Z - the title's too bloomin long!!

The story of the mother who would not let her children chew chewing
gum (and died as a consequence).

There was a tall skinny house on a road called Middle Street in the
city of Norwich. The three people that lived in this house were called
James, Gemma, and Mrs Snape. Mrs Snape was the mother of James and
Gemma. Mrs Snape was a very interesting mother because she only ever
had one, very strict, very important, unbreakable rule. James Snape
could jump on the settee continuously for four whole hours while
singing the Teletubbies theme tune (changing the words to
smelly-tubbies), and Mrs Snape would not say a single word, not even
look away from her telly. Gemma Snape could eat all the chocolate out
of the chocolate tin and get brown mucky stains all round her mouth
that took ages to scrub off, and Mrs Snape would hum as she scrubbed,
making mental shopping lists.

BUT, Mrs Snape had vowed at the birth of each of her children, with
her then-living husband John there as a witness, that no child of hers
would ever do that one horrible, disgusting, terrible thing, and that
was chew chewing gum. Mrs Snape was of the opinion that chewing chewing
gum was very rude, and made you look like an ignorant monkey. This was
as a result of her upbringing. Mrs Snape's mother had, unlike her, had
many rules for her children to live by, but Mrs Snape had forgotten all
of them. She had, however, never forgotten her mother's words to her
when she came home from school with three Hubba-Bubba crammed into her
saliva-filled mouth: "That's dirty, Petunia! Take that disgusting
substance out of your mouth at once, you look like an ignorant monkey
girl! Well, really!"

James and Gemma were naughty children by nature. They fought and
scratched and tore things up and got far too dirty and fell out of
trees and broke china ornaments and tore the end pages out of books.
And so, I'm sure you will not find it surprising at all that James and
Gemma often broke their mother's only rule, the chewing gum rule. On
the way to school, they bought Wrigley's, or chewing gum disguised as
gobstoppers (the gum was inside, after they got soft from sucking).
BUT, as they were a little afraid of their mother and, having never
been punished before, they weren't quite sure what she would do, they
never ever bought chewing gum home. Until one day.

One day, Mrs Snape shouted at her children for the first time ever.
She'd been in the middle of a crossword, lost in the maze of blocks and
letters and what five-down was. James and Gemma were bored, and as
they'd just thrown their frisbee at the dog over next door's fence,
they decided to use their mother's records instead.
"She never USES them", Gemma said scornfully. "It's STUPID."
They broke a record on a wall. To be more precise, on a mirror on a
wall. The mirror also broke. Mrs Snape was still paying off fourteen
years bad luck from when she was young, so she got angry very quickly
at the prospect of seven years more, and even angrier when she realised
that the record her children had broken was her favourite Beatles
record, which was very rare and precious to her. She shouted:
"You silly horrible children! You contemptible-" (that had been five
down in the crossword!) "-beings of youngness! Look what you've done
here! More bad luck for this household, and my record, broken! The
Beatles, no less! Get out of my sight, you disgusting little
rats!"

James and Gemma ran upstairs and sat in the bottom bunk of Gemma's bed
(the top bunk was full of toys. Sometimes she slept on the floor
because of this problem). Under the duvet they cried hot, angry tears
together, hugging each other, and gradually their tears turned to tears
of rebellion, and naughtiness.
"Let's pee in the milk" Gemma suggested. "She won't notice, only we'll
know."
"No, let's bake her nightie into a mud pie cake in the oven" said
James. "That'll be good, that'll get her back for shouting at us and
saying we were rats!"
Gemma shook her head. "No, that's rubbish. We could-" she stopped,
sagging her shoulders. "No, that's pants too. I dunno."
Suddenly James was on his knees, bouncing up and down (until he bounced
too hard and hit his head on the upper bunk).
"Ow! I know Gem, I've got it! She hates chewing gum, right? So - we
make her chew some!"
Gemma looked at her brother, scowling.
"That's sooo dumb, pratto. How do you do that? She wouldn't!"
James shook his head, grinning widely.
"We do it when she's asleep!"
Gemma smiled nastily, and nodded to her brother, silently.

That night, after they had gone to bed early, because they were 'sorry
and tired, Mum', James and Gemma closed the bedroom door and began to
plan. They planned slowly, because they knew how hard it was to stay up
and not fall asleep. James had bought some chewing gum on the way home
from school - blueberry flavour. It sat on the floor next to his
crossed legs, ready and waiting.

They waited for Mrs Snape's slow footsteps to climb the stairs. When
they finally heard her coming up to bed they were almost beside
themselves with excitement, and hugged each other, thinking of the look
on their mother's face when she woke up and realised she herself had
been chewing chewing gum! It was too, too good.

When they heard her shut her bedroom door, they put the plan into
action. They sat very, very still, so their mother wouldn't hear them
moving around and know that they were still awake. After half an hour
had passed (Gemma had kept a careful track of the time on her Barbie
watch), James picked up the chewing gum and crept towards the bedroom
door, beckoning with one finger for Gemma to follow him.

It was very dark as they tiptoed into their mother's room. They had to
take small steps very slowly, so they didn't knock into anything and
make a big noise that would wake her up before they had the chance to
do the plan. They stopped by the side of her bed, standing over her as
she snored, and looked at each other. Gemma tilted her head towards the
sleeping woman, and James gently and slowly began to unwrap the sticks
of chewing gum. They'd decided earlier on three.

After he'd taken off the silver foil from all three pieces, James
handed them to Gemma. She folded each one into a neat square, so they
could be popped into the mouth easily. She handed two to James, and
kept one herself. At last, their plan was ready to begin!

Gemma held her breath as James carefully slid the chewing gum into the
gaping black hole between their mother's teeth. He waited ten seconds,
carefully counting inside his head - 'one-mississippi, two-mississippi'
- and then put the second bundle of chewing gum in. Gemma counted her
ten seconds, then copied James' stealthy movements.

Mrs Snape's mouth froze. So did Gemma and James, both desperately
wanting to run to the door, but both also wanting to see their great
plan to its end. The mouth quivered. Gemma and James stared. Then,
gradually and slowly, Mrs Snape settled into a comfortable chewing
rhythm as she slept. James and Gemma relaxed instantly, and then
scampered for the door, holding in giggles until they got to their
separate rooms and punched the air.

In her room and still sleeping, Mrs Snape felt funny in her dreams.
Something wasn't right? The blueberry chewing gum slid down her tongue
to the back of her throat, where it lodged and stuck, and stopped any
air from getting in or out of Mrs Snape. Neither Gemma, nor James,
heard their mother choking to death and they slept on, soundly.