Odd Realities-Chapter 18

My nightmare dreams were tangled into odd realities. I woke up to a
graphic hallucination of unknown white-coated strangers leaning over me
and wondered if this was my mode of transportation to heaven? I closed
my eyes for a few minute's worth of contrite contemplation, but when I
opened them, I saw the same faces hovering over me, speaking in hushed
tones.
" I think she's coming out of the coma. Go find Count Marcus. "
Finally, a name I recognized.

" Where am I? " No response came forth as people scurried to and fro,
not paying the slightest bit of attention to me. I sat up, swung my
feet over the edge of the bed, then walked on steady legs to the
windowsill. Moderate sunlight spilled through the lacy curtains,
allowing me to drink in a beautiful scene of distant snow-capped
mountains, while closer inland were trees of pine, oak, and hickory.
Familiar memories flashed through my mind as I looked straight down at
the well-trimmed green holly bushes, adorned with red berry clusters.
My skin crawled as I crumbled into a weakened heap on Bethanie's bare
bedroom floor.

" Being a mousey creature doesn't suit you, Desiree'! " Kermes Twa
sounded exasperated.

Heavy boots pounded up the stairs. " Bethanie, my Love! " Marcus
gathered me into his strong arms and held me tightly against his chest.
" You're finally awake! " He gazed at me in astonished wonderment,
seeing a grand illusion and vision of his beloved and cherished
Bethanie.

With every ounce of my being, I wanted to scream out, " I'M DESIREE',
YOUR WIFE! As my husband, you should recognize and love me..not my
sister! "

His mouth crushed mine and I knew he must have read my thoughts.
" My prayers have been answered, Bethanie," he murmured against my
hair.

" Bethanie, Daughter..I've been heartsick with worry about you. " My
father came into her room right after Marcus and squeezed the breath
out of my lungs.

His embrace revolted me and I thought of breaking loose, but took a
deep breath to calm myself. " Papa, I'm so glad that you and Marcus
are
here with me. " For a minute I actually felt good, but I well
remembered the misery and sorrow that permeated my life in this house
of gloom and doom and like the proverbial ostrich I wanted to stick my
head in the sand, pretending that the difficulties in my world no
longer existed.

My father handed me back to Marcus and against the will of my better
judgement I melted into him. The Great Goddess was well pleased with my
actions. " Desiree', this is the curving pathway to your destiny.
"

" Please come back to bed, Bethanie. You need to lie down and rest, so
we can talk about our upcoming nuptials. " Marcus was always the great
protecter of specific plans. How could I reply when I had no answers to
questions of elapsed time? Or the unknown whereabouts of my devious
sister, and would-be-killer sister-in-law?

Kermes Twa spoke. " Desiree', tread carefully and you'll have the
sweetest revenge of all..knowing everything, while Marcus won't have a
clue as to who and what you really are. " She barked a last order. "
Now get in the act of behaving like your sister! "

To have Marcus believe I was Bethanie made my soul churn in conflicted
emotions. I sighed..at least I could imitate her, whereas she'd
consider it beneath her dignity to act like me in any way, shape, or
form. The Great Goddess was right..I needed to think quickly on my
feet. Instead of clearly analyzing my feelings after Gustav informed me
of the special engagement party for Marcus and Bethanie, I'd reacted
rashly, seeking retaliation and revenge. " Marcus, my memories are
hazy. " I put my hand to my forehead and winced.

Marcus led me to her bed, then tucked me in like a little girl. At that
moment Regina came in with a tray of food and drinks and set it down on
the dresser. " Girlie, are you all right? " Regina fussed over me with
comforting hugs and loving kisses in abundance..she'd displayed this
same kind of concerned affection for my sister after our mother had
died. " Bethanie, you need to eat and regain your strength, especially
if you and Count Marcus are still going to be married on Valentine's
Day. "

Marcus smiled at me, as if I was the only woman he'd ever loved. I
realized that taking Bethanie's place would complicate matters, because
I wanted to be loved as Desiree'! " Valentine's Day..how long have I
been asleep? "

