The Expatriate Game.

The Expatriate Game.

By Oliver Murray

Camerero! Dos finos por favor!
Yes, you'll like our little group
We're a very friendly bunch at "Las Uvas "
("The Grapes").
Most of us are with our blonde second wives,
though Roly married a Spanish lass.
She gives him a terrible time,
doesn't understand our English ways
and is unfaithful as well.
So, on Fridays it's blazers at five o;clock,
Old Ron insists,
a las cinco de la tarde
after the siesta
and the blondes at six
after the shopping's done.
By the way, you couldn't lend me
cinco mil pesetas
Until my dividend arrives?
Old Ron. El Caudillo
(we only call him that behind his back)
goes through our weekly bulletin -
Mrs Baker's walking tours,
She'll take you up the arroyo
towards the pueblo.
You'll see the abandoned ermita
Come back along the lane by the finca.
We've watercolour classes,
flower arranging
golf trips to Torremolinos
our Christmas bash.
Never stuck for something to do.
This is our little square, our plaza major
The church is old, quite nice
Miss Walker goes there,
only one of us that does.
Family were recusant Catholic,
thinks she's class.
Lives with a woman, ahem,
companion.
Don't know why they built that
warehouse
half across the front of it,
but that's the Spanish for you.
And all those black hanging cables -
electricity seems to have been
an afterthought.
Workmen noisy and unreliable, but
if you speak a little bit of Spanish
they'll think you know a thing or two.
Your lady wife with you,
or coming later?
Jackson had to leave England
in rather a hurry
Some misunderstanding over the
Consumer Credit Act
Perhaps his good lady will follow.
But you're -oh, I see,
No, not to worry, old chap.
Yes, come to think of it,
Did I see him with you
in the supermercado yesterday?
Blond, nice looking chap?
Afraid El Caudillo is pretty strict
on what qualifies
as a wife or lady companion,
in our little group.
Still, see what I can do, old boy,
A few drinks can work wonders
With old Ron.
By the way was that another cinco mil
I saw in your wallet?
Camerero! Dos finos, por favor