Jack

JACK

Once upon a time, there was a young man called Jack who lived with his
mother in a small apartment in Harlem, New York. They were very poor
because Jack didn't have a job, although he had tried to get one on
many occasions. Jack's father had left many years before to find his
roots in Africa and to make ends meet, Jack's mother worked in a soul
food diner off Broadway. It paid her enough money to meet the rent and
buy some food, but it didn't allow for many luxuries.

To some it would seem a bleak kind of life, and although it was true
that nobody in Harlem had much money, still there was always laughter
and music, except on the one day of the month known as Rent Day. On
Rent Day, no one laughed or sang because that was the day that the
landlord came.

Fe fi fo fum,
I'm the landlord, and here I come.
Don't gimme excuses, don't lie in bed,
if you ain't got the rent...you're dead!

The landlord was a huge and forbidding man. When he drove into Harlem
roaring the dreadful verse, the sky would darken, bricks fell off
buildings and mothers snatched their children from the street. Any
family who didn't have the rent knew they could expect little mercy
from the landlord.

"Don't worry, Ma," Jack said to his mother every month as Rent Day
approached. "If the worst comes we can always sell Daisy." Whereupon
his mother would smile at him and say, "You're such a good boy, Jack.
Such a good boy." Jack's mother knew it would break her son's heart to
sell Daisy.

Daisy was the sunshine in Jack's life. The sight of her parked outside
their miserable tenement always brought a smile to his face. Daisy was
twenty feet long long and bright pink with gleaming chrome fittings and
whitewall tires. Her seats were upholstered with genuine imitation
leopard skin and at the rear window Jack had placed a little toy dog
whose head nodded to passers-by. Jack has wired up the brakes to the
little dog so that when he stopped the dog's eyes would light up as if
it was saying, "Hello, how are you? Good to see you!" Every day, Jack
spent an hour polishing Daisy and once a week he washed and vacuumed
her. The he would sit in the driver's seat and dream of driving Daisy
to Florida or California, although he knew it would cost a lot of money
- more than he would ever have probably because even one fill-up of
Daisy's huge tank cost a week's rent, and that wouldn't take you very
far.

Things could have gone on like this forever, but unknown to Jack and
his mother, tragedy was waiting just around the corner.

"I dunno," the owner of the soul food diner was saying into the phone
as Jack's mother arrived for work one morning. "I've been running the
diner for years," he continued. "Why, it was started by my father. I'm
not sure I could sell it." Jack's mother tried not to listen, but it
was impossible not to overhear. "That is a very good offer, but what
about my staff, the people who work for me?" The owner of the soul food
diner was shaking his head as he put the phone down. Jack's mother grew
very worried and confided her fears to Jack when she arrived
home.

"Don't worry, Ma, " said Jack. "Things will be okay, you'll see. And we
can always sell Daisy." Jack's mother smiled a sad smile, "You're such
a good boy, Jack," she said.

The next day the owner of the soul food diner gathered all the staff in
the kitchen to make an announcement. His face was very grave and Jack's
mother knew that he had decided to sell. Her only hope was that the new
owners would agree to keep her on - her grits were famous all over
Harlem, after all. But her hopes were dashed when the owner spoke.
"Folks," he began. "I don't know how to tell you this, but I've been
asked to sell the diner to make way for a car park. As many of you
know, my father started this diner and I've worked here since I was a
young man. But I'm not so young any more and I wouldn't mind having a
rest from it. So I've decided to accept this offer."

"When will you be closing the diner?" Jack's mother asked fearfully.
"On Sunday," the owner replied. "The wrecking crew will be coming in on
Monday. I'll give you all two week's money to tide you over until you
find new jobs. I'm sorry, folks, but this offer was too good to turn
down."

"Don't worry, Ma," Jack said to his mother when she returned home that
evening. "You'll find something else soon. You're the best soul food
cook in the world! Who knows, maybe I'll find a job and then we'll be
okay!"

