I..What's 'er Name

What's 'er name

You remember the woman who used to live next door to me? You know,
where Sheila lives now. Oh you know who I mean. That flibbertigibbet.
Oh dear what was her name, it was on the tip of m' tongue. Her, who was
always pregnant, one nearly every year and a different father each
time. Well you could tell, we used to say they resembled the United
Nations.

Well! My friend Viv saw her down Tesco's the other day. Who Viv, well
she's still the same, her veins are no better since she had them done.
Well, as I was telling you, Viv said she was ready to drop another any
minuet and one still in the pram. Ought to keep her legs crossed, is
what I say. Viv says they ought to tie her legs together. Anyway, she
tells 'er she's moving again. Moving next week. It seems they've
outgrown the house they have now. And they moved to a four bedroom from
the two bedroom next door, 'cause it was two small and that couldn't be
much more than a year ago. Well maybe a bit longer; time flies, doesn't
it.

Viv said that she described the new house, it sounded nice, there's
even a playroom for the kids and a bit of a garden. But she doesn't
think she will stay there long, though, 'cause it's right out on the
edge of town and the older kids are moaning already. Well they say they
will miss their friends and there's nothing to do out there. Says she
will be spending all her time running them to and fro. Well that will
keep her occupied. With that family, who needs friends too, just more
mouths to feed. She's also moaning that there is nowhere for the
younger ones to play out. She is worried that they might get lost in
the fields. She should be so lucky. She thinks the countryside is
dangerous. She would rather they played on the streets. Always said she
could keep a better eye on them there. When they lived here they
continuously kicked a ball against my garage door. Half drove me mad.
To tell you the truth, I was glad to see the back of them when they
moved. Cars had to slow down when they came round that corner. They all
rode their bikes out here and one of the younger ones played chicken
with the drivers. It was a daily occurrence to hear the squeal of
brakes, followed by a blast on the horn, followed by an even louder
blast from their Mother. I give her her due, she used to cluck over
them like a mother hen, but they never did take nonotice. One day they
managed to kick their ball over Fred's fence and into his greenhouse. I
think even they learnt a few choice words they didn't know, that
day.

What she told Viv, is what she would really like is to live near the
high rise flats in the centre of town. Perhaps they should give her a
flat in the block, then she could fill it all up on her own.

Mind you, I take my hat off to her, I wouldn't want to be looking
after those squalling brats all day, and the baby keeping me awake at
night teething, whilst expecting another.

Oh I do wish I could remember her name. Are you sure you can't
remember it? I will have to speak to Viv and see if she knows. I
suppose it will come to me sometime.