SHADOW

We all got nicknames around here, my real name is Maijiene but no
one can really pronounce it so everyone just calls me Fabiene. There's
this boy I like, Antonio. Everyone calls him Black, but he's just Tony
to me. What's so funny is he don't even know I like him, but it's cool
anyway I think I'de spaz if he ever knew. Tony understands me whatever
that means. I remember I'de get in trouble and he'd climb up my fire
escape and chill with me till the street lights came on or till mama
called me down for dinner or something. He's real cute like that,
always looking out for the kid. Then there's Izayah, he's 17, kinda
funny and cute but in a real doofey way. We call him Tiny because he's
got this real baby face that's way too tiny for his body. We use to
tease him and say that his daddy was that small headed dude from Beetle
Juice, but he would always start crying so we'd stop. Tiny had this
cousin named Indica that would come down during school break but she
moved down here about 2 years ago, we call her Chyna Red cause she's
got these real pretty chinky eyes but she's always high so they're red
most of the time. Javiere. He was the oldest out the clique, 18, but on
the flip side the dumbest. His first words were always "huh". We called
him doughboy, just cause we couldn't call him Captain Dumbass. He had
this dumbass crush on Chauncy, and Chuancy as you can see I
hated.

Last year when Tony went down to Georgia I was helping him pack his
shit right, so here I am working all hard and what not when I find this
letter, turns out it was written by Chauncy. I mean I know I didn't
tell anyone about him but still C'mon. Anyway I started to look around
for Tony but he went outside for something so I started to read.
I just wanted you to have something to remember me by,
I mean I know you're not staying down there or anything
but I wanted you to have something to look forward to
besides Fabien, not to say anything bad about her
I know that's your bestfriend and all but
some of us want to spend time with you to.
So when you get back on the block Holla at ya girl.
I'll be waiting
I couldn't believe that shit. She was so open Tony don't like that
kinda stuff. I failed to realize Tony was a dude and pussy sure nuff is
pussy. Tony ain't even touch ground two days before her dick riding ass
was at the crib. For the next week it was like Tony couldn't even bust
a nut without her mouth being all in the way to catch everydrop. To
think this nigga is suppose to be my second half. Tonight all of us are
going to hang out catch a movie or something, remanise about the good
old days. I get dressed in this black and white puma sweatsuit I copped
last week with my black shell tops, I know it's not that sexy but what
the fuck I wasn't tryin to impress nobody.

"What's poppin Fabiene? I see greybird did it again, that's my word yo
shortie aint gon last 3 months like that." Tiny kinda didn't like her
either. "Wasn't she all in Davids ass?" He asked me as if I had the
slightest idea about who this David was.
"Who the fuck is David?"
"David the nigga she was goin off at the mouth about a couple a weeks
ago."
"Oh, ok." I still aint know who he was talking about but I wanted to
get out a there. "Hurry up put your cloths on nigga we gon miss the
movie!"
"Yo Black aint gon be there, she don got him on smash already he called
me like twenty minutes ago, so what you want to do now?"
"Um, I'll swing past the spot and chill tonight then." I started to
hear him talking again but I was out that bitch before he even opened
the bathroom door. I headed down the stairs into SHY'S SPOT but I still
couldn't stop thinking about who this David person was, I figure I
might ask Esko maybe he knows.
"Hey sweetie, what's good?"
"What's really good?" I answered him like I knew him or somethin, but
that's just how folk get down around here. There was always someone
talking to you like you really knew them. Well anyway Esko seen me come
in from around the stairs and called me over. He kinda caught me off
guard by hugging me but it felt good so I aint say nothin.
"What was that for?"
"Nothing" he said "you just look real cute tonight so I had to touch
you"
"That's sweet but stop it, anyway she did it again Esko. He been back
for almost two weeks now and I still aint seen him yet, that fuckin
greybird got his nuts draggin so low he can't fuckin go no where"
"Now I know you don't really belive that shit, if Black wanted to see
you he would, stop sweatin it."
"How the fuck you gon tell me stop sweatin it. That shit is fucked up,
we go back deeper then some fuckin pussy"
"How bout this, fuck them and think about us, it's your night tonight
Maijiene. I'm gonna take your mind off of all this shit.'
