I Think my Teacher's a Cannibal

I THINK MY TEACHER'S A CANNIBAL

I was five when I went to that 'orrible place,
In charge was a woman with the ugliest face,
She 'ad an 'ooked nose, huge teeth and sticky out ears,
A voice like a bellow that reduced me to tears.

In the summer for weeks we were all sent away,
And teacher pretended it was our 'oliday,
But what 'appened to the kids 'oo never came back?
Perhaps they were roasted or made into a snack.

I 'ave to say teacher, as she liked to be called,
Although she looked like a witch, she 'ad me enthralled,
Fascinated, spellbound, terrified by it all,
I believe I met up with my first cannibal.

I knew she ate meat because she used a toothpick,
'Er thick, rubbery lips made me feel very sick,
And as time went by she grew fatter and fatter,
Was she feasting on boys served up on a platter?

When she strode in the classroom and told us to sit,
If she talked close to me I'd be sprayed by 'er spit,
She 'ad a strange smell, something like chicken manure,
And when she got real mad I'd just run for the door.

Then something strange 'appened, teacher wasn't around,
We searched everywhere but she couldn't be found,
We looked in the playground and sat on a log,
Instead of Miss Pringle was a great fat green frog.

We got a new teacher who was pretty and kind,
She made us work jolly 'ard, but we didn't mind,
She enchanted us all but no one's to blame,
See, witches and cannibals don't all look the same.