" My Darling Bethanie, you were missing for three days after our
engagement party on January 31st and Mr. Larsen found you on Tuesday,
February 3rd. This morning is Wednesday, February 11th, and you've been
asleep in your room for the past eight days. " He kissed my hands. "
Dr. Johnson gave you a thorough physical examination and said you had
plenty of scrapes, scratches, and bruises and you'd be sore for weeks
to come, but what worried him most was the fact you showed no signs of
waking up. Now that you've been alert for some time, I know you'll be
fine. " His eyes glistened with tears and he tenderly kissed the bump
on my forehead. I flung my arms around his neck and kissed him for all
I was worth, igniting the blazing passion and love that had been
bottled up inside of me. " Bethanie, you truly amaze me..you're the
Love of my life, for eternity and beyond. " Her name was a flashflood
of frozen tundra and I speculated on how long I could keep up this
numbing charade. Marcus sensed the 180 degree change in my disposition.
" Bethanie, you're overwrought and need sustanance..are you up to
feeding yourself or would you like some help? " He dangled purplish red
grapes above my mouth, removing one from the stem and bringing it to my
parted lips. I bit into its juicy sweetness, savoring the mellow flavor
which reminded me of the grape arbors and winery in Fredericksburg.
Marcus kept feeding me grapes, cheeses, baked chicken, and crusty
bread, still warm from the oven. I drank cold fresh milk, and finally
felt a tad bit more in control of myself..more like the me Marcus had
fallen in love with and married.

Even though a slight form of nourishment raced through my tainted
system, I'd soon be in need of fresh blood and Valera's herbal remedies
to stay alive. Lady's Bedstraw stimulated my appetite and kept my
victim's blood circulating for longer periods of time, requiring less
life force than was normal for a Vampire and her concoction of Marsh
Trefoil and Yellow Gentian allowed my body to absorb vitamins and
minerals from the food I ate. Valera had a secret remedy for my
internal bloodflow which allowed me access to unlimited daylight with
no repercussions.

Questions unrelentingly peppered my brain..would she and Gustav be able
to trace my whereabouts and how was I going to explain my unexplainable
problems to Marcus and Papa's satisfaction? Marcus intruded on my train
of thought.
" Bethanie, is there something on your mind..something you want to say
to me? " Marcus was loving and gentle, the way he'd always been since
we'd first been properly introduced.

I attempted a smile, but my lips trembled and he wiped away the tears
that fell from my eyes. I laid my head on his shoulder and breathed in
the warm scent of his neck as his pulse point beat rapidly in
conjunction with his heart. I envisioned the linking act, growing dizzy
with urgent need as I slid my tongue along his prominent vein,
oblivious to everyone else in the room.

" Bethanie? " Her name was a question on his lips and his hands applied
a vise grip to my upper arms. My eyes were glazed and unfocused as
Marcus pulled away from me.
" Regina, she's feverish. Please bring some cool compresses. "

" Yes, Count Marcus, right away. " She left Bethanie's room.

" My Love, you've tried to accomplish too much in too short a time. "
He lowered my head to the pillow, provoking irrational thoughts into a
vexation of red frenzy. I breathed in ragged intonations and clutched
at him in anxious confusion.

" Marcus.. " I had every intention of telling him the complete truth,
but Regina walked through the door, followed closely by Valera and
Gustav.

Regina spoke up and I didn't utter another word. " Bethanie, these fine
people have come to say prayers with you. " She placed cool cloths on
my forehead, neck and wrists. " I hope you don't mind that they've
spoken to God on your behalf, asking that you be healed. "

Valera stood on one side of me, and Gustav on the other. She placed my
left hand in hers and applied loving pressure. My entire being relaxed,
knowing that everything would be all right. " Count Marcus, I'm a firm
believer in using natural herbs and remedies to help heal the body and
mind. Please let me treat Bethanie this way and see how she responds.
"

Papa said, " What's your opinion, Marcus? "

" Could you help me, really? " I asked before Marcus could answer. He
seemed skeptical, but gave his full approval. I smiled. " Marcus, I
love you. "

His lips were soft and sweet as they met mine. He smoothed my hair,
then replaced the warm compresses with cool ones. " I'll leave you in
Regina's capable hands and attend to the many details surrounding our
wedding. Sleep well, my bride to be. " He chastely kissed my cheek and
left.

I felt abandoned and it must have showed on my face. " Girlie, what's
wrong? You look as if Marcus will never come back. "

I sighed. " Regina, this whole episode has left me with shambled
thoughts and feelings. " She held me, and for the first time in my life
I felt the motherly touch that Bethanie had continuous access to while
we were growing up. My emotions overflowed into hot heavy tears that
released years of pain and frustration.

Valera took Regina aside. " Would you mind if I sent Gustav to fetch my
herbs? I can make a tea that will soothe Bethanie's
nerves and help her sleep. "

" Seeing as Count Marcus and Bethanie's Papa have given their consent,
you may do as you see fit. "

" Gustav, get my bag and meet me in the kitchen. I'll make the herbal
remedy for Bethanie, then bring it up to her. " Gustav, Valera, and
Regina left me alone with my father.

" Papa, I have a favor to ask of you. " I knew he'd grant Bethanie
anything.

" Of course, Bethanie..all you ever have to do is ask to receive.
"

" Regina said that Valera and Gustav came everyday and prayed for my
recovery. Would you allow them to live here until my wedding to Marcus
takes place? " I used my Bethanie charm.

