Management consultancy explained

Management consultancy explained

Mister Peterson?
Patterson,
Patterson- sorry.
I'd like first to tell you there's no need to worry,
I'm assessing the needs of the current workforce,
You'll be happy to know that I've just assessed yours.
Your employer's unfortunately on holiday,
But I'll do my consultancy while he's away.
He had smugness and pinstriped sartorial style,
And that seminal textbook by Sackham and Smyle.
Now I have quite a lot of downsizing to do,
Have you thought how being smaller will benefit you?
It's a term much abused so first, let me just say:
I'm not going to zap you with some weird shrinking ray,
Ha ha no. That's not what I've been asked to do, no.
It's about giving you opportunities to grow.
Now, what do I mean when I say make you 'Smaller'?
If a part-time employee's this tall, you are taller,
Because you are currently working full time,
Do you understand what I have said so far? Fine.
So, if you are this tall and the ceiling is there,
There is not much space upwards to go anywhere.
If you carry on upwards you'll soon reach the top,
And once you are there, you then have to stop.
So we find that when people have further to go,
From the floor to the ceiling there's more room to grow,
And the greatest advantage to losing your job,
Is you have all this space before having to stop.
But don't think that's all that we're giving you, no,
You take with you our best wishes also. Now go.