Virtues

Not a word I write rings true, nor words I say.
I could sit and tell you a thousand ways in which I have begun to hate
myself for the things I have no control over, but I could also tell you
a thousand motives to live.
It's a unique balance and one that's not easily found.
I never mean to lie to any of you, therefore I worry myself when I talk
this self-proclaimist anti-humanitarianist protest.
I am not lying.
A part of me wants things to end like an easy way out - which as a
certain man proved just cuts you off from reality.
I am not following in his footsteps, I merely stumbled across them as I
was making my own a year ago or so.
A culmination of things has led to this state of mind - personal loss
and grief and simply a weak mind.
For those of you, almost all I would unhappily state - personal grief
is no great sentence.
But I am of a weak mentality.
I am aggressive, yet not even enough to follow it through and give
myself a release.
I have things in my head that compel me to act in ways that disgust
when morally sobre.
I took time recently to reflect upon my situation and reached the
conclusion that I want, more sorely what anything, to live.
A few cracks won't be enough to stop me, because I love too many and
truly despise too few.
It would be deceitful to say I don't have a problem - I know people
that would have this as my obituary - and to those again I am
sorry.
I will overcome my plague of regret, because the big picture
obliterates everything.
I love my family too much and my friends are the world outside to
me.
For this and much this reason alone, I feel I owe you this, because I
do care.
I need someone and something, but that will all come in time.
Meanwhile I shall wait out my life as happy as I know I can be with
you.
Thankyou.
Remember that in the darkest light the palest shining is easier to
find.