" Yes, Daughter. If that will make you happy, they may stay as long as
you want. " From that moment on I knew I could have it all, taking full
advantage of Bethanie's position within the framework of my family,
playing the game of musical personalities like a leading actress who
performs best in her onstage element. Hardness and stubborness crept on
cat's paws into my heart and soul..I was slowly stooping to Bethanie's
level, becoming more and more like her, and less and less like
myself.

Valera handed me a mug of steaming tea when she and Regina returned to
the bedroom. I sipped the hot liquid while Regina and Papa hovered over
me.
" This tastes wonderful. " I yawned in contentment, put the cup down
and held out my arms. " Papa..Regina. I love you both. " I kissed them
both on the cheek.

" I'll stay with Bethanie and make sure she's resting comfortably. "
Valera held my hand and I smiled at her.

Papa followed Regina into the hallway and Valera quietly closed my
door. I quickly sat up in bed. " Valera, you're a sight for my sore
eyes and aching heart. "

" I can say the same for you, Desiree'. We've been blessed to have the
Great Goddess keep Gustav and myself informed. " Her tone changed
considerably. " Coming here unannounced was a mistake! " Valera's
temper rose and I knew she was more than peeved. " Please justify your
motivation in leaving New York City before Cecelia and I returned from
our trip with the orphans! "

" Valera, everything worked to my benefit. In their minds and hearts
I'm Bethanie, and I'm going to play that part to the hilt! " I thought
I had complete control of the situation.

" Desiree', no one on this earth ever has complete control of any
given situation. " Valera was a very wise woman. " Gustav and I boarded
the train late Thursday evening after he told us you'd disappeared. In
her great love for you, Kermes Twa led us to the Bethanie Inn where the
hotel clerk said you'd left for Miss Terrance's house..when you didn't
come back to your room on Saturday night I believed the worst had
happened. " She dabbed a handkerchief to the corners of her eyes. "
Desiree', I love you as much as I love Cecelia. You're like a second
daughter to me. "

" Valera, you've been like a mother to me and I'm truly sorry that I
gave you cause to worry. " A steely glint hardened my countenance. "
Animosity was a direct route to Springfield when I found out about
Bethanie and Marcus, but in all honesty I had no idea what I was going
to do once I
arrived. "

" Desiree', you can't let your emotions overrule your common
sense..heed the advice Kermes Twa imparts to you. " Valera wanted to
save me from myself.

The wind had been let out of my sails and I was fastly drifting off to
sleep.
" Valera, can we talk about this in the morning? "

She kissed me on the cheek. " Desiree', I'll stay with you while you
sleep and we'll discuss your predicament tomorrow. " I got the distinct
impression she didn't fully trust me.

Thursday, February 12th

Sunlight streamed through my window, stabbing my eyes and hurting my
mind. Waking up to after-effects had left me feeling groggy, weak and
exhausted. I shuddered and Valera was at my side in a second.
" Desiree', what's wrong with you? "

I cringed from the brightness. " I've lost my ability to function in
the daylight, Valera. " I pulled the covers over my head, retreating
into a safe cocoon of darkness.

" Yes, Desiree', the Blood of Transformation is wearing off. I'll
return with your potion in a few minute's time, but Gustav won't be
able to supply you with fresh human blood until later on this evening.
" A deep-seated hunger gnawed at my heart and soul, then spread to my
stomach. I pictured sinking my fangs into pulsing jugular veins and
smiled in gushing pleasure.

Valera made her exit. Bethanie's room was cloying, a claustrophobic
void that left me with no particular love or need for anyone or
anything except blood. A sharp rapping sounded at the door, then it was
opened..I couldn't make out the indistinct voices and lowered the
blanket to my chin to see who'd invaded my privacy. Regina tiptoed in,
closely followed by Papa. I wondered if Marcus was going to make a
grand entrance as well.
" Bethanie, you're pale as a ghost. " Regina felt my forehead. " And
colder than ice. You need a warm bath, Girlie. "

What I required couldn't be provided by either of them. The sight, the
smell, the sound, the touch and taste of a certain life force was what
I needed to satisfy my urgent red desire. I flung the covers back,
swung my legs and feet to the polished floor, then stood to heed the
thrumming call..Marcus managed to catch me as I blacked out. His voice
spoke from a great distance, but not to me. " Bethanie, my Love. You
must stay in bed for your sake as well as mine. I want to see you
healthy and happy so our wedding can proceed. "

