Other Side of Forever

THE OTHER SIDE OF FOREVER

There was so much blood. It hung suspended in globules from the artexed
ceiling. It spattered across the blue carpet marking out a grotesque
and gory pattern. It washed over Matt's inert form, swirling in a
kaleidoscope of murky colour, merging with other bodily fluids as water
sprayed down from the overhead shower.
She was alerted from her almost comatose state by an urgent banging
coming from the ground floor of the house. Snatching up the discarded
and bloodied blade from the floor Josie launched herself into the tub,
falling heavily on her lover's body. The water, diluted now to a paler
shade, was warm and comforting. It enveloped her in a friendly caress
soothing her shaking limbs and cocooning her entire being as the
ripples of her hasty submergence ebbed gently away.
The sharp crackling of splintering glass brought her to unwelcome
awareness and gritting her teeth Josie sawed the razor again and again
across her left wrist. Unintentionally the blade slipped through her
fingers as she gasped with pain, her own blood pumping from her opened
vein.
She had no recollection of strong arms hauling her to safety, neither
was she aware of the shriek of sirens or of hurtling through dark
streets as paramedics fought to stop her life's blood flowing rapidly
from her.
The discomfort of starchy pillows brought Josie into despairing
wakefulness. She had failed in her attempt to join the others because
of a rail strike. Believing Matt would wait for her had proved a fatal
error. She had misjudged him; regardlessly he had kept to the appointed
time, an agreement between the four of them and that elusive fifth. Now
she had missed the crossing to that wonderful, superior realm where
only the favoured ones were admitted. Matt's eagerness to leave without
her was a cruel blow, indicative that the temptation was greater than
his love for her. The knowledge was bitter.
A nurse drifted into the small side ward of the hospital to check on
her patient's progress but Josie, unequal to the effort of conversing,
feigned sleep. Eventually, she acknowledged, she must face reality but
not yet, not until she had time to adapt.
Her stay in hospital was brief. The self-inflicted physical damage
healing rapidly. She was disinclined to converse with anyone including
her estranged mother who had travelled from London to Cornwall to visit
her. Deciding her state of mind to be disabling the authorities
considered returning her to her own home was not an option and Josie
was discharged from the hospital and conveyed by ambulance to a
psychiatric clinic.
The institution was a large attractive old house nestling in a valley
and surrounded by shrubbery. Josie realised her father, whom she had
not seen since he had divorced her mother several years previously in
order to marry a woman half his age, must have financed her enforced
visit. Her bedroom was not merely clean and comfortable but possessed a
touch of opulence. The dining area she had passed through looked more
like a restaurant and her glimpse of a large lounge persuaded her that
the establishment could certainly not be run by the NHS.

During that first day Josie was allowed time to settle in. She refused,
however, to take advantage of any of the recreational facilities
provided, preferring to remain in her bedroom where half eaten meals
were removed silently.
On the second day she was escorted by a woman in a crisp uniform to be
introduced to her psychiatrist, a man she judged to be in his early
thirties.
"Come in Josie. Please sit down. I won't keep you waiting long."
He possessed a deep, rich baritone voice and as he shuffled through a
pile of papers Josie had ample opportunity to study his bowed head
unobserved. His short, cropped hair was very dark, long, almost girlish
lashes fanned his cheeks but when he glanced up she was startled by icy
blue eyes that appeared cold and calculating.
"Sorry, I did keep you waiting after all," he murmured at last,
standing up to lean across the wide desk and offer his hand. Josie
ignored the gesture and without commenting he withdrew his arm and
resumed his seat. She found his seemingly casual scrutiny of her
disconcerting but managed to hold his steady gaze.
"I'm Dr Conway, Laurence Conway," he informed her crisply. "I have
decided to deal with your case personally. As we will no doubt be
meeting each day I would appreciate your co-operation. If you fail to
co-operate your stay here could prove long and arduous, if, however,
you decide to be honest with me then we may enjoy only a brief
acquaintance. Do I make myself clear?"
