Too Much Sleep Spoils the Broth

Havanah Clue - Too Much Sleep Spoils the Broth

I don't really know why we sleep, to be honest. Seems like a waste of
time to me. And then we spend so much time feeling tired as well, all
because we have to sleep. But then my Mamma always said to me that
pasta would give me energy, although I think she doesn't know quite
what she is talking about there. I mean, just the other week, there was
this film on TV one night, and I wanted to stay up and watch it.

I had felt a bit tired all day and I knew I was gonna have to sleep
quite soon. Mamma had already gone to sleep, but I wanted to watch me
film. So I nipped across the road to the local corner shop, and bought
meself the biggest bag of pasta they had, so as I could get meself some
energy, like. Well, I had 30 minutes before the film started, and I was
now feeling really tired. Me eyes were beginning to go a little blurry.
So I looked on the back of the packet for the cooking instructions. We
have a Cannon cooker; mamma bought it brand new from a car boot sale
the other week, and it even came free with a box of matches and some
mouldy egg stains on the hob. Anyhow, it didn't have our cooker listed,
it only had the Oven Cook listed - must be one of these new fangled
American cookers. I didn't wanna take the chance on this one, though,
as I already had a bit of a shaky past with following cooking
instructions. Like, I wasn't to know that salad came pre-cooked - seems
silly if you ask me. And then there was the time Mumma had to call out
the fire brigade after me pop tarts melted through the toaster and set
fire to the brand new lino on the kitchen floor. What a sticky mess
that was.

So anyway, I went to the kitchen drawer, and pulled out some scissors.
Me toe nails were looking a bit chunky, so after I had trimmed them off
a bit, I cut the bag of pasta open slightly, and laid it and its
contents in the Microwave Oven, which was listed on the back of the
bag. I felt a bit silly at this point coz I had cut through the cooking
instructions and couldn't remember how long it needed cooking for. So I
set it to 'High' and turned the knob to '20 mins' so it would be ready
just before the film. Mamma always told me that timing is important. So
then I had 20 minutes to kill.

I made meself a drink of water - drinks I have no problem with making -
and I went upstairs to me bedroom. Mamma had picked me up a computer
from her work, they was throwing them out, so me Mumma got one for half
price. I think I know why it was so cheap, though. It only had half a
keyboard. Yeah, I know... disgusting isn't it. OK, so maybe I'm
exaggerating. But basically, it's not finished. Like, all the letters
are in the wrong order and there are 13 'F' keys. Mamma always told me
that 'F' words were rude and so I daren't even turn the computer on - I
don't know what it might say to me. But I am curious.

Well, by that time, I was feeling very tired and I knew sleep was going
to happen soon - like, I'm not stupid. So to try and stop meself from
feeling tired, I laid down on me bed - thought it might help me avoid
sleep.

The next thing I knew I was rudely awoken by me Mamma who was losing
her cloth over summat downstairs. I couldn't believe it, I didn't feel
tired any more, but I had wasted so much time and missed me film.
Bother. Well, I felt a bit annoyed, and hungry too. So I went down
stairs for some breakfast. Mamma was still flying off the stick. I
tried to calm her down but she was hystorical. She was flapping her
arms around like a headless monkey while pointing and screaming at the
microwave. I calmed her down and prized the door open on the microwave.
I couldn't believe my eyes. And then it struck me... it was my pasta!
Mamma looked real upset and after I calmed her down, she managed to
tell me that I had ruined it, and that I was in a lot of trouble. Even
after explaining everything to her she looked a little blank - she was
never all that bright, and I guess she didn't understand me. It's not
her fault.

So anyway, I was never really allowed pasta again, and I guess that
those are the end of my cooking days, at least until I can move out of
this place. I reckon Mamma was worried that I would find her out. I
reckon that pasta doesn't cure sleeping at all, but I won't tell her I
have figured that one out. It'd make her feel unwanted, or summat like
that.

? Copyright - Ian Bunyan 2000