I regained consciousness, wanting more than anything to rail in
repulsive dismay and beat my fists against his chest..to tell him we
had no need of a wedding because we were already husband and wife. I
exhausted my last bit of energy and was forced to lay there and let
Marcus tend to his precious Bethanie. Cold dread washed over me in the
invisible form of Kermes Twa. " You'll become your sister for the
duration of time that you're with Marcus..his love is so focused on her
that he won't allow himself the luxury of believing you're still alive,
Desiree'. Marcus shall be played for the fool he is, until it's too
late to turn back from the chosen path that leads to his damnation and
redemption! " The Great Goddess swirled in warming response. " And
Desiree', the blood that Gustav provides tonight is my special gift of
life, a key which unlocks answers to questions that burn within your
soul. "

" Count Marcus, I've brought Bethanie her morning's vitamins and herbs,
guaranteed to perk her up. " As I drank what she provided, a rush of
unbridled energy surged through my veins and added a tinge of blush to
my cheeks and pinkness to my skin, so I appeared alive and not as one
of the living dead.

Regina took my hand in hers, sounding a positive note. " Oh, Girlie, I
do believe you'll be fine with plenty of bedrest and proper
nourishment. I'll have Cook make your favorite breakfast dish. "

" Thank you, Regina. " I was usually banished to my room for mealtimes,
so had no idea what kind of food Regina would bring for me to
eat.

Papa came and sat beside me. " Bethanie, Daughter. I have news that
will certainly bring a smile to your face..your wedding dress is
arriving later this afternoon. " He beamed from ear to ear. " I know
you'll be the most beautiful bride Springfield has ever seen, your
Mother being the exception
of course. " My parents' wedding portrait was done in oils and hung
over the mantlepiece in their bedroom..Mother was exquisitely dressed
in a white silk gown with the reddest roses and whitest lillies for her
bridal bouquet. With a start, I remembered the heart-shaped birthmark
and scar on my right wrist. Bethanie and I were almost, but not quite
identical twins. Her fair skin was flawless with neither distinguishing
marks nor scars. I sighed in relief, positive it'd passed as a big
bruise and bad scratch from my fall. I'd talk to Valera about a
cover-up, so I wouldn't have to wear long sleeves or heaven forbid,
gloves forever. Papa turned to Marcus. " I've no doubts that the
wedding will go on as planned. " He paused at the doorway. " Bethanie,
I'll return this evening to see how you're feeling. " He blew me a kiss
and left.

Glass and silverware rattled. Marcus took the tray from Regina and set
it beside my bed. The steak tartare soaked in it's own red juices on
the white china plate and I knew the blood would add extra nourishment
to my system. Marcus cut the meat into bite-sized pieces, speared it
with the fork and guided it to my open mouth. My stomach growled in
eager anticipation as I tasted the tender texture..it was a poor
substitute for what I needed and craved, but it managed to take the
edge off. " Bethanie, my dear, I'm happy that you seem to be feeling
and might I add, looking in the pink again. "

I recoiled in bitter distaste! Pink was a cheap watered-down imitation
of red, a duplication of the way that Marcus's love for Bethanie paled
in comparison to what he felt for me! Kermes Twa was all-wise. "
Desiree', your Bethanie act will last just a while, but soon you'll
resurface in red to reclaim what's rightfully yours, while Bethanie
will be demoted to the chorus line shadows, as it was always meant to
be. " Resurging as the one not to be denied, I ate with gusto and
purpose, never thinking I had no control over the events to come in my
life.

" Bethanie, you're as beautiful as a pink-winged butterfly in all her
gossamer glory. " Marcus brushed his lips against mine and the world
faded from view. I moved my body next to his, ready to...

" Patience, Desiree', patience. Bethanie would never display private
emotions in front of onlookers. Bide your time, exersizing caution and
control, and then Marcus will belong to you..body, blood, heart and
soul. " Kermes Twa laid down her law.

" Marcus, you're making me blush! " With my arms around his neck I
kissed him discreetly, seething in bitter disappointment because I
wanted..I needed..I desired more. I placed my head on his shoulder so I
could inspect the regularity of his neckvein's heartbeat right in front
of my eyes. Once I partook of his life force I'd become his addiction
of choice, my name on his lips and in his blood.

He gently ran his fingers through my hair, reminding me of when we were
first married. I was calm for a few minutes, but jealous thoughts
boiled in shocking agitation..he was soothing Bethanie, not me. Her
room was a vile sickness that I couldn't endure for any length of time.
I had to get away to somewhere, anywhere. " Marcus, could we please go
for a short carriage ride in the fresh air? "

I saw Valera shaking her head no, but knew I'd lose all control if I
stayed cooped up in Bethanie's room. Marcus leaned over, smelling of
cinnamon and spice. " If you're strong enough to walk downstairs by
yourself, I'll consider your proposal. " How I longed to blurt out the
truth, consequences be damned! " Valera, would you please help Bethanie
dress? "

" Yes, Count Marcus. " I knew I'd receive a tongue lashing.