Josie nodded but failed to respond verbally, an action that brought a
frown to Dr Conway's brow. He pushed a newspaper across the desk. The
headlines leapt out at her. She gazed at the photographs of Matt, Kevin
and Laura. The press must have persuaded their relatives to release
them or perhaps they had paid for the privilege. All three were
smiling, happy. Now as far as the world was concerned they were dead.
The police had been quick to link the suicides and a brief mention of
her own, failed effort, had also been included in the report.
The police had attempted to question Josie whilst she was in hospital,
due to the bizarre situation suggesting a suicide pact, but they had
received no response. She fervently hoped that as no foul play was
suspected further investigation would prove unnecessary and she would
be left in peace.
"Are you going to tell me why Josie?" demanded Laurence Conway. "We
already know the other three died at approximately the same time. Or
have the media got it wrong? Did you simply discover your boyfriend had
opted out and decided you couldn't live without him? Somehow I don't
think so."
Josie continued to read the newspaper report. Seeing everything in
print brought it into sharp focus. She learnt that Laura, her best
friend since senior school, had hung herself in one of her father's
barns, whilst Kevin who had instigated their bid for freedom had thrown
himself under a train. Josie shuddered involuntarily as the thought
occurred that it might have even been the train she was travelling on,
desperate to reach Matt in time. Common sense informed her the train
would have been stopped, but Kevin may have been instrumental and in
some way partially responsible for the rail strike that had caused her
fatal delay.
Josie blinked the tears from her eyes. She was trapped in an unbearable
situation with no hope of escape and knew the only possible way out of
her dilemma was to talk, if she was ever to be allowed her freedom. Her
father was a wealthy man who could afford to keep her imprisoned
indefinitely with Dr Conway's collaboration. He would not be prepared
to make her his responsibility other than financially.
"What do you want to know?" she asked listlessly.
Dr Conway's lips twitched into a semblance of a smile. "Were the four
of you part of a cult?" he asked, surprised when his patient shook her
head adamantly. "What then? The coincidences of the suicides is too
great to be just that."
"It was planned," Josie admitted. "We were all supposed to commit
ourselves at the same time. Laura and Kevin decided on their own course
of action but Matt and I wanted to be together. Matt promised to help
me but I was delayed. You know the rest."
"Matt didn't wait."
"He was afraid to."
"Was he your boyfriend?"
"Fiance."
"Let's sum up, shall we?" and without waiting for or expecting an
answer, Laurence Conway continued. "We have four people, all in their
early twenties with more than their fair share of good looks. They are
intelligent and have excellent careers and yet they wish to put an end
to their lives. You tell me?" and he looked at Josie expectantly.
"It's a long story," she murmured wearily, running a hand agitatedly
through her shoulder length hair. "The decision wasn't taken lightly.
Families were considered, but eventually we reached a unanimous
agreement. What we were being offered couldn't be denied."
"But you lucked out."
"Yes," she agreed miserably.
"I think that will do for today," and Dr Conway abruptly terminated the
interview. "I have another appointment. I'll see you tomorrow, same
time, same place." As Josie rose to leave he added, "Try to mingle with
my other 'guests.' It won't help you if you insist on isolating
yourself."
Nodding briefly Josie exited the room with alacrity.
After his patient's departure Laurence Conway remained seated for a few
moments considering her case. He didn't really believe there was
anything wrong that a few hours counselling couldn't have handled, but
as her father was able and willing to pay he was in no hurry to forfeit
his fees.
Laurence Conway had opened his private clinic three years previously
and after the initial struggle had managed to become known for his
expertise. Those who were able to afford his services were eager for
their loved ones to have the best treatment available. He was, however,
selective in the patients he admitted and rarely became involved unless
he was sure his fees would be paid promptly. He was, in fact, an
extremely good psychiatrist but first he was a businessman who intended
to succeed in his chosen profession as he continued to build his empire
on the downfall and distress of others. It was his unwritten rule never
to become emotionally involved with his patients or their relatives
whom he had no real sympathy for despite the nature of his work.
