Smooth Operator

You can never trust a woman. That is a lesson all males should be
taught
at birth, though I don't suppose it would make any difference.

We were OK,
Adam and me. The sun shone everyday, we had plenty to eat and we
could
do anything we wanted. In the daytime we would lie around getting a
tan,
then a quick bite to eat and down to the watering hole to make a night
of it
with the others. And what a night it usually was.

I don't know where the
monkeys got all of their jokes from, but they certainly knew how to
tell
them, the crack was fierce. Mind you, I was a bit of a
smooth-tongued
fellow myself back then.

I had legs at that time too, quite the snake about
town I was. Mostly we would be getting back just as the sun came up.
Yes
those were the days, or nights, whichever way you want to look at
it.

We never saw much of the Gaffer. He hardly ever came round
anymore.
Not like in the early days, then we couldn't get rid of him. Running
around
like a madman, creating things all over the place.

" Look I've come up with this. I think I will call it a tree,
put lots of
them everywhere. That space over there needs filling up, I'll have to
go and
create something".

From dawn to dusk, it made you tired just to watch him.
Anyway he must have got bored eventually, because he hardly ever
appeared now. Not that we were bothered, we were to busy living it
up.

When he turned up that day, we hadn't seen him for months.
There was
this big grin on his face, all excited like. He had this creature with
him and
everyone was gawking at it.

"Adam," he said" This is Eve. She is a woman and I created
her for
you." I looked around at Adam. His mouth was open and he had this
strange
glassy look in his eyes. I thought,' oh-oh trouble' and I wasn't wrong
either.

At first she came on all sweetness and light, but she soon
had the
measure of the place. In no time at all she had Adam wrapped around
her
finger. Adam do this, Adam do that and him running after her with
that
puppy-dog look on his face. She put a stop to the watering hole as
well.

" I hope you don't think that you are hanging around that
place every
night?" she said. And that was the end of that. It wasn't the same
without
Adam and soon no one bothered to go at all.

We were always polite to one another, her and me, but there
was a sort
of mutual distrust, if you know what I mean. It really niggled me how
she
had spoilt everything. But to be honest I never sat down and planned
it. It
wasn't premeditated at all, it just happened.

She was talking to me one day[most probably had no one else
to talk to
and it was any port in a storm sort of thing] anyway, she was going on
about
how hard it was to stick to a diet. How she was sick to the teeth of
lettuce
and that sort of thing and the idea just popped into my head.

."You should try some of the stuff from the forbidden tree."
I said.
"Absolutely delicious and it doesn't contain one calorie."

I pretended not to
notice the shocked look on her face and plunged on regardless.

"Yes we are
all agreed, once you have tasted that you never long for chocolate
again."

" Do you mean that all of you have---?" There was a look of
fascinated
terror in her eyes. "B-but, we're not supposed to. I-it's
forbidden."

"Oh come on." I said convincingly. "How often is he around?
And what
he doesn't know can't upset him." I tipped her a wink with the last
bit and
she stared at me wide eyed.

"Oh I couldn't," she said, but I could see she was thinking
about it.

A few days later she sent Adam off to collect some bananas,
then sidled
over to me.

"What does it taste like?" she said

"What?" I asked as if I didn't know.

"The forbidden stuff." I could see she was hooked.

"Let's put it this way sweetheart, you have never tasted
anything like it
before." Which was the truth really, none of us had.

I kept a close eye on her after that and to give her credit,
she held out
longer than I thought she would. It was two days before I saw her pull
an
apple from the tree and bite into it. I scuttled off rubbing my hands.
A quick
word to the monkeys and it would be all over the garden in no time
flat. The
boss was bound to hear about it, and then she would be history. Lo
and
behold, not two hours later, his Nibs comes storming through the
garden
calling for her.

"Have you eaten from the forbidden tree?" he bellowed at her.
There
was no need for a reply, guilt was written all over her face. Behind
her I
could see Adam, he was looking scared and holding his hands behind
his
back.

"Show me what you have in your hand!" the governor ordered
him. For
a minute I thought Adam was going to burst into tears, then he slowly
held
out his hand and it was my turn to be shocked. She had only gone and
talked
him into it as well, the devious---.

"Out!" screamed God. "You are banished, both of you" Eve got
a bit
hysterical then and swung round, pointing at me.

"It was him," she wailed. "He did it, it's his fault." I put
on my 'would
I?' expression and started to sidle away.

"Wait one minute," ordered the Boss. "I wouldn't be surprised
if you
did have something to do with this. I have had my doubts about you
from the
start. Time for a spot of recreating I think."

Well that is about it really. They got chucked out and I got
recreated. I'm
not the smooth-tongued snake I used to be. It's got a fork in it now
and the
legs went too, so I have to crawl around on my belly all day, making
this
lousy hissing noise. I was a bit down about it for a while, but life
goes on as
they say, you have to make the most of it. Oh and we had a visit from
the
Almighty yesterday. Seems he has created a lady snake and wants me
to
look her over, so that is where I'm off to now. Sounds like it might
be fun.
Sssseee ya.