"Don't you have to work? where you gon find the -
"Shut up." I couldn't believe this nigga told me to shut up, but he is
kinda big so fuck it, whatevers whatever tonight
Before I knew it, we were out the door and in his expo. I'm kinda
short so he had to help me in holding my waist up. I kinda wanted him
to cop a feel or somethin but I really couldn't take likeing anyone
else now. I sat back and listened to Tupacs me and my bitch, (oh, how
he romanced me so) I laughed at him cause he thought he could rap but I
had to let him know that singing along is not talent. We ended up at
the beach,
"It's a nice day and all but damn I'm not really prepared for no
latenight dip you know?" he laughed at me and told me to stay in the
car, by this time he pulled up right by the sand and got out, he opened
up the trunk but I thought it was for the music or something, like five
minutes later he opened my door. We got out the truck and walked over
to the sand he told me to take my shells off so I don't get the sand
all in them, my heart was beating so fuckin fast cause nobody ever did
this shit for me, we had to climb over some rocks but it was so worth
it, all it took was the blanket and my eyes were all watery, I looked
at the blanket which had a rock on each side, an oversized blanket in
the middle and a bottle of 99 Bananas.
"Do you come here often," I asked, "cause this is a nice little spot
you got here."
"No Maijiene I don't, it's just. . . I've been thinkin you know if that
nigga can't see that you are somethin special than fuck him! his loss
I'm hopin is my gain" my mouth dropped and I guess he thought it was an
invite cause his tounge was rammed in my mouth right then but I
couldn't stop it, I didn't want to really. The rest of the night was
just a drunken mess.
The next day Chyna came through perky and high as usual, but I just
couldn't take it.
"Go take a fuckin shower bitch, ya man outside and he's waiting for
you, so go do somethin with ya self. Hurry up." How did she know about
Esko already, nobody knows.
"What" I says, trying to act like I didn't know what she was talking
about.
"Black is outside waiting bitch hurry up." I was out the bed and in the
bathroom before she even finished her sentence.
"What's good shortie?" Damn, time did this nigga real good. Tony looked
even better than I remembered, I guess I was standing there for about
two or three minutes cause he came up to me and gave me a hug and kiss.
. . on my lips! EWWWWWWW At first I wasn't bothered by it but then it
kicked in Chauncy. I pulled back cause the image of his head buried in
between her legs early in this morning popped up.
"So where's wifey at?"
"You mean your bestfriend"
"I mean your cum sucker where she at, shocking to see you loose out
here without her, what happened she had to get her stomach pumped?"
Chyna could tell where my head was at so she pulled me away and played
it off like we had plans and shit. we ended up at Barcode where Chyna
bumped into this freak bitch trisha. Tony on the other hand was playing
me mad close like nothin even happened and shit, We ended up at the
spot I thought Esko would be mad but he just gave Tony a pound, said
what up to Chyna, kissed me and went back to work. This can work I
thought to myself, this can definatly work. Tony just looked at me and
said
"I see you missed me right?" I gave him the finger and Chyna started
laughin at him, this felt nice, but just as I was begining to enjoy it
Chauncy came in.
"Hey sweetie" hugging and kissing him like I was gone get mad or some
shit.
"It aint nothin bitch, she aint shit" Chyna said. It's like she was in
my head or something but I really didn't mind it. I went to the back to
find Esko and chill with him for a while but when I got there he was
changing, he just smiled at me and told me to come in and close the
door.
"Am I even suppose to be here, that sign reads employees only. I am no
employee"
"So this is the first time you've been back here?"
"No"
"Alright then, relax"
"There was no one getting naked the last time I was in here"
"So let's make it even, you show me yours and I'll show you mine"
Fuck it I said I'll show you some ankle. He smiled at me and walked
over I could fell his touch before he even touched me it was weird but
I wanted to feel a lot more than his hands over me today. After the
most intense makeout session I have ever been in we walked out the bad
room glowing.
"OH NO, David." Chauncy's eyes were all over Esko but I couldn't
understand why.
"Why is she calling you David?"
"Cause that's my name, What's good Chauncy." he was just so suave about
it. I had completly forgot about this David person Tiny was telling me
about. the look on Chauncy's face would have been enough but then Tony
got all red in the face and shit it was just too much, Chyna and her
bird for the night was just estatic in the corner trying their best not
to laugh.
"So are we going to the movies or not?" trying to break the akward
silence in the air.
At the movies I sat next to esko, chyna sat next to us and tony and
his bitch sat right behind us. I felt a tap on my shoulders and for
some reason I thought it was her so I didn't turn around. It kept
getting harder and harde so finally I turned around with the full
intentions of getting into this bitches ass when I realized it was tony
all along.