" Bethanie, I'll meet you in the parlour. " Marcus closed the door
behind him and left me with an angry Valera.

" Desiree', I don't like being left out of your decision making..it
always leads to danger or disaster. " She frowned.

" Valera, if I could manage to stay in Bethanie's room without going
insane, I would. I swear on the holy blood of Kermes Twa that I'll
behave while I'm with Marcus. "
My eyes revealed I wasn't lying to her. " He thinks I'm weak and won't
keep me outside for long..I'm begging you to understand. " Even
venturing into Bethanie's closet filled me with disgust. Her taste in
clothing ran to the lighter spectrum of colors, while I preferred
darkly bright and bold to match my personality. " Could you select a
dress for me to wear? " Valera came back with a few simple styles made
of heavy grade cotton. One was pale yellow with dark gold trim on the
hem and sleeve ends and the next was light blue with white trim and
collar. The third one immediately caught my eye..I held the shaped
material in front of me, staring into the mirror. It was pine green,
matching the shade of the holly leaves outside the window. Stripes of
deep red ran from the collarless neckline to the hem of the belling
skirt, the color of the berries that adorned the bushes. It suited my
nature to perfection, but why had it been hanging in Bethanie's
closet?

" This dress becomes you, Desiree'. It's a personal present to you from
the Great Goddess, herself. " Valera turned me this way and that,
inspecting me until I met with her satisfaction. The color of my eyes
intensified as I felt the blood of Kermes Twa surge through my
veins.

Regina stopped me at the bottom of the stairs. " Girlie, I don't
remember this outfit. It's almost as if it belonged to.." Regina would
never say my name and I'm sure that Bethanie's resentful hostilities
had rubbed off on her.

" Regina, you're sadly mistaken in believing that this dress belonged
to my sister. This was a get-well gift from Valera. She said it would
bring out the emerald hue of my eyes, and I agree wholeheartedly with
her assessment. " I kissed her cheek and held her tightly. " No matter
what I wear, I'll always be me on the inside..no one else. "

Marcus held out his warm, strong hands to me. " Bethanie, you've never
looked better. The horse and carriage await. " He handled the reins,
letting the horse trot towards the apple orchard to the spot where
Sheridan had pushed me off the cliff. " Shall we stroll, my Love? "
Marcus guided me towards the rim, then quickly turned me around..his
face was contorted in barely controlled fury. " Explain why you came
out here in the middle of the night, after telling everyone you were so
ill at our engagement party. "

A bolt of inspiration struck me. " I really don't know, Marcus. One
minute I was asleep, and the next thing I remember clearly is waking up
in bed with strangers surrounding me..I thought I'd died and gone to
heaven because everyone was dressed in white like God's Winged Angels.
" Of course I didn't bother to add that appearances can be
deceiving..the fiercest of wolves are many times viewed as the meekest
of sheep.

" Yes, Bethanie..Dr. Johnson said you might have been sleepwalking, but
I thought if I brought you here, your memories might be stirred. " His
demeanor changed as my story clarified what he had hoped was
true.

It was doubtful that Bethanie had been walking in her sleep..she
definitely recognized me that night. " Marcus, could we talk of other
things? Like our honeymoon perhaps? "

His answer more than surprised me and his laugh boomed in echoes across
the canyon. " Bethanie, you always have a knack for easing my burdens.
We're sailing onboard your father's clippership, Goddess Of The Sea to
visit my childhood home in Fredericksburg. "

I shivered inside my soul as memories of that evil place crashed over
me in a haunting tidalwave. When Marcus and I first met, Castle
Desiree' was my dream of heaven on earth, but Sheridan had kept a
secret part of it as a living hell, making me the primary centerpiece
in her sordid plans for murder at Monasterium Damnare'..Monastary Of
The Damned. Her attempt to kill me didn't pan out and she offered to
accompany me on a Christmas shopping trip to Paris when Marcus had to
bow out for business purposes. It was there that she and her brother
had me thrown into prison to cover his debts.

Marcus interrupted my train of thought. " Sheridan wanted to stay and
nursemaid you back to health, but was gracious enough to return to
Castle Desiree' and is preparing it for our homecoming. I thought we'd
give her the biggest surprise in her life as she has no idea you've
awakened and will be fine! " My face registered complete shock..if
Marcus only knew the whole truth of the matter. " Bethanie, please
don't be distressed..as my wedding gift to you, I'm having a house
built on Mount Salem for us to live in. When it's finished, we'll
return to the United States to live. "

Sheridan would more than likely nurse me to my death as she only wanted
the worst for me in order for her to have the best with Marcus! I
contemplated the immense pleasure I'd receive from a confrontation with
Sheridan at my Castle! I wondered if she still had a contingincy of
evil monks at her beck and call? Asking Marcus was out of the question,
so I found my Bethanie attitude came in handy. " Marcus, a house on
Mount Salem? " I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him full on
his lips. I wasn't sure how much further I could go as Bethanie, but
met no resistance as I opened my mouth to his explorations.