But Jack didn't find a job and neither did his mother. As the weeks
went by, their small amount of savings dwindled and Jack's mother was
forced to ask for more time to pay the rent.

Fe, fi,fo, fum,
I'm the landlord and I ain't dumb!
You've lost your job and need time to pay,
so until Monday morning is all I'll say.

When he'd finished roaring out the verse, the landlord drove off down
the street leaving behind a cloud of dust.

Jack's mother was in tears when he arrived home. "Jack," she sobbed.
"It's no good. He's given us until Monday morning to pay the rent
otherwise we'll be out in the street. I've racked my brains, but I
can't see any other way - you'll have to sell Daisy." A small tear
formed in the corner of Jack's eyes, "Don't worry,Ma," he said. "I'll
get a good price for her, you see if I don't."

So Jack got up bright and early the next morning. He filled a bucket
with soapy water and took a clean sponge from under the sink. Then he
washed Daisy from front to back, polished her fenders and hub caps and
oiled the little dog's neck so it would nod properly. Finally, he sat
in the driver's seat and started her up. Faithful and reliable as ever,
Daisy's motor caught immediately and Jack soon had her thrumming down
the street towards the motor mart.

"Excuse me, young man," said a cool-looking dude to Jack through the
passenger window. Jack had stopped at a red light just around the
corner. "Would you mind giving me a ride?" And before Jack had time to
reply the cool dude had opened the passenger door and settled himself
next to Jack. "This is a nice car," said the dude, rolling a
strange-looking cigarette.

"Thank you," Jack replied. "I'm going to the motor mart to sell her. We
need the money to pay the rent."

The old dude lit the strange cigarette and took a long reflective draw.
"It seems to me," he said at last, with smoke trickling from his mouth,
"It seems to me that this would be a good car to own. Yes, sir - a
mighty fine car to own." He took another deep drag of his cigarette,
"Anyone would be proud to own a car like this. What'll you take for
her?"
Jack was beginning to feel quite light-headed from all the smoke. He
had only just got used to the fact that he would have to sell Daisy and
had no idea of how much he would ask for her.

"Well, I er..." he began.

"Tell you what," interrupted the cool dude, waving his cigarette in the
air. "I've got something here that'll beat any offer some car salesman
will make you."

"You have?" said Jack.

"Yes, sirree, I have," said the dude. He dug into his coat pocket and
produced a plastic bag filled with little seeds. "These seeds will grow
into pure gold. Here, try some why don't you?"

He thrust his cigarette into Jack's mouth. Jack sucked in the smoke and
the light-headed feeling he had been experiencing intensified. "Now,
ain't that magic!" exclaimed the dude. "Yup, I'm offering you a bag of
these magic grass seeds for your Daisy here. And I'm thinkin' you're
getting the best of the deal!"

"Ma, Ma," shouted Jack excitedly when he entered his apartment, "Look
what a man gave me for Daisy. A bag of magic grass seeds! Jack's mother
snatched the bag from him and sniffed it.

"But where's the money, Jack? How are we going to pay the rent? You go
and get Daisy back right now and take her to the motor mart!"

"But, Ma," stuttered Jack. "He's gone. I sold him Daisy and he's driven
away and I don't know where he is."

Jack's mother sat in a chair and covered her face with her hands,
"Jack, Jack, what have you done?" she sobbed. "We have to pay the rent
tomorrow and all we have is a bag of grass seeds. What have you
done?"

It began to dawn on Jack that perhaps he hadn't made such a good deal.
"But they're not just ordinary grass seeds, Ma, they're magic! They'll
grow into pure gold, the man told me so!"

Jack's mother was suddenly furious. "Magic grass seeds! We can't pay
the rent with magic grass seeds. You're a stupid, ignorant boy, Jack.
You've sold Daisy for a bag of worthless weed and tomorrow we'll be
homeless." She took the bag of seeds and flung it out of the window
into the small yard. "That's what I think of your magic grass, Jack.
Now go to bed. You're a disgrace and you've ruined the only chance we
had to save ourselves!"

