My Dinosaur Era Chapter 10 *Rewrite*

 

the door to the pub is closed

it’s already midday

I keep walking

never breaking stride

once more around the block

pretend to the world that I’m just out for a stroll

not waiting for a bar to open

 

round and round we go

checking my phone

screen blank

no one is trying to get hold of me today

I am untouched by the ether

usually such a blessing

this isolation 

today though

my fingers fidget with the handset

clutching at it

longing to feel the vibration

 

around the block I go

I deviate down the front

the sea is frothy and giant today

the old pier

refusing to let go of the sea bed

appearing so fragile

yet so strong under the waves

victorian engineering still hanging on

by its big metal fingertips 

 

it’s three past midday

I start to walk up the hill again

the convenience shop feels convenient

I drop in and grab a can of something awful

drink in one down an alley

relief and shame bubble together

 

back around by the pub door

now settled as ajar

inside, empty seats, clean toilets scent hits me

beer mats arranged sequentially on tables

waiting to be rearranged

by glass bottoms, urgent hands

alan behind the bar

baseball cap high on his head

sleeves rolled up like he means business today

he looks over at me as I approach the bar

 

alright mate

 

he smiles

I feel loved for the first time today

 

hello mate

 

I feel exhausted

sit on a stool at the bar

alan taps a beer pump

 

one of these I reckon

 

he knows me too well, pulls a pint

its head bubbles like the sea down the slope

he passes the glass over

 

you’re in early

 

I drink a quarter of the beer in one gulp

 

yeah, I got canned by work this morning, so I thought, why not?

 

oh shit man, that sucks

 

yeah, I mean, I did hate it but still, a job’s a job

 

fair, yeah, any idea what you’re gonna do now?

 

have a few beers and think about it another day I reckon

 

sounds like a decent plan to me

 

the taste of the beer in my mouth

mingling with the rancid shadow of the shop bought pop

I shudder, take another big gulp,

alan, gets back on his laptop

the stillness of the pub entrances me

 

last time I was here I winced

crowds pushed me to the edges of the bar

stood cramped in a corner with petula

having to hold drinks tight to our chests

seated heads bobbing below us

channels of chatter

a screeching laugh that cut through me

a small dog stared at me

give me some peace

we said to each other

 

al, wanna do a shot?

 

fucking hell mate, it’s quarter past twelve

 

yeah, fair enough

 

I didn’t say no

 

he picks up the sambuca bottle

places glasses in front of me

we drink together, deep breaths

head warm with the juice

I look deep into my phone on the bar

like it’s going to give me answers

it rings, petula’s name shining up at me

fumbling, I grab it, drop it on the bar, pick it up again

answer

 

hey

 

hey, sorry I missed your call earlier, I was at yoga and then I had a work meeting

 

her voice seems so close again, is she behind me

 

that’s ok

 

are you ok?

 

I want to tell her about losing my job

like its a badge of honour

then I realise that it is not

 

yeah, I was just calling to see if you wanted to do something today

 

hmm, maybe later? I’m having a filling later, so might not be up to much if I feel rubbish after

 

ah, ok

 

where are you now?

 

I’m in the hole, it’s a bit early, I know

 

no judgement here, I’m jealous

 

there’s a gap, I feel like I am going to fall into it

she speaks

 

look, shall we do something tomorrow instead? I’m free all day

 

sure, that would be nice

 

great, she says, call me tomorrow and we can work it out

 

we say our goodbyes

I finish my pint

alan slides over, another, yes please

 

so are you planning on getting on the beer all day?

 

well, that was the plan but everyone’s busy

 

who’s everyone?

 

ginny’s working and the other person I spoke to is um, busy

 

the other person, do they have a name or are you a fucking secret agent now?

 

petula, her name’s petula

 

fuck off, no one’s called petula

 

that’s what I said

 

is she the woman you were with the other night?

 

yeah

 

wow, she was gorgeous, where the fuck did you find her?

 

she’s a friend of ginny’s

 

oh, so is she mental too then?

 

too early to say

 

cool, cool, try not to fuck it up

 

yeah, I’ll try

 

I tail off, pick up my fresh pint

alan slides away once more

the door opens behind me

our stillness is gone

people cut through it