collect.

Downstairs I checked all the securities and made sure everything was as
it should be. I grabbed my AMT Automag .22 magnum special shot and
stepped outside into the night. The stars winked at me. The Blessed
Moon was full and sensuous. I slid the gun behind my back under the
coat. About halfway between my house and the car I stopped. I smell the
smells of a summer night. The frogs stopped their sonata. The wind
stirred the trees slightly. I smelled rain in the distance. I smelled
and sensed lovers wrestling as one half a mile away. The night was
alive with the creatures of the dark. I smelled dog.

My eyes adjusted quickly to discern two forms standing in the shadows
of my honeysuckled wall. They realized that I've spotted them and moved
forward.

"Hey Beeelee Baaaoowb, hey Aaaymsel." I smiled at them and moved my
right hand behind my back. They stepped out into the faint glow of my
porch light. I moved a bit closer, away from the car and toward the
house.

"Didn't figure you'd come pay me a visit. I thought you'd meet me at
the office. What's up?"

Billy bob spoke. "Thought we'd save you the trouble of coming all the
way down town to square things away. So you got 'em?"
"Got who Billy?" I said easing off the safety lock.
" The vamps man, the vamps you were supposed to get fer us!"
"Yep Beeelee Baaaoowb, I guess I sure did," said I keeping my hand on
my piece,
"you got my money?"
"Uh?sure it's in the safe at the office we just couldn't keep that
amount of cash unsecured Boz, you know, just in case things didn't work
out." This from Amsel.

"Oh yea sure. No problem. Hey you guys sound a little hoarse or
something. You coming down with colds?

I sensed their discomfort at my question. I love playing games. Tawdry
seemed to grow in the waxing moonlight. His voice deeper,
gruffer.

"I don't reckon so Boz, why don't you come with us and get your dough
now? We can take your car."

"No thanks. Where's yours?" I was ready for what happened next.
A sudden roar came from one of them as they dashed forward.

Just as I figured. Dog.
I don't mean see spot run dog either. I mean 'arwoo werewolves of
London, Warren Zevon, dog.'
Both of them were in mid transformation. Tawdry's tuft of hair covered
his whole face. His teeth long and yellow in the night light. His eyes
were crimson as his ears continued ever pointier upon his head. His
mouth was still human but extended as they came after me. Etheridge was
already full fledged wolfling. The night echoed with two blasts from my
.22 mag. The shots hit perfectly between the eyes, taking most of their
brains with them.
Tawdry went down first. His roar cut short in mid-breath. Etheridge
gave a yelp and was no more. I didn't need to change to deal with them,
silver works fine. I Drove over to the mayor's office and cracked the
safe. No big trick to it. Being the seventh son of a seventh son, third
generation, has its advantages. The money was there. A cool ten grand.
I hid the notes in a duffle bag I had in the car. Seemed I'd worked up
an appetite. Chinese felt good to me right then. I stepped out into the
darkness of Hick land USA. As usual, everything was shut down except
for the big store that I'd left a few hours ago. Guess this time I'll
just go for something international. Something Asian. When I get there
I'll check the international foods section for Thai. If push comes to
shove, I'll get bored and go for Italian. Any way, the money will keep
me till the next gig. Then it's back to the hunting grounds for a
while.