The Time Machine of Thorrocks Manor - 11

“So, there you are again, Gargers! You are something of a slow-motion Jack-in-the-box this morning!”
“Yes, sir, there seems to be much to attend to this morning. I must admit that I am developing something of a slow-motion dizziness as well.”
“Not surprised. By the way, extraordinary news! As I’ve been crunching through my eggs ...”
“You’re not really supposed to eat the shells, sir.”
“Oh well, probably quite nutritious.”
“Yes, sir.”
“... I’ve been going through my post, and there’s a telegram here from Betty Thorrocks inviting me to a weekend shooting this weekend. Extraordinary because I haven’t heard from her for an age ... well, not since Bianco stopped talking to Randy Frumpington Forthtwit after the uncomfortable suggestion.”
“Oh yes, sir. Very regrettable. Very uncomfortable.”
“Indeed!”
“Sir, I am uncomfortably aware of the fact that your once-fluffy slippers are rather full of liquid, and I was woindering if I might remove them and pour their contents into the Aspidistra Ming-dynasty vase which Mr Woo acquired for you at such a remarkable price at that auction in Ruislip Manor, sir?”
“Lorst me there a bit, Gargs, but yes okay. But first, why, may I ask, do all the doors to the breakfast room have to be closed?”
“The better to avoid an unnecessary draft, given your current situation, sir.”
“Is that the truth, Gargs? Remember, please, that that is our thought for the day.”
“No, sir.”
“No, sir, what?”
“Just, no, sir.”
“Okay, well, could you open up all the doors to the breakfast room, please, and could you, please, while doing so, not indulge in your habit of performing some bizarre self-observing commentary? I will evince the passage of time by reciting a poem.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Right, let me see; oh yes, I know. Erect posture in the chair, hands clasped together in front of stomach, cheeks slightly solemn, I think, and here we go:
The Sloth and the Iguana
aherm
The Sloth and the Iguana had some tea
out of beautiful china cups;
the Sloth looked up to the chintz above
and then sank to the floor on one knee:
Oh beautiful Iguana, oh Iguana my love,
What a beautiful Iguana you are,
You are,
You are,
What a beautiful Iguana you are.”