Rising now he crossed the room to greet the husband of a patient he had
been treating for several weeks.
Josie returned to her room feeling exhausted. She lay on the bed
staring unseeingly at the ornate ceiling and eventually drifted into a
restless and unrefreshing sleep. When she awoke she thought she could
hear Matt's voice calling her. Sitting up she rubbed her eyes and gazed
around the room. He was not there, nobody was there and yet the voice
persisted until she cried aloud.
"Oh Matt! What am I to do?"
"Come and join us."
"Where are you?" she demanded, wondering if her imagination was playing
tricks on her.
"Here. Can't you see me babe?"
"No! Where are you?"
"By the chair."
"If it's really you tell me what to do," she pleaded.
"Try again."
"There's nothing to try with."
"You'll have to find something then."
"Can I still come?"
"Angel's holding the portal open but his strength is waning. You don't
have much time. Hurry!"
"I can't do it. Help me Matt, please help me."
Josie listened in horror to the silence and knew he was no longer with
her. She must manage on her own. She ran to the window but even had it
not been barred the drop was too short. Turning to the chest of drawers
she rifled through her clothes only to discover her belts and tights
had been removed which was probably just as well, Josie reflected,
knowing she wouldn't have been able to find the necessary courage to
follow Laura's example. Even the contents of her en-suite shower room
proved futile. Any items that may have aided another suicide bid had
disappeared, even her small nail scissors. She was a prisoner without
the means to remove herself.
Mealtimes came and went but Josie refused to venture from her room. The
staff must have received instructions to stop feeding her unless she
ate in the dining room. It didn't matter and when darkness descended
she slept, hungry and mentally drained.
Her first words on entering Laurence Conway's office the following
morning were, "Please, I'm begging you. You must help me."
His gaze roamed over her lovely face; deep blue eyes, pert nose, soft
perfectly formed lips, all framed by a luxurious mass of golden curls.
Laurence felt the unfamiliar sensation of a stirring in his loins and
fought desire for neutrality.
"But Josie my dear, I'm trying to help you. I will if you'll let me.
That's what I'm here for."
"You don't understand. I have to join the others. I must get out of
here."
"And you will in time," he assured her. "But tell me, what's so
wonderful about dying?"
"You had to be there. It's not the dying, that's the difficult part,
it's the afterwards."
"Tell me then, try me. No!" and he held up his hand as she would have
spoken again. "I want you to tell me everything, from the
beginning."
"Very well, but if I do you have to promise to help me."
"Of course," he told her smoothly. "Now try to relax. You're with a
friend!"
"It was Kev's idea really."
"And Kev is who?"
"Laura's boyfriend. They weren't living together like Matt and me but
they'd been an item for years. Laura still lived with her parents on
their farm. Kevin had his own flat. The four of us often spent time
together."
&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;
"Come on guys," Kevin urged. "You know you want to."
"I don't," countered Josie. "It's dangerous."
"Rubbish!"
"It's only a bit of fun," Matt murmured persuasively in Josie's ear and
she knew she would join in if Laura agreed.
"Kev's been hearing noises," Laura admitted. "Haven't you Kev?"
"Yeah good voices. Now are you all chicken or what?"
"Got a board then?" asked Matt.
"Nothing as fancy as that," Laura told him, "But I've printed letters
and numbers on pieces of card," and she pulled open a drawer.
The four friends trooped into Kev's cluttered dining room where the
small round mahogany table had been cleared and looked shiny as if it
had been recently polished. Laura laid her letters in a circle adding
the numbers nought to nine and placed a wine glass in the centre before
turning off the over head light, leaving only a dim glow shining
through from the kitchen.
"Is this all really necessary?" asked Josie nervously, but the others
were already taking their places around the table and she now felt
compelled to join them.
"Put the tip of your forefinger lightly on the top of the glass," Kevin
instructed. "No pressure."
"What now?" whispered Laura.
"Concentrate."
