The Snout

The Snout.

My Dad's paranoid.
He thinks people follow him when he's in the car.
They don't.

They've been (not) following him for 21 years ever since his prize
horse was stolen off land he owns in Hassall. He has 967 number-plates
marked down on numerous scraps of paper that he keeps in his glove-box
that pertain to the 967 people that have (not) followed him during this
time. He refers to these people who (don't) follow him as Snouts (as in
- they stick their noses into his business.)

He thinks the Snouts that follow him are most likely council folk
trying to get their hands on his land. It's an ongoing battle. Despite
being a mathematically competent man he does not consider that the cost
of employing 967 'spies' over a period of 21 years to follow him,
hugely outweighs the value of his land (currently ?72,000). So why
would they bother? Well, my sentiments exactly.

Anyway, yesterday all this that has been going on in his head, came to
a head, when a young woman named Leanne drove out of Hassall village
having visited her great aunt there, and happened, quite
coincidentally, to take the identical route into Kerwood as Dad (though
a few seconds after him). Consequently, Leanne drove homebound for 20
minutes or so at a safe distance behind his bumper (unaware that
there's no such thing as a safe distance behind my father's
bumper!)

Dad, quite obviously, was (not) being followed. He'd seen the car once
before (not) following him and therefore there was absolutely no doubt
in his mind that a woman from the council was tracking him. Dad had had
a harrowing day trying to get his '57 John Deere tractor to work and a
Snout following him now was the last straw. However, despite Dad's
fatigue, his irritation was so great that he felt compelled not to lie
down in the instance - so as he drove, hatched a plan that would let
the lady from the council know he was on to her [them].
...As soon as he got to the Lincoln Rd roundabout on the outskirts of
Kerwood he would dart full-circle round it in the inside lane. This
would throw the Snout from the council entirely, and he estimated, with
the time taken to execute the manoeuvre, see him perfectly behind her
car with the shoe proverbially on the other foot...

Leanne Strike (Defendant) - Case Number: DS64578: Official Statement -
13/4/2002/17.34.

"Coming up to the Lincoln Rd roundabout the Defendant noticed the
Vauxhall Cavalier in front suddenly accelerate - carelessly it darted
into the inside lane prompting a vehicle to beep it. Tyres screeched as
the vehicle executed the roundabout at high-speed, before 'burning off'
(seemingly in the opposite direction). Reasonably unperturbed, the
Defendant concentrated on the road ahead and maintained her designated
course round the roundabout and off at the second exit left. It was of
course to her dismay when a few seconds later the reckless driver of
the Cavalier (Accused) appeared in her rear-view mirror almost nudging
her rear-end..."

Over duration of roughly 30 minutes Dad persisted in his antics;
driving dangerously-close behind Leanne's Fiesta and grinning from ear
to ear as he derived great pleasure in letting her know he was on to
her [them].

During which Leanne quite calmly thought; 'I?m being followed'.

"...After several minutes fearing that she might indeed be being
followed by the Accused, the Defendant promptly called Kerwood
police-desk on her mobile. Road-police were immediately called upon to
ascertain whether or not the Defendant was indeed being followed - in
turn by following the Accused. Approximately 27 minutes into the
surveillance the Accused was arrested on the grounds of
harassment."

That's when my Dad's paranoia really started to get bad!