Home truths

Home Truths

Think back to when you were little and remember all those famous little
sayings you were fed by your parents.
Here's just a few I can remember, so sit back and enjoy my
translations.

1) It's that traditional time of the day, when dear family members
gather, yes, it's dinner time.
There in front of your face, lies the hot steamy smell of cooked
dinner, singeing each tiny hair that lies up your nostril. That's when
you hear that same old voice, the same old predictable words, recited
each day,
:- "Come on love, eat up your dinner, just think about all those poor
people in the 3rd world countries, they'd be glad of a good hot
meal"
But, what mother is really trying to tell you,
:- " You ungrateful you little blighter, do you seriously think I enjoy
being bent over backwards for 2 ? hours cooking your damn meal? Now get
it ate before I lose my temper!"

2) Self-poking about number 1.
:- "Oh please darling, would you stop picking the fluff from your belly
button, it'll get infected and fall off. Oh look, it's gone all red
now."
But, what this loving parent really means is&;#8230;
:- " Give me a break, I don't exactly want to witness you picking out
all the grime that lies in that crusty hole of yours."

3) Wind, and no, it's not the flatulent kind!
:-" You shouldn't pull faces, for if the wind blows, it'll stay that
way forever"
Interpatation&;#8230;
:- Quit pulling those hideous faces, what must people think, and to
think you came outta my womb."

4) Self-poking about number 2.
:- I wish you wouldn't pick your nose, you'll pick it so much your
brains will fall out."
This totally over the top parent means.
:- Don't be so vulgar, haven't I taught you any manners."

5) Our Father&;#8230;
:- "You'll never get to heaven if you don't say your prayers."
In other words.
:- "You can be a little cunt sometimes, the very least you can do is
beg for forgiveness"

6) Personal hygiene
:-" If you don't brush your teeth, they'll fall out"
And this really means..
:- " Do you think I'm made of money to pay for all your dentist bills
to come and besides, your breath stinks."

7) Oh Santee&;#8230;
:- " Try and go to sleep for Santa will know if your not and won't
deliver all your presents"
The real truth around this is.
:-" If you don't go to sleep, not only will your childhood dreams be
forever destroyed by catching us putting your presents under the tree,
but, me and ya daddy want to get together and celebrate the Christmas
spirit, do ya know what I mean!!"

8) Mother Nature. And God?
:- " Don't be going and standing on those little innocent bugs, God
will get very angry and make it rain"
And this holy translation&;#8230;
:- " Do you think I want you trapsen in here with all that fly shit on
your shoes?"

9) Veggies&;#8230;
:-" Eat up your greens, they're good for you"
The truth behind this&;#8230;
:- You see, if you eat your greens, they make you shit easier. Like I
really enjoy getting up at 4 in the morning listening to your constant
crying and whining cause you're constipated?"

10) Breaky..
:- " Hurry up and have your breakfast or you'll be late for
school"
What mother dearest is trying to put across&;#8230;
" Be quick and get your ass out that door, it'll give me a chance to
get some peace and quiet, even if it's only for a few hours"

11) Growth&;#8230;
:- " Eating up all your dinner, it'll make you strong and put hairs on
your chest"
And this meaning&;#8230;
:- " I don't want a girlie son, all hairless and refined"

12) Gum..
:- " If you swallow your chewing gum, it will stick to your
insides"
Translation&;#8230;
:- " I'm in no hurry to go buy you more gum, so stick it in your
wrapper and use it later."

13) Cry-baby..
:- " Don't cry sweetie, your tear ducks will get sad and dry up"
What this sensitive parent means really&;#8230;
:- " My God, do you ever stop? You're going through tissues like I go
through mood swings, and besides, you haven't a clue how much these
extra silky soft ones cost. And Christ, washing dishes is more fun than
this, plus, I'm missing my soaps!"

Ah parents, don't you just love em!!