Four pairs of eyes closed obediently and for several seconds there was
silence. Josie nearly leapt to her feet when Kevin's voice asked
loudly, "Is anybody there?" He repeated the question three times before
the glass began to quiver. Josie almost withdrew her finger but
catching Matt's disapproving frown managed to quell the impulse.
The glass spelt out the word yes and as one question led to another it
gained momentum.
That first time very little seemed to make sense, but the small group
persevered until finally one night Angel contacted them. He conversed
fluently through the home made ouija board, relating interesting and
often exciting tales of centuries past when he claimed to have been
connected to one or the other of them through kinship or
marriage.
In a few short weeks what had begun as a game turned into an obsession.
Angel returned again and again telling the friends of his journeys
through various lives and how now he enjoyed perfection in
paradise.
Apart from their group sessions, individually the four experienced
strange revelations either in dream context or visions created, they
believed, by Angel. Singularly they became convinced of another world
beyond their comprehension.
Laura saw images of her child; an infant conceived unbeknown to her
closest friends during her university years when she and Josie had been
separated. Her baby girl had died at just a few weeks old due to
breathing complications. Laura had continued to mourn. Seeing her so
graphically; a bonny child now being nurtured by strangers and growing
up amidst the wondrous bounty of Angel's world, but motherless, was
enough. Laura was totally committed.
Matt saw only hope of a new life where health was guaranteed. He had
recently been diagnosed as suffering from a wasting disease that
although mild at present would render him practically helpless within a
few years. His decision was simple.
Kevin had been orphaned during infancy when his parents died tragically
in a car accident. Seeing their radiant smiling faces, their arms
outstretched towards him only confirmed his intention. He would have
gone anyway. He was the only one of the four who hated his work and
despised himself for not attempting to seek a more favourable means of
earning his living. Now he was being offered harmony, contentment and a
chance to attain anything he desired.
Josie took the most convincing despite her visions seeming so genuine.
Angel's melodic voice was hypnotic. He mesmerised her with idyllic
scenes. She viewed lush meadows where her old pony Pickles was
rejuvenated, her labrador Lady romping in the green velvet with him.
Both animals had long since perished and had been resurrected. Matt was
the main attraction as she watched him in his virtual paradise,
incomplete without her and she knew she had no choice.
If they delayed their departure life and events would taint their
purity of heart and they would no longer be acceptable, continuing to
trudge the world through many lives of pain and sorrow before once
again they could stand before Angel cleansed of mortal sin and prepared
for acceptance into his world.
"We do it tomorrow," stated Kevin emphatically, his dark, heavy brows
drawn together in a frown as if he suspected a traitor in their
midst.
The others, however, nodded solemnly, all expertly prepared, knowing
this was to be their last gathering on earth.
"It'll be easier if we go through together," he continued. "Angel will
be waiting for us."
"I'm so scared," Josie whispered to Matt who responded by patting her
hand and assuring her she would not be alone and they would stand
before Angel united.
&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;&;#8230;
"As you are aware," said Josie looking up into the eyes of her
psychiatrist. "It didn't happen that way. I needed to see my
grandmother to say goodbye. Of course she didn't know it was goodbye
forever, or so I believed. The others stayed home all day. No point
going to work was there?"
"And you missed your appointment with death because of a cancelled
train," Laurence concluded.
Josie nodded. "Common sense tells me all this must sound ridiculous to
an outsider, but I know it's true."
"I have no doubt that you and your friends believed it to be true."
Laurence Conway paused and gazed at her intently examining the words in
his mind before he spoke. "Josie have you considered the possibility
that your dreams and visions could have been created purely from your
own imagination? You each saw what you wanted to see. Do you honestly
believe you would enjoy living forever?"
"It's not like that," she protested. "Time is different. There are so
many wonderful places, things to see and learn. It would take many of
our natural lifetimes to explore every opportunity even here. There it
is infinite. There are also facilities for those wishing to take a
break."
"Really!" and Laurence raised his brows, adding silently that their
Angel had everything nicely sewn up.
"Yes really," snapped Josie. "It's clear to me doctor that you don't
believe a word I've said. I wish now I'd kept my silence. You're no
friend to me. You promised to help me."
