Definately

I crawled with bloody hands through the broken shards of your
affection wildly and desperately dying to cling on to what wasn't there
as I looked through other possible routes around my being I found only
your countenance and my frustration at not being able to touch the
resurrection of the one thing that makes me happy with no voice I
scream so silent the world could hear as my throat bled again the salt
from my weeping eyes scorched and I looked to the sun for my vengeance
but the light from her just starved my pupils as I sat once again in
warm fields surrounded by the soothing volumes of play and young grief
with my friends these people I have left behind and I will never see
again the intense sadness I feel everyday for warm summers past kills
me with every passing image and thought that splits through my twisted
mind for the love I have today for you is of delicate form as it was
born from my lonliness and fear that my insanity would consume this
happy shell and I would lose everything once again like before I can't
apologise enough for my weaknesses although in your sweet complacency
you tell me to 'shut up' 'shut up' but the voices speak to me alone
when I think about what I have done and remember I am not a nice person
I am not a nice person I am not a nice person for this my love my debt
awaits but for now as we die together for four score years and ten I
will be with you and my friends forever and always without exception I
will not let you down in the end I want to be a person but I am too
afraid of everything which is why I lash and kick and scream out at you
because soon the thin thread of cognition and memory that dwells
yawning in my head will break and I think I should be alone for that I
think I should definately be alone.