"What do you want tony?" I tried to keep my voice down but I was upset
that he even touched me, he asked me to step outside so we could talk
cause he felt the tension between us.
"What Tone, what the fuck do you want now?"
"What the fuck is that ya man and shit now? C'mon Maijiene you know he
aint no better than me." I just couldn't hold it in anymore, "Who the
fuck is you? Yes he is my man but that's not even the point ever since
you came in Chauncy had you on lock, it's been what a week and now is
when I see you, fuck you Tone how you think I feel, I can't belive you
followed up with that shit I can't believe you fuckin with that bitch
and you know she tired" I tried to walk away but he grabbed my
arm,
"What the fuck happened to you? you would never talk to me like that
before, cursing at me and shit what you bold now or something, you get
al ittle dick and you get hard?" I don't know what came over me but I
smacked him as hard as my little hands could
"Shit changes my man things aint like they use to be you made it like
that by showing me what your priorities were !" I just walked away from
him, leaving him there to think about the words he just uttered out his
mouth.
After the show we went our own seperate ways from everyone else. Chyna
knew what happened cause she was buying candy and her fuckin bionic
ears heard everything so she wasn't shocked. She just grabbed her slut
and was out, I admired her for what it was worth cause she doesn't care
about what everyone says. We parked up in front my building for a
minute cause I seen doughboy coming around the corner.
"Where you been nigga, I aint seen you in a while, what's good?"
"What's really good with that fuckin nigga Black yo, I aint feelin that
dude to strong you kow so I stay hidden cause I aint tryin to drop that
nigga you know. I'm out yo I got shit to do now catch you in the lite
shortie" Damn, he wasn't taking Tonys return to well. I decided to
invite esko in for some drinks, straight up the fire escape. ( I still
live with moms ya know)
We layed on my bed and watched American Psycho taking shots of 151
everytime someone died. His arms around my waist , reached for his hand
and kissed it, he let me kiss hand hand for a little while before he
put his finger in my mouth letting me taste him. He grabbed my chest
and started rubbing his grip was just strong and I was open, I felt
like I needed to go pee or someshit but I didn't want to move so I
stayed thinking I could hold it in. his hands moved down my my body to
my pussy. This was it. He slipped his hand in my pants and rubbed. I
really didn't know what he was doing but I figured that's how this is
done. He kept rubbing faster and faster and his grip on my chest got
tighter and tighter, oh god I felt something dripping out of my pussy,
I had to go check what it was, but he wouldn't let me go, his fingers
went from rubbing it to be inside it, he was inside me with his fingers
he started moaning about how tight I was and how wet I was and how much
he wanted to be inside me, I can't even lie I wanted him to so I
started moaning and I told him I wanted to feel him inside me. He
stopped and looked at me and asked if I was sure I was ready for it, I
told him yeah I mean we got this far so why not, he got real serious
and let me know we didn't really do anything yet, I told him I knew
that. You see I wasn't stupid just a virgin. We layed there for a
little while, then I got on topof him, he took my shirt off and started
to lick on my nipples. I felt it, it was like an iron shaft in between
my legs from the feel of it I couldn' see how that was gonna be inside
me, I took his shirt off licked his chest like how I seen this girl do
one day. We use to watch porn in doughboys basement so I wasn't that
clueless but then again there's nothing like hands on experience,
literally. He raised up llifting me in the process damn this nigga was
strong. He then layed me on my back and took off his pants. . .it was
then I knew I was in for it, it was big considering I never seen one
before, well I seen tinys but that was like 6 years ago and this is
real different. He layed on top of me with his pride in his hands
trying to enter. I couldn't help but gasp when he entered.
"Maijiene what happened?"
"Nothin ma, um, I bumped my toe on the bed is all,"
"Well turn on the lights then, ok." My heart froze but esko never
stopped he kept on thrusting, real slow though not like on the tape.
Once I caught the rythem of it it was a wrap.
"Go take a shower sweetie, I'll be in in a minute." I couldn't
understand why he said that until I turned on the lights and there it
was blood all over the sheets.

Later on that same day I seen doughboy again,
"You look diffrent shortie, you changed your hair or something?"
"Yeah I got a perm last night."
"That's a good look for you shortie" he said as he sat down and started
getting all comfy and shit
"You seen Chyna new girl" I asked making sure he wasn't all up and in
the house
"Yeah I saw her, you know what she needs don't you. . .some dick. My
dick." We both started laughing.