"I'm trying to."
"It doesn't feel that way from here. I'd like to go to my room
now."
"Goodbye then," Laurence dismissed her curtly. "I'll expect you
tomorrow, same time."
Without answering Josie rose quickly from her seat and tossing her mane
of hair defiantly strode the short distance to the door, slamming it
childishly behind her on her way out.
"What a waste," Laurence murmured to himself. He was aware of becoming
too involved with his new patient. Whilst she was relating her story
he'd had ample opportunity to study her features, and Christ, she was
beautiful, enough to make the angels' weep he thought ironically. He
snarled, "Angel," in his derision. What a ridiculous name these young
people had attributed to their imaginary ghost.
Glancing at his watch Laurence realised he was late for his next
appointment and berating himself silently he hurriedly vacated the
building. The drive to the local hospital where he was about to
interview a prospective client was a short one but priding himself on
his punctuality Laurence stepped on the accelerator, speeding out of
the drive. Taking the next bend too sharply he hit the brakes as the
rover slid out of control, jerking across the road halted only by a
stalwart tree. Laurence was flung forward and hit his head on the
windscreen with a resounding thump.
As consciousness returned and Laurence groped his way out of the
darkness he blinked rapidly in the bright glow surrounding him. He
moaned softly, experimentally probing the bruise on his head with
shaking fingers. He sensed he was not alone and for an instant believed
himself to be dead.
An apparition floated before his cloudy vision. A figure clad in white
from head to toe loomed large and magnificent; immense wings sprouted
from his broad shoulders, ebony eyes and long dark hair supplied a
striking contrast.
Instinctively Laurence acknowledged that before him hovered Josie's
incomparable Angel and he understood the true meaning of the name. The
beautiful face smiled gently upon him and Laurence relaxed, fear
departing with his acceptance. When the perfect lips parted, speaking
in soft, mysteriously mesmeric tones all Laurence's psychiatric
training deserted him, leaving him aware only of his overwhelming
desire to please this heavenly being. When Angel conjured for him
images of Josie's distress if she was forced to live out her life on
earth, he was horrified to witness her lovely face brutally disfigured
almost beyond recognition, self inflicted by her numerous failed
attempts to make the journey towards the everlasting light. Superficial
scarring were only Josie's outward signs of wretchedness as she turned
desperately to drugs as a means of escapism. Her firm young flesh had
withered from her body leaving it emaciated. Abject misery stared
accusingly at him through lack lustre eyes.
As the images faded and Angel whispered, "You know what you must do,"
Laurence nodded.
"I promise," he muttered, watching as the apparition withdrew in a
milky cloud to mingle with the sky.
Sirens blared and Laurence found himself whisked to hospital.
Fortunately he'd sustained no permanent damage and was only detained,
despite his verbal objections, overnight. The following morning he
ordered a taxi to take him back to the clinic where he found Josie
already seated in his office waiting for him.
Her genuine concern for his safety touched him when she mentioned the
purple bruise on his brow.
"It's nothing," he told her, "A minor accident."
Josie nodded thoughtfully. She sensed something had happened to Dr
Conway that extended beyond the physical evidence. The hardness had
left his eyes; there was a softer look about his mouth. Perhaps being
hurt had shown him a different aspect of his own mortality.
"I understand from matron that you ah&;#8230;&;#8230;" Laurence
cleared his throat as if what he was about to say discomfited him. "You
tried to leave us."
"Escape you mean," she corrected bluntly.
"It's not necessary."
"For me it is."
"You don't understand."
"I'm supposed to say that," and for the first time in their brief
acquaintance he detected a glimmer of humour, humour that at any cost
must be restored.
"I've decided to help you," he stated.
"The help you are offering is no use to me," Josie retorted. "I'm not
mad Dr Conway or even slightly unbalanced. I have no place here."
"I know."
"You know," she echoed incredulously. "Then why detain me any
longer?"
"Because you can't do this thing alone and I'm the only one who's
prepared to help you."
