A Chair's Life

A Chair's Life

"Watch out Armchair - heavyweight approaching from behind - armed with
ice-cream."

"Oooff, that knocked the stuffing out of me. Oh no, don't turn round
kid, ouch, oow you could have at least taken off your shoes. Now sit
still - no don't wriggle - oh no now you've caught your buckle in my
upholstery - don't pull now - ouch that hurts ???.. another snag. You
should be grateful you're made of wood, Dining Chair, at least you wipe
clean with a duster and a bit of polish."

"It sounds good but you ought to try it. The wax is OK, quite
soothing, but some of these spray - they are so cold. There you are,
nice and warm and quiet and suddenly someone comes up from behind and
attacks you with a blast of lemon zest or orange blossom. The citrus
ones are the worst - sting like crazy when they get into your joints.
I'm sure they loosen the glue too, my legs are going quite
wobbly."

"I wish this kid would sit still, my springs won't take much
more."

"Brace yourself, that ice-cream's starting to wobble - its going to
drop?.."

"Ooo, that is soooo cold, now its trickling all down my arms, and its
chocolate too, sure to stain. Don't rub it in, stop it, help,
help!

"Help's on its way, Armchair, just hold on - the mum's coming."

"Johnny, now look what you've done, come down from there at once. I
told you to sit still while you ate your ice cream. Now I'm going to
have to wash these covers."

"Sorry Mum."

"Go outside and play while I sort this mess out!"

"Oh no don't undress me please, spare my blushes. There's no need to
be so rough - I know you're mad, but there's no need to take it out on
me. Oh no now you've caught my covers round Dining Chair - don't pull
now, wait ???.. too late. Are you OK Dining Chair?"

"I don't know, I think my wobbly leg dropped off! OUCH! "

"I see it - she's picking it up and putting it on Table - must be a
job for the dad."

"Oh no, that means a hammer and nails and that hurts!!! I'm a Georgian
dining chair- meant for elegance and graciousness for goodness sake -
not body piercing."

"At least you're not sitting here naked - next time I'm coming back as
a sideboard - they don't get sat on!"

(c) Jan Harris 2002