Jack cried himself to sleep in his tiny bedroom with his mother's words
ringing in his ears. He finally fell asleep and he began to dream. He
dreamed he was standing in a green field with the cool dude and the
cool dude had his arm around his shoulders and was showing him the
plants that were growing there. "Don't worry, Jack," the man was
saying. "You'll be fine, just you wait and see. That grass, it really
is magic! You're a good boy, Jack, because you believe in magic. Most
people haven't got that much sense, but you do, because you're
smart."

Jack awoke the next morning still hearing the cool dude's words. He
crept downstairs so as not to awaken his mother and went to the sink to
get a glass of water. When he glanced out of the window he could see
the shadow of a tree branch through the grime. Jack couldn't remember
there ever being a tree in the small patch of dirt outside the kitchen
window. He pushed it open and gazed out. There in the yard was the
trunk of the largest tree Jack had ever seen. It was so large that it
completely filled the yard and had even started to make the walls bulge
out into the street. Jack craned his neck and looked up. Even though he
leaned out of the window as far as he could he still couldn't see the
top of the tree. He went outside into the street to get a better look.
The majesty of the tree was revealed, towering over Harlem, its crown
lost in the clouds.

As he was gazing in wonder at the giant tree a car drew up and the
landlord got out. "Ah,"said the landlord, "Now you must be Jack. Your
mother has told me all about you. Is she at home, may I inquire? Run
along and fetch her for me, there's a good boy."

"Ma, the landlord's here and he's acting real strange!" Jack yelled,
pounding on his mother's bedroom door. She opened it. "And there's
another thing," he continued. "That grass really was magic. You should
see what's growing in the yard. It's the biggest tree I've ever seen,
it's nearly as big as the whole world!"

"What are you talking about, Jack!" said his mother as she emerged from
the bedroom.
"A giant tree, and what's this about the landlord. If he hurt you at
all, I'll..."

"Now then, madam," said the landlord who had stepped into the hallway.
"I assure you I haven't laid a finger on your charming son. Indeed, I
have been the soul of politeness. While it's true that I may have been
a little harsh previously, those days are past and I was hoping you'd
let bygones be bygones." To emphasise his words, the landlord removed
his hat and bowed to Jack's mother.

She stared at the landlord in disbelief for a moment before recovering
her composure. "Everyone's gone mad this morning," she muttered to
herself. "I know why you're here and I haven't got it, so if you'll
allow us half-an-hour we'll pile our furniture outside and be out of
here."

The landlord smiled expansively, "Why, there's no necessity for that. I
have arranged for professional removalists to arrive within the hour.
Meanwhile I hope that you and Jack will be my guests at the Waldorf
Astoria Hotel. I have reserved a suite for you, at my expense, while
something more appropriate is being found for you. I have decided to
commence renovations on your apartment immediately."

"You see," said Jack to his mother, "I told you those seeds were
magic."

In a trice, Jack and his mother were being driven downtown in the
landlord's car to the Waldorf Astoria where they ate the biggest
breakfast either of them had ever had. Then they were escorted upstairs
to the Presidential Suite by the hotel manager himself. "Jack, I'm
beginning to believe you about that grass," said his mother, pouring
complimentary scent into the spa.

No sooner had the landlord seen Jack and his mother installed in the
hotel when he was back at the apartment gazing up at the tree growing
in the yard.

Fi, fi, fo, fum,
I've seen plants so big they'd strike you dumb.
But this one, it's so very rare,
it's gonna make me a millionaire!

The landlord leaned back to take in the breathtaking view. The tree
seemed to go on for ever, up and up, through the clouds, its upper
branches lost from view in the stratosphere. On every branch there were
clusters of leaves the size of umbrellas. "I bet there's a thousand
tons of grass on that tree," the landlord said to himself in
wonder.

But the tree had been noticed by other people as well as the landlord
and the prospect of so much grass coming onto the market in one huge
lot had started alarm bells ringing. The landlord hadn't considered the
downside of his good fortune because he was in the renting business,
not the grass business.