Josie eyed him warily for several minutes whilst the silence grew
around them. She found no deception in the pale blue eyes, only
compassion. He no longer appeared detached, seeming to pulsate with an
inner strength.
"You've met Angel."
"Yes, and I gave him my word that I would personally help you. We have
to be quick. Time is running out."
"If you're implicated in this act your career is down the drain. You'll
probably go to prison," Josie felt compelled to point out.
"I know, but there's no time to arrange an alternative method that
might scrape past the coroner. It must be soon."
"But you'll be arrested for murder."
"Probably."
"Am I worth it?"
"Oh yes, all I ask is that you put in a good word for me with
Angel."
"Of course."
"Go now. I'll come to your room tonight."
Josie lay on her bed wide awake staring at the ceiling that had become
so familiar to her as she waited for Laurence Conway. Although she was
very nervous she was also excited. Soon she would be reunited with Matt
and her lonely struggle would be over. She had Angel to thank, for
without his intervention she would be helpless, stranded and alone,
forced to bear the burden of knowledge for the rest of her natural
days.
Laurence Conway had proved to be her salvation and although she longed
to make this brief journey she was not without reservations. It was
cruel to leave him to face the consequences of his unselfish action
alone. However, Angel had commanded and Laurence, like the rest of them
had fallen under his spell and was compelled to obey. A slight tremor
shook her slender shoulders, but Josie resolutely resisted the impulse
to reason. No one, least of all her, had the right to question Angel's
motives. He was the pure, unadulterated Supreme Being of her
rebirth.
Darkness had descended by the time Laurence tapped lightly on her
bedroom door. Josie did not rise but bade him enter. Switching on the
light he crossed the room and Josie gazed up at him as he in turn
searched her face for answers he knew he could not possibly find. Now
the moment had arrived neither had a choice and had no alternative put
to put their faith in that unknown and for Josie, as yet untried
entity.
Laurence fiddled with the hypodermic needle concealed in his jacket
pocket. Suddenly the enormity of what he was about to do filled his
mind with doubt.
"What are you going to do?" asked Josie, her voice squeaking with
fear.
"Don't be afraid," he told her gently, sounding much calmer than he
felt. "It will be quick and painless. You are sure about this?"
Josie nodded as the room became swathed in a white light. Matt, Laura
and Kevin stretched their arms towards her encompassed in the outspread
wings of Angel.
"You gave me your word," Angel accused, smouldering orbs of fascination
seeming to burn deep into Laurence's very soul.
"I will keep it," he replied evenly, gazing with awe at the wondrous
apparition whose power could never be denied.
"Come to me Josie my love," urged Matt. "Time is ebbing away
quickly."
"Yes! Yes!" she gasped as Laurence plunged the fatal dose into her
right arm.
Long after Josie had drawn her last breath Laurence Conway lingered on.
Dawn was breaking when he finally rose and walked slowly from the room.
He descended the wide staircase and made his way to reception where the
door stood open revealing the night sister who was taking a well-earned
break from her duties.
"Are you all right Dr Conway?" she asked, frowning worriedly at his
haggard appearance. "I didn't realise you were here."
"I'm afraid we have a death to report."
Laurence was arrested a few hours later on the charge of murder.
Feeling totally detached from the proceedings he answered the police
questioning with some amusement and a great deal of pity. He could see
no point in lying. The coroner would discover Josie's cause of death
soon enough and he would only be delaying the problem if he
prevaricated. He knew his destiny to be a monumental awakening and a
few hours or even days would make little difference to him now. Josie
and Angel would not leave him to suffer the consequences of his action
for long.
When finally Laurence was led to a cell and locked in he remained
confident, sitting on the edge of the solitary bunk waiting
expectantly. He was totally unprepared for the laughter, which began as
a chuckle; the volume increasing gradually until it boomed and vibrated
in his brain making a mockery of belief and idealism.
As tears of bewilderment and horror trickled down his ashen cheeks,
Doctor Laurence Conway, wealthy and eminent psychiatrist tripped over
the edge of sanity.