IT hUrTs BuT i MuSt CuT

Alright everyone,
Me names codey-Lei and i am 14 years old. The reason i am writing this
is because a computor screen is the only person i can talk to and im
hoping that this could also help another person in some way. You are
probobly thinking "what is she talking about?"

Well i will tell you, you may think im mad, you may think im silly but
all i am is a 14 year old girl that has had to deal with alot in life
and i do it in my own way:

The first time i can remember crying was when i was about 4, i was in
the garden playing on my swing when i heard a loud scream. I ran inside
and saw me mum on the floor, me dad had hit her. After that i often saw
me mum get beaten up but all she said was that she loved me dad. This
went on for a few more years and when i turned 10 i told me dad to
leave her alone, he still hit her though and thats when i hit him back
but then he turned and hit me. At 10 years old i was fighting me mums
battles and i often got hurt bad, me dad and i would fight and the
police would get called by some one near by. As i got older i started
to runaway, me dad was now drinking and would beat me bad, he was a
strong man and could really hurt me. I kept running away and then i
started to try and kill meself. I took over doses and jumpt out of
windows. But then i couldn't do that anymore. By running away i got
attacked and was raped by a group of boys. I broke my arms from jumping
out of windows so i stopped but i still felt cross and sad so i turned
to cutting meself. For nearly 2 years i have harmed meself. It helps me
though, yes i have scars but i cant stop from cutting. People see my
cuts, i cut me legs, me arms, me wrists and mostly me stomach but i
make excuses. Me dad and me mum are together again with a new little
baby and are fine together, but i still have nightmares from me past.
At 14 i sleep with the light on, me dad still scares me and i cant be
on me own with him. He says his sorry and i forgive him but he
frightens me so much but i do love him, alot.

What happend is something im trying to deal with and i deal with it by
cutting meself.

Love always codey-lei