"So you're in love with a lesbian huh? that's some shit?' That's when
we heard Tiny yellin out the window. He wanted us to go to the beach
with him so we said aight it beats being bored around the crib. We
agreed on 1 hour at the spot. I got there a couple a minutes early to
get esko but I aint seen him I asked Larry for him but he said he aint
seen him. I felt bad and shit like I wasn't too sure about last night,
but then I said fuck it shit happens. Just then he came in shorts and
all, asking me where I went. I couldn't believe it he was mine. We went
outside cause we heard Chyna yelling,
"Get the fuck outta here bitch was it that serious, I think not, you
was just a fuck aint no feelings in this I told you I don't play them
games bitch." The block was at a stand still Chyna had a new fuck
partner and Trisha wasn't that happy about it, so I decided to return
the favor and I told her to roll with us to the beach.

"What the fuck is she looking at, I aint nothin fa her"
"Yeah well her freak ass I seen her at Che-Che's before" Chyna just
looked at her and gave her the finger, she answered back by doing this
thing with her tounge I guess it made the point cause Chyna went over
to her. I on the other hand decided to rinse this sand out my cunt.
"FUCK" the man was like 6 foot 2 230lb bitchin about how hot the sand
was. I finally got to the steps where I seen tony.
"Where you going?"
"To go rinse this shit off,where you going?"
"To get a soda, I'll see you in the water I guess." If it wasn't for
the crowd that started forming around me I wouldv'e stayed out there
the water felt so good on my skin. So now I'm in the bathroom changing
right and I hear the door crack a little bit so I move to the last sink
you know anything goes now a days and I aint with that you know.
"That's how you greet me now?" it was tony.
"Get the fuck outta here tony I'm changing."
"That never use to stop you before." I heard the door being locked so I
knew no good could come out of this.
"That's when I was younger tony I told you shit changed!"
'I see that crab ass nigga got anything to do with this change?" I just
put on my top and headed for the door, but he jumped in front of me
yelling
"This aint the movie theater you aint gon get away that easy, where the
fuck you going to go tell that nigga I'm scaring you-
"Please your bitch ass aint scarin no one tony, you want to talk fine
we can talk but do it like the adults we are now how you actin so
fuckin immature now?"
"Is that right immature you say, since when did you yell and curse at
me carrying on like I'm not tony,like we not gon be together, like
that's not my pussy.'
"Your pussy nigga please, how is this your pussy you left and came back
to your pussy what happened is Chauncys lips getting too wide to fit
around your dick now so you come to me?" I wouldv'e never expected that
to come out of me but he pissed me the fuck off so I had to say
it.
"Bad girl Maijiene, your being a very bad girl." I thought he was crazy
at this point until I felt the inside of his fist against my face, I
tried to lunge at him and punch him but he just grabbedmy hand and
threw me on the floor. I heard knocking at the door for a minute but
then it just stopped I wondered if they heard us talking if they could
tell the difference in making out and arguing.
"See," he said while tossing me around " you're making me do this the
wrong way, I wanted it to be special." He kept pulling me back towards
him ripping my panties off I tried to hit him but I just couldn't reach
him. I felt him, I felt all his anger and resentment growing, I felt
it. He pinned my arms on the ground and it went in, this time it wasn't
like esko or even the tapes it was ugly. I couldn't stop crying I tried
telling him to stop but he wouldn' t listen all I heard was
"This is how it's suppose to be, me and you, feel me inside you and say
it's not how it's suppose to be you know it is you know you love me,
say it, say it Maijiene say you love me." I uttered the words so loudly
and proud" FUCK YOU TONY!" that was it lights out.
I awoke to being by the side of the sink and he was wiping blood off
his thighs, I looked down to realize it was mine. I was lying there
naked with blood dripping on the cold dirty floor, I looked around and
threw up, He looked at me as if he was generally concerned and
said
"I know it wasn't that bad baby, I love you. I guess I bust your cherry
huh?" parts of me wanted to run behind him with the blood dripping onto
the sand leaving a trail wherever I went but I didn't I just rinsed off
and tried to balance myself again. I was swollen from the inside out it
seemed. I practiced my walking inside for a while and I went outside
again.
"Where you been baby you missed it, they got chauncy ass real good,
look you can see her over there still trying to get the sand out of her
hair ... blah, blah,blah,blah,blah,blah that's all I heard from that
point on. "Can you hear me? you act like somebody just died or
something."
"No I'm fine." if only he knew that someone had died, I died 15 minutes
ago in a bathroom I lost myself and I would never be the same
again.