Where are the cocaine plantations&;#063;

Arose early so as to benefit the daylight hours on a motorbike we
were hiring from Mowgli. Being equatorial, days start @ 5 am &; end
@ 6 pm. Therefore an early start is a must. We collected the bike &;
found out 5 minutes later that we could have got one for about $5 less.
We now realise that Mowgli is nothing but a dirty skanker. Rode 20km
out of Leticia for our final joint &; a hunt for some Indians that
are allowed to grow upto 50 coca plants each for personal use. First
geezer we see, Keels shouts out in perfect Spanish:

'Oih mate, do you know where the chocolate plantations are?'

'Que?'

'Errr -err sorry. Do you know where the cocaine plantations are?'

'Mmmmm, I don't think you'll find any plantations around here.'

'How about the odd plant?'

'No.'

As if a local would just tell two stinking gringoids where the bro'
is.

Funny road system here, it seems villages aren't necessarily
signposted, but are known by how many km from Leticia they are. The
road is a bloody rough, rutted, mud path. The 11 km mark was
great.

We sat outside a school in a tiny hut &; consumed three beers, four
cakes &; three bags of crisps each. The proprietor of the joint
chased after, then beat some local desperado around the head a few
times for imbibing a beer &; leaving without paying.

I spotted that one of our fellow drinkers was infact a sniffing Indian
looking descendant. I told Keels that he must be a bro' fiend. The poor
chap had a pretty scummed up eye, so out popped my red eye reduction
agent, that I use to misguide my work colleagues of my 'other' life.
Keels promptly applied &; we've got a friend. Next thing you know,
he produces a bag of green powder, which is basically the coca plant.
Pop back to his pad of wife &; twelve kids &; see one of his
children has the same eye problem. We offered to ride back to Leticia
&; buy a cure for the poor little Blighter. On accepting this offer,
our new pal decided to push his luck &; asked for a football for his
other kids as well. We obviously couldn't refuse, as he said he'll
prepare us some coca of our very own.

On returning, we sorted out his youngster &; threw the ball to the
hoards. He then showed us his garden of delights. He applied the leaves
of some antiseptic plants to our arms. It stung terribly &; made
your skin bubble for about five minutes, then reduced Mozzy bites to
nothing. I advise you strongly to apply the leaf sparingly. A plant,
that when the bark is mixed with water &; drunk, allows you to see
into the future &; the O.G. coca plants.

It was a very interesting afternoon. Shown how it was done. The leaves
were picked, heated in a big silver pan, until it became hard &;
crumbled. Mortar &; pestle it up with dub, set another load of
leaves on fire, (look like very large sycamore tree leaves), mix the
ashes with the powdered coca leaves, filter through a sock, spoon it up
to mouth, leave until liquefied &; swallow. Numb mouth yes, but I
must admit, the petrol &; other shite those libertine drug barons do
whilst refining it, make a far harsher &; effective drug. After
amusing the mass of children with the thumbs up &; cheezer, we
exchanged addresses &; bade them all farewell. Keels charmed his 18
year old daughter &; we left to a barrage of thumbs up &;
cheezers from the chasing younger contingent.

We rode over the border to Tabatinga &; back, thus making us narco
traffickers with the camera film holder worth of gear we had on us. We
didn't get there, but ended up riding off into the Brazilian jungle.
Time to head back to the hotel I think. Once we arrived, Keels
recognised one of his students from Bogota in the bar opposite our
hotel. After pleasantries, I went back to the hotel room to pack for
our flight tomorrow. Shower up &; downed the organic bro'. When I
returned to the bar, Raymond was there. After much gibber &; drinks,
we had arranged to come back in a wetter season, go on a week long tour
with him (sharing costs) &; maybe set up a tour company that will
mutually benefit gringo, tour guide &; Indians, as we could undercut
all the money hungry companies by shit loads. This could be the
vocation in life I want.. Raymond also confirmed that there is a plant
that makes you see in the future, but you need a good week to take out,
as you sleep for a while. He also agreed that Mowgli is infact a
twat.

After Raymonds departure, we strolled the length of the street with
fatboys student, fella &; cold sore afflicted sister to find a
massive stage with bands latinoing it up with dub big time &;
dancers with big, bright, feathered head thangs on. A pissed bloke
stumbled on stage &; was hastily grabbed off by a load of pigs, he
then proceeded to sit next to me &; gibber. I danced until my dodgy
ankle hurt too much, which was no mean feat, as we seemed to be the
only twats dancing. Keels was fluttering his eyelids at cold sore
queen, so I thought I should leave them to it rather than gooseberry it
up in Taba. He guaranteed me that he won't dink her, but if I find any
hideous growths on his head over the next couple of days, we will know
why.