Soul Destroyer
By friendlyface
- 507 reads
I reach for my gun,snap off the safety and fire.The bullets pierced
the air,tormenting their target as they hurtled towards it.Two holes
appear on the cardboard cut-out of a man.The ability to use my gun
gives me safety,security,something I never had in my childhood.He
plagues my dreams and thoughts,day and night,hour by hour.His eyes
saturated with such pain and rage as he stikes me with the knife.These
are the thoughts I live with everyday of my pityful life.I let him
control me,grasping me by the throat he chokes me of a life,of
relationships,of success.He won't go away no matter how hard I try.He
has me,he holds me,overpowering my every thought and action yet he is
no where near me.
At night I lie in my bed my head resting on my tear stained
pillow.Always contemplating to change my life,to turn it in the other
direction.So many times do I get my spirit high on thoughts of
happiness,of fun,of a life.Each time I do that he appears to me,blade
raised in the air,he stikes down,he bursts my thoughts,my hope.
Lying down in my bed listening to the crash of rain against the glass
window,looking out I see a city of dreams while I am trapped in a
bubble of no belief,no expectation,no faith.I lie dying inside,the pain
consuming me from the inside out.
A knock at the door,I reach for my gun,the hard,cold metal fills my
hand.As I unbar the door,my finger reaches for the trigger.My heart
beats,pumping thoughts of fear,adrenalin.My eyes venture round the door
to see an empty corridor.No-one there.My finger relaxes off the trigger
and I shut the door,closing the barrier between me and the rest of
humanity.
The morning comes,I wish it wouldn't.I pray every night that I will
die,that I will finally leave this life controlled by him.Once I die he
will have no control over me I will be free.I look at the sunrise as if
it is my last,I have my life in my hands as I place my finger on the
trigger and place the metal barrel in my mouth.The quick answer to my
problems,but I can't do it,I can never do it,I try every morning but he
stops me.The longer that creature keeps me alive the longer he can
torture me,slowly he devours my soul.
I walk,everyday I walk.I never know where but I just go,I take myself
away from him to the world outside.The world that comforts me,it may
seem screwed up to everyone else on this planet but to me it is
home.The place where I feel safest.He comes.The wind,his breath on my
neck,the rain,my tears of pain.He has come and invaded my place of
peace.
Now everyday he comes,in different forms,one day a man another a
woman,the next he impregnates an infant.I take my gun and kill them
all.Each one is my enemy,each one is him.As I pull the trigger the pain
eases away.So I pull the trigger again,again.Again another image of him
fades.I feel no guilt.
Euphoria fills me each time I kill someone.Their blood,the red of my
anger.Their faces of despair as I torture their body with
bullets,releases my despair,my fear,my suffering.Their death is my
victory.
He had now advanced into my body and was controlling my every thought
and action,this must be stopped.I left,I fled,I was going to stop
this.This was the first independent thought I had from his grasp.It
felt good,but the guilt settled in.I had murdered I had killed,I was
him,he was me.
There is only way to end this,at sunrise.I step out onto the balcony,I
raise the gun almost matching the movement of the sunrise.I aim the gun
at him,my tormentor and pull the trigger.
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