" My Darling, this is just a foretaste of how I'll make you feel when
we become husband and wife. " How I had missed that part of being
married to Marcus..the physical intimacy we'd shared. One more
smouldering kiss from him and I knew my Bethanie act would be making
it's final curtain call. I trembled with want and need of him and
fortunately he mistook my body's reaction as a sign I was growing
tired. " It's time we returned to your father's house, Bethanie. " The
horse took off at a fast gait and we soon arrived at home.

Valera greeted us at the door. " Bethanie, you look flushed..maybe you
should take a nap before supper. " The very act of entering her room
disgusted me and I steeled my feelings,
knowing my ridiculous pretense had to continue for a while.

Marcus took my hands, then modestly kissed my cheek, but it was nothing
like the full-blown kiss we'd shared earlier. " I must attend to
business dealings in town, but will make it a priority to return later
and
check on you, Bethanie. " He leaned close to my ear and whispered, " I
love you, Darling, now and always. "

He shut the door on his way out and Valera turned to face me. "
Tomorrow when you and Marcus celebrate your wedding vows, you'll do so
in conjuction with the Great Goddess herself. " I had no knowledge of
what she spoke of. " Desiree', the union of male and female is what
endows every world with the balance it needs in order to achieve
wholeness and as such Kermes Twa married Aquealis, the God of Balance.
The 30 days between January 15th and February 14th marks the ' sacrare
marier monap. ' This sacred marriage month symbolizes the blessed union
of Kermes Twa and Aquealis and their purification rites must be
followed exactly. "

" I need to being purified, Valera..this room makes me feel unclean on
the outside and polluted on the inside. " I began removing my coat,
hat, and gloves.

" That's all for now, Desiree'..please have a seat at your desk. "
There was one sheet of unused writing paper, a pen and unstoppered
inkwell. " Give me your right hand. " She held up a small silver
knife..the metal was cleansed as flames from the fireplace licked it's
sharpness. She slit me directly on my scarred wrist, and bright red
liquid flowed into the empty well. " To begin the ritual, you must
search hard within yourself for the one thing that troubles your heart
and soul the most. Write it down, fold the paper and hand it to me.
"

There were quite a few things to pick and choose from in my life, but I
narrowed it down to four probabilities. The first to cross my mind was
the treatment I'd received at the hands of the demonic cult of
monks..although they'd encountered their final demise, there was no
reversal for my being a vampire. Second was Sheridan and Phillipe..they
perpetrated evil deeds that had brought me close to death. I wanted to
avenge myself against both of them and would find no satisfaction
otherwise. Third was Bethanie..she'd been just an irritating thorn in
my side until she and Sheridan teamed up to outnumber me. Fourth was my
relationship with Marcus..I knew that he loved me once and could and
would love me again. What concerned me most was babies..would I be able
to bear normal children..would I even be blessed with children after
all that my body had endured? I dipped the pen and wrote my thoughts in
blood, then handed Valera the creased paper. She carefully nestled it
inside a white linen-lined red heart-shaped box, then poured the
remainder of my inkwell blood on top and closed the lid.
" This represents what you hold most dear, Desiree'. " She threw it
into the brightly burning fireplace logs. " Let this be an easement to
your soul. " Valera called the servants to bring hot water up for me to
bathe in.

She added lavender bath salts to the steaming liquid, the scent that
Marcus preferred above all others and although it made my heart happy,
I felt cheated and at a loss to think he'd want Bethanie to be
associated with it. " Valera, do you have any rose scented beads that
can be added? "

" Not that I'm aware of, Desiree', but that's of no consequence now. "
In one hand she held a long cylindrical vial of yellow, pink, and white
beads and in the other hand a vial of brown and red beads..she shook
both of them into the bathwater and mixed it altogether with a silver
rod and let it steep for a few minutes. " The emotional cleansing
essence of Evening Primrose and the beneficial aspects of Amaryllis
will reconnect you to living life one day at a time, while ridding you
of unwanted opinions or fixed ideas. The Crested Prickle Poppy reveals
your dark shadow side to help you work positively through your dream
state and Fireweed is a restoration essence that supports your ability
to successfully start over when destructive events destroy and defile.
" Valera helped me undress the rest of the way and I stepped into the
fragrant water. " Let the ritual words come to you. "

Great Goddess Kermes Twa
Let the mysteries of my heart and soul unfold to you
Set me free from disruptive and unwise thoughts
Infuse me with your blood
So I may enter my marriage vows
with the balance that male and female love brings

I relaxed in a misguided assumption that I'd sidestepped Valera's
inquisition, but she brought me back to the present moment. " Desiree',
quit your stalling..speak up while everyone's gone to town and we have
privacy. " She gave me a stern look that said she meant business.

