A-Same Blue Sky #1

Same Blue Sky

The sun peered in through a crack in my fluffy purple curtains. It was
hard to wake up these days. Every morning started the same, every
morning even more unbearable than the one before it. I pressed my face
deep in my warm pillow, wishing I could stay just like this forever. I
felt like I had just fallen asleep. My body ached of tiredness, and my
eyes felt heavy, they were reluctant to open. Still, the sun pounded
relentlessly at my bed, beckoning me awake slowly. I opened my eyes and
stared up at the ceiling. It was a pale blue, like my walls. Sometimes
I wished they were anything but blue. Pink, or yellow, or even red.
Anything but blue. Waking up every morning and staring up at blue. Just
blue, like the sky. It became a routine: fall asleep, wake up, stare at
blue. The same blue that I had seen the morning before, and the same
blue I would see the morning after, and the next one, and the next. It
just went on and on, like the sky. The same blue sky.

It felt like a century until I finally had the strength to pull myself
out of bed. I sat up, still wobbly with sleepiness, and blinked. My
eyes felt swollen, as if I couldn't open them any wider than a tiny
slit. I came to my feet feebly, and stumbled toward the door. My room
was small, so it only took a few steps to make it there. My room was
the smallest in the house, and probably the smallest in the
neighborhood. It was packed with piles of junk. Trinckets sat in every
space available. Tiny boxes and music boxes, and glass figures. I tried
to decorate, even though I had absolutely not decorating ability. Maybe
that was why my room looked like it did. Its was a square, with a large
window taking up an entire wall, with piles of old papers and books and
folders that stood up to the bottom of the windowsill. Just beside it
was a desk that was squeezed into a corner, that was also piled head
high with ancient papers. My closet, though, lay open and vacant. A few
of my old dresses from when I was much younger hung on mismatched
hangers. They were all too small now, but I had never tried to dispose
of them. The entire closet floor was bare, except for a small pile of
old stuffed animals, some with ripped seams, others with pen marks,
that lay in the center. Most of my clothes were in my dresser, which
sat crammed in the corner next to my wicker bed. Some of the drawers
wouldn't even close because they were too stuffed with unworn clothes.
I sometimes wondered why I didn't try to put them in my closet, but
then I realized it was just because I was lazy. I came to terms with
that, and it hadn't crossed my mind since.

I turned and pulled my door open, and fumbled down the hall. The
entire hall wall was covered with family pictures. Most of them were of
me, even though I had five siblings. My parents had always been so
proud of me, and I wondered why. There wasn't much to be proud of. I
only made strait A's because I had nothing else to do. I had only a few
friends, and the ones I did have were barely friends anyway. They
always thought I was happy. They did, at least, until the beggining of
this year. I used to be part of all the school clubs and activities. I
did everything; chorus, track, even drama club. I had never enjoyed any
of them, but I did it anyway. I knew they thought I was going places.
They thought I had a future, but the only future I saw was a life
working at Burger King and asking 'would you like fries with that'?
Burger King had never appealed to me, but I couldn't imagine myself
doing anything else.

It wasn't until this year I had given up on impressing my parents. I
had dropped all of the clubs I had been in. I still made decent grades,
but that had always come easy to me. My parents tried to convince
themselves I was perfectly happy, even though they knew I wasn't. It
wasn't their fault; they gave me everything I needed. If I asked to do
anything, they would let me without question. It wasn't because of how
my life was going as much as it was that I was bored. I hadn't had a
crush, much less a boyfriend, all of ninth grade. And seeing as it was
only two weeks before the end of school, it didn't seem like that was
going to change. I didn't mind it much though. I never had much luck
with guys. They few boyfriends that I had hadn't lasted for more than a
month. They were the kind of boyfriends that you would give a hug when
you ran into them in the hall, pass them a note every once and a while,
but not much more than that.

Still, mom and dad kept those pictures up on the wall. The pictures of
the used-to-be-me. The Karol with the track uniform, the Karol in her
first play, the Karol with a future, the Karol with a life. Life wasn't
so much a life now, it was a routine. It happened like it did everyday.
I thrived on routine, I thrived on everyday, I thrived on blue. That
never ending blue.

Will be adding more. Keeping checkin'. Please read in order, and email
me your comments!