The grass business was run by two men whose character made even the
mean spirited landlord seem kind and generous by comparison. These two
lords of grass were Big Vinnie and Louis the Axe and they guarded their
business interests very jealously.

At that moment they were staring out of the window of their office.
"Does that look like what I think it looks like, Vinnie?" growled Louis
the Axe.

"Yeah," replied Big Vinnie. "It's the biggest plant I've ever seen.
Let's send someone over to check it out."

When the man they'd sent to Jack and his mother's apartment returned,
he confirmed their suspicions. They decided that emergency action was
necessary to prevent the worst glut of grass the city had ever
seen.

That night, while Jack and his mother were watching a movie on the
world's largest television screen, snug in their suite at the Waldorf
Astoria, and while their landlord was arranging for every tree lopper
in New York to meet him at the apartment the next morning, Big Vinnie
and Louis the Axe were putting their plan into action.

They parked their car around the corner, strolled the few paces to the
apartment and cast a professional eye over the giant tree. "Big, ain't
it." Whispered Vinnie in awe. "Seems a shame, it must be a
record."

"We gotta do it, Vinnie," said Louis, unscrewing the cap from the
gasoline can he carried. "This tree could make us both paupers!"

Louis splashed gasoline around the trunk of the tree and when it was
well soaked lit a match and tossed it. The fire started immediately and
in a few moments the lower branches were ablaze. A breeze fanned the
flames and the fire began to climb the tree. Smoke billowed into the
atmosphere and spread over the city. The tree became a column of fire
that could be seen for miles.

"Wow," said Louis the Axe.

"Ditto," said Big Vinnie.

When dawn broke the next day, a pall of smoke hung over the city. But
the breakfast announcers on the radio didn't seem to notice, "Hey,
folks, it's a great day here in the Big Apple! It's a day for taking
your wife to lunch. In Acapulco! You're not married! Then get
engaged!"

This happiness was also being experienced on the streets. Pickpockets
suddenly felt the urge to hand over their wallets to commuters on the
subway, "Take my money, I love you," they exclaimed to perfect
strangers. Policemen strolled the streets beaming at everyone.
Businessmen all over the city decided that their secretaries deserved
salary increases and even the dog catchers were in a generous mood and
tossed bones to the strays that were rooting through the garbage
cans.

"I feel hungry and I don't know why," said Big Vinnie.

"That's funny, so do I," said Louis, bursting into giggles.

"That rhymed!" said Vinnie, holding his sides to contain the laughter
that threatened to make him burst.

"You're a poet but you don't know it!" gasped Louis in paroxysms of
mirth

They lay on the floor of their office and laughed and laughed, kicking
their legs in the air in glee.

"You know something, Louis?" Vinnie said after ten minutes of side
splitting laughter, " I think we're both stoned."

Louis could only nod his head, he was laughing so much.

"That tree, I wonder how it grew so big?" he continued
thoughtfully.

The gleeful mood affected everybody in the city. It even penetrated the
grim offices of the Internal Revenue Service. During a laughter-filled
meeting the IRS officers came to a decision. "We should give everybody
their taxes back," the Chief Officer said. "But first, let's go out to
lunch!"

At the Waldorf Astoria Hotel the manager was entertaining the staff on
the piano while the kitchen hands danced the can can on the bar. The
guests were delighted and sat on the floor chewing on chicken legs
they'd raided from the kitchens. Upstairs in the Presidential Suite,
Jack and his mother slept late, unaware of the fun that was happening
in the city.

As the day grew older, people started falling down from exhaustion. The
smoke drifted away from the city and the sky cleared. Policemen began
scowling again and the pickpockets worked frantically to retrieve the
money they'd given away.

"Open up, kid!" Big Vinnie thumped on the door of the Presidential
Suite with a fist the size of a ham.

Jack's mother opened the door, her eyes still sticky from sleep. "Can I
help you," she said.

"We're looking for a kid named Jack," growled Louis, hefting the axe
after which he had been named.

