COVERT OPERATION

COVERT OPERATION
BY GEORGE

Recently I had an opportunity to go on a most unusual travel excursion.
An acquaintance of mine connected me with a fellow of somewhat shady
character who dabbled in high-priced eccentric tours. My editor agreed
to absorb the bill so I was soon off with a small band of inquisitive
minds to a mysterious unknown destination.

We were immediately crammed into two tiny jeep type vehicles and rushed
through the back streets of town in a zigzagging pattern consisting of
many high-speed turns that tossed us considerably.

Near the edge of the city we were blindfolded and assured it was merely
a precautionary measure. The air of intrigue was exciting! As we
traveled on, I tried to identify sounds without much success. At one
point I heard a voice that appeared to be coming from a distant
mechanical speaker ask, "Do you want fries with that?" I was unable to
distinguish further due to our entry onto a bumpy dirt road. We were
tossed like rag dolls as our vehicles sped over rocks, bumps, and
occasional splashes of mud. Tree limbs brushed on either side and I was
able to presume we were in a forest of some kind. Soon the road
smoothed out and I felt the sun on my face.

A man who identified himself as our tour guide welcomed us and
apologized for the inconveniences. He stated the precautions were
necessary because we were visiting a Boneless Chicken Ranch.

I had never heard of anything so outrageous and was taken aback as were
my fellow travelers who uttered several mumbling sounds.

The tour guide filled us in on a lot of background information for the
facility. Most impressive was the news that the owner, through many
years of breeding, had developed a string of functioning boneless
chickens. Needless to say this method of reproduction was worth
millions and needed to be guarded against corporate hijackers and
various animal rights groups.

Our vehicles soon came to a stop and our blindfolds were removed. We
found ourselves within the confines of the ranch. We were not prepared
for the sight before our eyes.

Boneless chickens were all around us. They were pathetic! They
literally rolled around trying to grasp morsels of food. They couldn't
even raise their little heads above the ground. They stumbled about in
an awkward state as though intoxicated. We were truly startled by this
inhumane theatre of cruelty.

Our critiques were quickly overturned however. The owner of the
establishment greeted us fondly and gave us a walking guided tour. We
learned that unlike conventional chicken farms, these boneless chickens
lived exceptional lives. Cages were unnecessary so they were free to
roam about. A constant supply of food allowed them to eat whenever and
as often as they chose. Some of the larger birds were pointed out as
exceptionally plump due to the lack of confining bone structures. They
could literally expand like a balloon to abundant sizes making them
highly sought by the finest restaurants.

The owner assured us they lived comfortable pleasant lives that even
included piped in classical music. They were free to eat to their
hearts content and plump up until they passed away due to natural
causes. No boneless chicken was ever slaughtered. The shock of head
loss was never experienced which allows for a more content
entree.

The hen area was impressive. Some were laying eggs and some were
nesting. All were supported by gentle mechanical hands. We were told
their eggs were never taken from them, but allowed to hatch and be
raised by their mothers, which obviously added to their
contentment.

The last stop was to the packaging area. When a chicken reached its
maxim degree of plumpness it peacefully passed away during its sleep.
All plucking and carving was done posthumously. The chicken was then
gently placed on a comfortable cardboard tray, sealed in cellophane,
and rushed to clients, never frozen.

We were impressed! Our initial shocks and distaste for the Boneless
Chicken Ranch was a result of out ignorance. Once we realized what was
happening we truly agreed this was a delightfully humane way to raise
chickens.