Rredundant twice

In 1995, I was made redundant for the second time during my fifties.
Being made redundant is difficult at any age as there is always a sense
of rejection no matter what the circumstances or reasons behind the
redundancy. When your 50+ there are even greater obstacles as there is
the unacknowledged "ageism" factor in society to contend with. It seems
no matter what your experience has been the qualifications acquired,
level of responsibility achieved or record of loyalty demonstrated you
remain beyond the pale. Often these apparent assets only make things
worse as you are often more skilled and experienced than the younger
folk doing the recruitment and this creates interview difficulties as
you often present a threat to them if you were to be hired. The
depressing thought hits you that you are "a square peg " and there only
round holes to be filled. Its not surprising being redundant can become
depressing, a sense of failure emerges as you feel increasingly left on
the shelf unused and unwanted. I know I often walked the dog in the
morning to get some exercise and help pass the day and often had to
negotiate a nearby main road where the commuter queue tailed into town.
Even seeing those delays did not help as it increased the sense that
every one else is on the "merry-go-round" but your just standing
looking on as your don't have the money for the ride. In my case there
was an over-riding consolation (apart from the support of my wife and
family) as I have been a committed Christian since I was 48 (some seven
years earlier in 1987). What difference does being a Christian make you
may well ask? Its a fair question as Christians are affected by events
in the same way as non-believers i.e. they fall ill, sometimes they die
in air crashes and accidents, they have similar family problems that
are encountered by folk in this day and age. My answer would be the
"perspective" being a committed Christian gives to you or you might
describe this as peace of mind that comes from a feeling of "wholeness"
(shalom the Bible describes this in Hebrew) from the relationship you
have with Jesus. We know being out of work or any similar problems that
can affect us are relatively small in the greater scheme of things,
even though they may have an "apparently" significant material impact
on our lives In my case what I make from my self-employment now is less
than a third of my salary I made in 1990 when first out of work, yet we
seem to manage just as well, maybe a few holidays etc less etc. Each
one of us is unique and important for who we are (if you look around
the natural world you can see the great variety in creation there is
and it's the same with human beings). We are valued for we are and no
one is "greater or more important" than any one else in the eyes of
Jesus. This perspective also helps to cope with the depression arising
from "rejected feelings" that inevitably comes from being out of work
as it looks to the future as well as the present. We become born anew
as it were spiritually and as this dimension comes alive within us the
promises in the Bible of the future to come create an inner assurance
and peace of mind. It can be summed up I suppose for a Christian as
"trust and obey " as we take one day at a time. Some four months after
my 1995 redundancy I put an ad in the local press and set myself up as
a tax agent/accountant and now some four years later I find I work
about 70\% of a full day (but I decide when!) and we have time to spend
with two of our grand-daughters who live nearby. I wish I'd had the
courage to had done this in my forties, but you don't when you have a
mortgage and I didn't know then "who" I came to know in 1987 which
changed me and the course of my life, but that another story!