My mind was transported to that fateful night. " Kermes Twa told me I
must come to my father's house and stay out of sight, hiding in the
holly bushes by the backside corner of the house until I saw Bethanie.
" I laughed outloud.

" What's so funny about this situation? " Valera halted my
musings.

" With Bethanie becoming engaged, I imagined she'd be impressing in all
her ball gown finery, but I was surprised beyond measure to see she
wore a man's black shirt and pants. She was the devious one, wanting to
blend in with the night itself so she wouldn't be seen. "

" Go on, Desiree'. " Valera listened intently.

" She ran down the path that led to Coltsfoot Canyon and ultimately
ended at the apple orchard, while I followed her at a discreet
distance. A sudden spring storm lit up the area with bolts of lightning
and black and grey thunderheads emmitted grumbling rumbles that
overflowed with huge droplets of cold biting rain. I caught up with
Bethanie at the rim and grabbed her arm, then turned her face to mine
as recognition dawned in her jadegreen eyes. Her scream pierced my ears
and I let go of her when a blinding flash of light revealed the
scornful blonde beauty of Sheridan shreiking that I'd get what I so
righteously deserved! She tackled me with the strength of a man and I
went sailing over the canyon's edge into the black ravine. I had
nothing to grab hold of and in a few short seconds I hit the jagged
rocks below..searing pain racked my body and then I felt the resounding
relief of nothingness. "

" What else happened? "

" When I regained consciousness, I found myself in the back of an
enclosed coach with a man I didn't recognize. He said many people had
been searching the area for me and he was bringing me back to my
father's house..I was horrified when called me by Bethanie's name.
"

" Desiree', no one here suspects that you're not Bethanie, and I hope
you can keep things that way. " I handed her the washcloth and she
soaped my back. " What did you and Marcus talk about on your carriage
ride? "

" Valera, I don't know if what he has up his sleeve bodes well
for me or not. " I frowned.

" You'd best spit it out while we're alone. "

" He and I are going to honeymoon onboard Goddess of the Sea, and then
live in Fredericksburg, of all places..Marcus mentioned the fact that
Sheridan's at Castle Desiree', fixing things up for our arrival. She
doesn't know that my condition has improved, though. " I rolled my
eyes. " With Bethanie safely out of her way, I'm the only one standing
between her and Marcus. While we're there I'll have enough time to get
my hands around her scrawny neck for some sweet payback! "

" What's that supposed to mean, Desiree'? "

" As a personal wedding gift, Marcus is building us a mansion to live
in on top of Mount Salem, not too far from here. When it's finished
we'll return and move in. " I shook my head. " That takes care of one
person who had a hand in pushing me over the edge, but what's become of
Bethanie? "

" Desiree', it doesn't take a genious to figure that one out. She'd
planned a midnight meeting with the love of her life, your friend,
Phillipe. "

" That makes sense. I guess she had no intentions of ever marrying
Marcus..Sheridan must have been there to see them off and then be in a
position to console Marcus when Bethanie wasn't found, but I showed up
instead of and before Phillipe. " I tried to take everything and put it
in it's proper perspective. " Marcus being in love with his perception
of Bethanie boggles my mind..not much of a basis for reality in this or
any other life. "

A knock sounded at my door and Valera answered it. " Girlie, your
wedding gown's arrived. "

" Regina, you have impeccable timing as always. Valera was just helping
me finish bathing. " I smiled with sly amusement. What would Bethanie's
wedding gown look like? Valera handed me a huge white Egyptian cotton
towel and I dried off. Regina had laid out silk pantaloons and a
whalebone corset with whispersoft satin to encase my breasts and I
slipped them on.

