Park-Life

Park-Life

Pond life is the name for life - that is living organisms - that live
in ponds. And so naturally Park-Life are living organisms that live in
parks. They are sometimes called 'pond scum,' sometimes known as
'scallies' but my best friend and I call them Park-Life for the above
reason.

You might be a little confuzzled about what an earth I'm going on
about, and yet I can assure you that you have probably seen
many-a-Park-Life in you life, you may have even seen one today and
perhaps you might have tried a conversation - if you can call it that.
Basically, Park-Life are those good-for-nothing pieces of scum, slag
and shit that lurch around, cause chaos and shouting "OI! What ya
lookin' at?" and grunt, even though you were looking at the notice
board BEHIND them. It's the infestations of Park-Life that cause
99.9\\% of vandalism and it's the Park-Life that decide there is no
better place or way to pronounce their love than scrawl "Lisa 4 Liam"
on the walls of a toilet cubicles.

Park-Life are a kind of subspecies. A kind of genetic throw back to the
time when all humans did was eat, drink, sleep and fuck. Now all they
do it eat, drink, sleep, fuck and txt. That's right, you can't be
proper piece of Park-Life scum unless you have a mobile phone. Texting
is to Park-Like is what conversation is to anyone else. I have no idea
what they txt, but should it be anything like what they scream across
crowded class rooms or yell to a friend from a mile away, then I don't
I would understand them at all. I do like to thing of myself as quite
"with it". I know most - if not all - of the slang terms in use at the
moment. I know the different between a cocksucker and a carpet muncher
but I was completely baffled to hear a boy shout:

"SALT AND PEPPER BUM RAPE!!"

"CHEESE AND ONION CLITORIS!"

How the hell does he know what favour her bits are? What's truly
baffling is that from the tone of his voice I think that "Cheese and
Onion Clitoris" was supposed to be an insult. What's wrong with "Fuck
off you bitch?" Whatever next? Ready salted penis? Porn Cocktail?
Bloody hell&;#8230;

But get me wrong Park-Life aren't COMPLETELY without cause. Okay, so I
might have just spent the three paragraphs slanting them but they do
have their uses. Who would sign heavily and roll their eyes when we ask
where the station toilets are at the kiosk? Who would chew gum at us
and sneer when we want to buy something while their busy texting? Who
would glare at us through heavy black eyeliner when we go to the
supermarket and ask where the mayonnaise is? And who would keep every
bloody cigarette, alco-pop, mobile phone, hair dye and permanent marker
pen company is business?

Park-Life.