In Papayaland

It normally starts with a call for help. Usually coming from:
1. (helpless) female 2. young kid 3. Someone looking for praise
(usually male) 4. new (insecure) author 5. untalented writer (or a
combination 1/2, 2/3, etc.)

It is never from: a. an already published writer b. a (macho) guy
(unless 3 above)
c. a much-adulated poet or author

So away they go, an assortment of Papayaland self-appointed critics,
some of them with a more or less permanent status, others just inspired
on the spur of the moment, still others motivated with an altruistic
purpose or parental feelings (generally in the case of number 2 above).
The all flock to the particular story whose (hopeful) author has sent
that SOS, critics expecting to find the new Joyce or Beckett, minimum
the new Azimov . . .

TweedleD and Tweddledon't

Tweedledon't: Hey Tweed, I have my doubts of being qualified for this
job. Can I really critique his/her work?

TweedleD: How many boobs does Sophia Loren have?

Tweedledon't: Er.... two!

TweedleD: Can you name at least five terms for boobs?

Tweedledon't Er... I think so...

TweedleD: Then you are qualified Tweed, but if there are no boobs in
the story then you are in trouble.

Tweedledon't: And you, Tweed, what are you going to do?

TweedleD Oh I'll be in charge of the other parts of the female
anatomy.

Tweedledon't: Wow!

A few minutes later . . .

Altruistic critic/matronly lady.

(Wow, that piece really stinks! Poor kid! . I feel sorry for whoever
has to read his story. It is uninteresting, full of cliches, the plot
is common and not handled imaginatively, the grammar reflects our
educational system to a T. But I can't say that. I can't hurt that
kid's feelings and maybe disgrace him/her forever. Maybe this person
will never write again and it will my fault.)

A not so altruistic critic and new contributor in Papayaland:

(Wow, that piece really stinks! I wonder how he got that Papaya. I
don't feel that hot now about my own Papaya. But now that I think about
it . . . I got papayaed in two seconds flat after I posted my story and
it was about three kilometers long! How could the editor have read it
in its entirety? Questions, questions).

At the Forum:

Altruistic critic: I'm back. Ok, the story is . . .well, interesting. I
particularly like
the part about the moon eating its own gums.

Mantronly lady: I totally agree. It really reminds me of what my own
kids write (about).

Long term participant: You have an interesting piece there but we have
a section here in Papayaland where you can get your work critiqued.
It's better if you go there.

(If I am honest I'll be unpopular. Let them deal with this one).