" Turn around, close your eyes and take a deep breath, Girlie. " I did
and Valera tightened the stays. " Now you may see the finished product!
"
The gown was heavyweight silk with horizontal markings, generously
adorned with white Italian lace. The high neckline was accented with
autumn gold velvet, as was the empire waist. Lavender and green floral
appliques were sewn around the flairing hemline. The fitted bodice had
a faux bolero jacket embellished with the same appliques. The sleeves
were full at the top and ended at the wrist with lace ruffles. I was
thinking that Bethanie did have some taste after all, but was proved
wrong.
" Bethanie, Count Marcus knew this would be to your liking when you
agreed to let him have it designed for you. "

I wanted to say, " At least it wasn't similar to my wedding dress. " I
gathered a pound of sincerity. " This is an unusual perfection. "

" You must try it on and see if there needs to be any last minute
adjustments. " Regina and Valera helped me step into it. The
measurements molded to my body and I gazed at my reflection in the
mirror. Was Marcus thinking of me when he envisioned this gown? It
certainly wouldn't have suited Bethanie, but it was me on many levels.
Not the young girl that Marcus had met and fallen in love with, but a
woman who'd managed to survive many trials and tribulations, growing
into a maturity I was sure Bethanie lacked. " You're indeed a bride
that Marcus can be proud of. Now for you veil. " I drew in my breath as
I recognized the lace headdress and train that my mother had worn when
she married my father. It was a perfect match to the Italian lace on
the wedding gown that Marcus had made for Bethanie.
" Girlie, when I showed this to Marcus, he knew exactly how he wanted
your wedding gown to look. " Bethanie and our mother had such a close
relationship..I had no way of knowing why my mother didn't love me the
same way. With no warning, I sank to the bed, drained of all emotional
and physical energy. Valera and Regina removed my dress and corset so I
could rest. Even though the goosedown mattress was guaranteed to keep
one warm, my body was wracked with aches and pains and I shivered under
the quilts, then blacked out, my unbalanced system demanding a feeding
of fresh sweet blood.

" Desiree', the hour grows late. " Sturdy hands forced a cup of
salty-sweet liquid against my trembling lips. Valera and Gustav had
saved me from a near-death situation once again.

As strength slowly returned to my body and mind, a heaviness pressed
upon my heart..I felt like a lost and lonely little girl who was made
to suffer through no fault of her own.
" Valera, where did this life force come from? "

" From a young girl who died this afternoon..it's the best Gustav could
do without raising any alarms. "

The door opened and Marcus strode in. He took me in his arms and held
me close to his strongly beating heart, his skin alive with the scent
of cinnamon and cloves. I breathed his essence into my lungs, then
opened my eyes to a unending view of his neck and spotted a drop of red
where he must have nicked himself with hurried shaving. I touched my
finger to that tiny bit of life force, and brought it to rest on my
tongue. I flinched as my name violently impacted every cell in my body
and reverberated throughout the room!
" Bethanie, are you all right? " I certainly didn't want to be
Bethanie, when I knew his blood still circulated my name to his heart
and soul. I found it exceedingly hard to restrain the anger I felt
inside at all the lies, deceptive appearances and numerous sacrifices I
was making. I wanted more than anything for Marcus to put his total
emphasis on me, not on Bethanie.

" Desiree', this sham won't last forever, but I beg you to show caution
by letting Marcus retain all entitlements to his blood. " Kermes Twa
was harsh in tone and spirit. " It's a major sin to invade his privacy
in any manner..even though he's revealed that he still thinks of you
and mourns his loss, those thoughts and feelings belong exclusively to
him. You're forbidden to taste his blood again until the timing is
right! Do I make myself abundantly clear on this matter? "

" As clear as Cinderella's glass slipper. " I made a vow to obey her
words, but it all boiled down to the fact that my first taste of his
blood was just another step in my downward spiral..an addiction in the
making that I had no way of controlling.

" Bethanie.. " Marcus lifted my chin and gazed deep into my
eyes..
" everything will be all right, I promise you. " He smoothed my hair
and sang me a lullaby that I remembered well.

Sailing on a ship called Dreams
Let your life be as it seems
Tho wind and waves may swell on high
I shall keep you love, right by my side

My arms shall keep you safe and warm
My heart will shelter you from harm
You are my ocean's precious pearl
My one and only, sweetest baby girl

My mother had sung that song to Bethanie and me when we were but tiny
girls, but overnight things had changed and both Bethanie and my mother
shunned me as if I was a pariah. I didn't understand then or now.
Marcus kissed away tears of sorrow that overflowed down my cheeks,
holding me close as I cried and gasped in ernest, not knowing what he
thought of me as myself or Bethanie. I drifted off to sleep, enfolded
in his arms.

The young girl's blood raced merrily through my veins as Bethanie, my
mother and I played outside near our favorite spot, the shade of an old
oak tree not far from the white-flowered apple orchard. The spring sun
was bright and yellow, but soon the afternoon sky turned to clouds of
black and grey. My father overshadowed us, standing with the family
Bible in his outstretched hands..he opened it to a bookmarked page. My
mother's face turned the same color as the low hanging clouds and her
tears flowed in torrents as my father screamed horrible insults at her.
He took Bethanie and my mother inside our house, and I was left alone
to confront the thunder and lightning of the raging storm. Nothing was
ever the same in our home or family.