End of an Era

2nd January 2021

Dearest mother,

I will find these letters hard to write.
It's simple logic that tells me I will never again see you or hear your
happy voice. It tells me that the long walks we used to take together
in the park at the back of our property, just you and me, talking about
life and love and anything else I needed advice on are a thing of the
past now. I understand that, even when things get complicated or messy
or painful that I can never again feel your comforting embrace (god,
I'm getting so soppy!) or have you wipe away the tears like you used to
when we were young. What is so hard is to accept all of these things in
my heart, where the 'little girl' me still lives. I want to scream and
thrash and wail that it's all so unfair, to shout at you why? Why did
you leave me? I will never stop needing you and you've left me!
However, in the end I know with both my head and my heart that you
could not have done anything else. It still hurts, and I'm not sure it
will ever stop, but at least I have those memories of us.
I think it's harder for me than it is for Bastian and Daniel, they
never needed you as much as I did (though I hate saying it). I feel so
stupid writing these letters, I guess it's good therapy for me. There
have always been things I have needed to tell you that would have taken
much longer than the time we had left to discuss. I'll always need to
talk to you and I suppose these letters will have to suffice. I guess
it's like talking to my subconscious or something. Great! Another
self-help gem? my life's full of these things.

Your loving daughter,
Alex.

14th April 2024

Dearest Mum,

Mark and I took the kids up to the falls today, they loved it! Jen
adored the cave under the falls and Peter stared hard into the water
then announced that he could see the Loch Ness monster, naturally Jen
wouldn't go in after that unless one of us came in with her. She
reminds me so much of myself when I was younger, wanting you to be
there for me every moment of the day. I remember when we all went up to
the falls on that fateful summer day when Daniel broke his leg. We took
a picnic lunch of cold roast chicken and salad with stewed apples and
custard for dessert. You made Daniel eat everything else before he
could have his dessert. I never told you this but I saw him vomit
everything up when he said he went to the toilet. He would do anything
to get sweets! I remember watching him and wondering whether the
animals would eat it. I think that scene planted the seed of my
bulimia. I used to sometimes think of that day when I threw up my lunch
or dinner in a college toilet. God! What would I have done without you
mum? I know I'll never be as strong or adventurous or even as kind and
gentle as you are, but I would be a lot less together than I am now if
it weren't for you pulling me through. I also know I didn't live up to
your expectations of me, and for that I'm truly sorry. Making you proud
was the one of the most important things in my life you know. I didn't
make it big like hotshot lawyer Daniel or gain international
recognition as an expert psychologist like Sebastian, but I'm happy
with my little life and that counts for something doesn't it? The
risk-taking gene must have just passed me on by!
I have to go now, Jen has homework she needs help with so I have to
get back home. Tonight I will look up at the stars and think of you. I
love you mum.

Alex.

26th September 2029

Dearest Mum,

This is one of those times when I would give anything for you to be
here. Mark filed for divorce on Tuesday and it's all over. He said he
couldn't be with someone he did not love any longer and now that the
kids are gone there is nothing holding him here. The hardest part of it
all is that Jennifer's wedding is almost upon us and we have decided to
keep up appearances for her sake, I don't know if I can be that strong.
I know that you would have been able to cope, you were always a tower
of strength. When dad died, I was too busy with my own grief to really
stop and think about how you felt, but you kept going, helping us all
and continuing your work. Through all these years and letters to you,
the reports of the children's progress and how life is here, I almost
feel like I'm giving something back to you, does that sound silly? I
once wrote how much Jennifer reminded me of myself, I now realise she
is much more like you than me, even down to her career choice. I swear
I never did anything to push her in that direction, she has been
fascinated with biology ever since high school and now has a promising
career as a geneticist at the Calwell institute in London. I guess
she's the daughter you never had? so strong.
Peter is doing well for himself as well. He will graduate with honours
on the 21st of February next year and has had offers from several law
firms already.
My children, so successful, so strong, so independent. Maybe the time
has come for me to do something for myself, like you did. I now
understand a little better your reasons for doing so. I still wonder
what things would have been like if you had stayed but I know that was
not what you really wanted in life. Dreams are something we must be
true to.
I have some dreams mother; I have the rest of my life to fulfill them?
my life!

Your loving daughter,
Alexandra

To: Alexandra Jane Macdonald
From: Dr. Jane Catherine Macdonald, Senior Research Officer. Second in
command Agronomy Division SyriusB mission.
Date: 4th October 2031
Time: 08.35 EST

My Dearest Daughter,

What can I say?
So much time has passed since we last talked, some ten years in fact.
I still love you as much, if not more than the day you were born. Not a
day goes by here that I do not smile and remember your pretty face or
think of your lovely messages. Yes, I did get them, they started
arriving here about 2 years ago and I have been reading one a day since
we got here which was about an Earth month ago. I only wish they could
have been sent directly to the ship, but as you know, our velocity did
not enable that.

The hard work of settling has begun and we are circling Khranis, a
beautiful blue gas giant orbiting SyriusB. I do not have time to send
you a long message so I shall write what I feel is most
important.
I love you my daughter. Your whole life you have strived to be what
you thought I wanted you to be. You never believed me when I told you
how proud I was of you, just yourself as you are. I love all my
children as you love yours, not because they are successful in their
careers or because of how much money they earn. These things have never
been important to me. It is the fulfillment of dreams, the reaching for
the stars that drives humanity. Dreams are something we must be true
to. I know in your heart you have been true to yours. To have children
was a dream I fulfilled many years ago, and I will always be your
mother. Now I begin to fulfill my dream of exploring the stars.

I love you always,
Mother.