"What is it, Ma?" Jack called from inside the suite, "Is it the pizza I
ordered?"

"No, it ain't," said Big Vinnie, picking up Jack's mother and carrying
her into the suite by the collar of her dressing gown. "It's two
acquaintances of your landlord who want to know about a tree you
planted."

"It was magic grass!" Jack protested for what seemed the millionth time
while Louis stood over him tapping the axe against the palm of his
hand, "Wasn't it, Ma?" Jack's mother nodded vigorously from the
armchair where she was trussed like a chicken.

"Magic grass," said Vinnie menacingly. "You're not convincing us, kid.
Louis is going to have to do something terrible to your mother.

Jack became frantic, "I'll show you where the seeds are, but you have
to let my mother go, okay?" he said.

"Sure," said Vinnie, "But no tricks, or your mother gets it!"

Outside the apartment Jack's mind raced in several directions, but each
led nowhere. Big Vinnie was getting impatient, "It's time to show us
your magic grass, kid."

Jack pointed across the street, "It's there!" he shouted. When the two
men turned to look Jack darted between them and scrambled over the wall
into the yard of the apartment.

"Hey," shouted Louis, "Come back!"

Jack cast around desperately in the yard for an escape but the
blackened trunk of the tree blocked everything. There was only one
place to go. By the time Big Vinnie and Louis the Axe had hauled their
large frames over the wall, Jack was already three branches up and
climbing higher.

"Okay, kid," panted Vinnie, "You asked for it!" He reached for one of
the blackened branches and pulled himself up. Vinnie was a very good
climber for a big man, but not as good as Jack.

"I've got an idea, Vinnie," Louis shouted up to his business partner.
"Come on down and I'll tell you about it."

Meanwhile Jack had climbed so high his head was brushing the clouds. He
could see right across Manhattan and into New Jersey. He could see the
harbour and out to sea. He sat on a branch and watched the ships,
trying to think of a plan.

The tree shuddered.

Down below, Louis was swinging his axe against the burnt trunk of the
tree. Wood flew in a shower and the axe was cutting through the
weakened trunk very quickly. "It won't be long now, Vinnie," grunted
Louis between swings. Already Louis the Axe had cut half way through
the tree.

Jack clung to the branch as the tree swayed. It started to lean over
and groan and Jack dug his fingernails into the bark, but it was burned
and turned to powder. The tree leaned over further and Jack's legs
slipped and he found himself hanging in space. The tree groaned even
louder and lurched and Jack couldn't hold on any more. His fingers lost
their hold on the branch and he dropped like a stone. He seemed to fall
for ever, twisting and tumbling through space, past the windows of
skyscrapers, falling, falling, between the apartment blocks. The roof
of his apartment building rushed up at him, and then he hit.

"Jack, Jack, wake up you sleepy boy, there's someone here to see you!"
Jack opened his eyes. His mother was standing beside his bed and next
to her, his arm around her waist, was the cool dude.

"It's you!" exclaimed Jack. "Ma, it's him, the man who gave me the
magic grass seeds! He's got to tell Louis and Vinnie where it came from
or they'll do something terrible to you, Ma. And tell him to give Daisy
back, too!"

Jack's mother smiled, "Oh, Jack don't you remember your father? He's
just arrived back from Africa.

"Hello, Jack," said his father, "What's this about magic grass seeds
and who are Louis and Vinnie? I believe you've been dreaming, son. And
you don't have time to dream."

"I don't?" said Jack

The man smiled a lazy smile, "No, son, you don't because we're all
going to Florida to start a farm. Yes, sir, a tomato farm - just look
what I discovered while I was in Africa."
His father pointed to the corner of Jack's bedroom where stood the
biggest potted tomato plant Jack had ever seen.

"Yes, son," his father continued, "I've discovered the secrets of
growing the world's largest tomato plants. Why, they're so big you'd
think they were magic. And I've got a bag of seeds. We're going to make
a fortune and never have to worry about having money again. Now, what
do you think of that?"