Phobia-Fear of Revolving Doors

PHOBIAS
The Fear of Revolving Doors

Webster's simple definition of Phobia is "morbid fear, dislike". I
could babble into greater detail and flaunt my intelligence, or lack of
it, but those words pretty much sum it up, especially the first
two.

Morbid fear...Webster says morbid means, "unwholesome, sickly". Fear is
defined as, "dread, alarm; unpleasant emotion caused by coming evil or
danger". Therefore a phobia can be described as a dreaded unpleasant
emotion caused by coming unwholesome sickly evil. That certainly sounds
like something to be afraid of.

I searched in vane for the technical term for the phobia, fear of
Revolving Doors. The closest I could come was Agoraphobia, the fear of
public places or open spaces. Agoraphobics try to avoid being in
situations from which they think escape would be difficult; this is
often diagnosed in conjunction with panic disorder.

For lack of a better word, I've given name to the Revolving Door phobia
as Orbitagoraphobia. All those opposed to the designation signify by a
show of hands. Having seen no such opposition the name will go into
effect from this day forward. Remember?You were there!

Orbitagoraphobics are those individuals with a fear of using revolving
doors. They have been know to miss appointments, cancel lunches, and
stand in the rain because revolving doors were the only means of entry
into a building. They have been seen running through allies, banging on
back doors and climbing through windows. They've even leaped for fire
escapes. Many of you may find this amusing.

I got news for ya! The fear of revolving doors is not to be laughed
at!

A recent Top Secret U.S. Government X File, which I found in a public
restroom, describes in detail the newest method of alien abductions. I
will offer a brief account but you must promise not to tell anyone, ok?
I mean, it is a secret.

Apparently, like on Earth, nothing in the universe is perfect. There
are little glitches here and there from time to time, slight defects.
Most previous abductions took place in open fields. The subjects were
beamed to the Alien Mother Ship, examined, and their memories of the
event wiped clean. However due to the glitches, when these individuals
were returned to Earth, the space-time continuium was slightly off,
causing them to feel a sense of dizziness or loss of balance.

To compensate for this, Aliens have been using Revolving Door
Abductions. For them it is a perfect scenario. Think about it. When
someone is in a revolving door they are neither in the building, nor
out of it, but rather in a state of suspended animation. Nobody
actually sees them. Nobody actually knows where they are. For those few
seconds they really aren't anywhere. Zap! Away they go!

After extensive examining, probing, tickling, or whatever they do, the
subjects are returned to the revolving doors. The space-time continuium
glitch is regarded as dizziness or loss of balance due to turning while
in the doors. Most people never realize they've been shanghaied. The
ones that do are the ones that stay out of revolving doors.

What can we do? Obviously don't use the doors. You don't have to become
an Orbitagoraphobic, but boycott them. Use other doors. Tell your
friends, tell everyone?however, don't tell them why?remember it's a
secret?

If you choose otherwise, that's up to you. It's your life! But bear in
mind, if you walk through a revolving door, and you feel a slight
dizziness or loss of balance, you probably were just abducted.