The Statistician

I am a statistician and I play the numbers game,
I'm like a mathematician - but the rules are not the same.
My graphs are just for laughs
And I'm always cooking pies
Where eighty looks like ninety, if you draw them the same size.

I'm into probability, which is probably because
My Daddy was a gambler who broke one or two laws.
He was weighing up his chances, like other optomistic sods
He put all his cash on evens, when the bastard came up odds.

You see, though many condoms are ninety nine percent reliable
When my old man put one on - he should have checked the date was
viable
He should have seen me coming and dealt with the logistics.
You see, "There are lies, Damned Lies, and then Statistics!