Dust Bag Churton

There used to be a bloke lived round our way
who everybody knew as "Dust Bag Churton"
coz he was into cleaning hoovers. Say
you'd just been vacuuming behind the curtain

and somehow got a piece of wool or string
completely stuck like, sort of wound around
the roller, all you had to do was ring
this bloke, and in a jiffy he'd be round

to fix it for you. Yeah, all right, I know
untangling string is hardly what most folk
would call a highly skilled job... even so,
once word had got around about this bloke

and how he really seemed to get a thrill
from turning vacuum cleaners upside down,
and how he had a special kind of skill
with dust bags, everybody in the town

would phone him: "Hi, excuse me, Mr Churton?
I wondered if you might be free right now...
You see, my hoover's just gone for a burton,
I s'pose it's bunged up, but I don't know how

to fix it". Well, old "Dust Bag" would be there
in next to no time, telling you his tales
about how he had once met Tony Blair
and fixed his hoover, which was full of snails.