My Dinosaur Era Chapter 26

 

has there not been anyone since jane, says ginny

 

no, no one, I say

 

because you still feel in love with her

 

        I’ll always love her, yes, but it’s not that

 

what is it then

 

        it’s hard to explain

 

you can try with me, timmy, if anyone can get it, it’ll be me, right

 

        I guess

 

you don’t have to try if you don’t want to

 

        I do, it’s just that I’m drunk and my words are all muddled

 

I’m drunk too, I will make sense of it somehow

 

    it’s like we were doing something different

 

you and jane

 

        yeah, we were never meant to be together, not really

 

well, how do we know who’s meant to be where, timmy

 

        see, I’m getting confused already

 

it’s ok, keep going 

 

        well, it’s like we invented something new, sounds trite, I know

 

it doesn’t

 

        we didn't go on dates, we didn’t ask each other lots of questions

there was none of that nonsense, trying to get to know each other, all that stuff I hate

 

I don’t think anyone likes that bit

 

she made me some tea, offered me a biscuit and then everything felt ok, there was no anxiety of attachment, no wondering about intangibles, we just became, became whatever we ended up being

 

in love

 

I think that’s what people would call it, yes, we only even said that we loved each other one time, after you had told me that we had to get married

 

you never said it again

 

no, never, it would have seemed daft, like saying, hey, did you know that I am breathing today

 

a redundant platitude

 

        yeah

 

so you think you’ll never have that again

 

it took me that long to find jane, everyone I have met since wants to do it the hard way

 

the traditional way, the normy way

 

I suppose, I sound kinda elitist now, like my expectation of love is so much better than everyone else's

 

at least you know what you want, you have a template, something special and real

 

        and dead, she died, just like that

 

I know, babe

 

        I thought I had it with petula, you know

 

and then she kinda died

 

        she may as well have

 

have you not even had sex with anyone since then, sorry, I am being too personal 

 

        no one

 

don’t you miss that

 

I never had sex with jane, we only kissed during the final few weeks

 

never had sex, like not at all

 

        it never seemed important, we had everything we needed

 

I never would have guessed that, you always seemed so close

 

that’s it though, we were so close, we didn’t need sex to stick us together

 

stick you together, like fucking glue, jesus, is that how you see it

 

        as an evolutionary term it’s kinda accurate

 

yeah, sounds kinda brutal when you say it like that though

 

we never spoke about it, we were happy being naked with each other, touching, feeling each other

 

don’t you miss fucking though, like from before, I seem to recall you did a lot of that then

 

I did, I guess, it all seems like a dream, those times, it was just what was expected, you can’t just not have sex, can you, people think you’re weird, like there’s something wrong with you

 

so you never even really wanted to have sex at all

 

        no, I did, I enjoyed it, it’s a fun thing to do

 

right, so you do have sex drive, sexual urges

 

        sure, yeah

 

but you have no desire to actually have sex with someone

 

        no

 

so the stunning petula, you just wanted to hold hands with her and hang out

 

no, in time we would have been sensual, like I was with jane, being naked together, that sort of closeness

 

how do you know that she didn’t want to have sex with you

 

I don’t know that, we never spoke of it, but there was that same feeling that it didn’t feel important

 

what if she had wanted to fuck and she told you that straight

 

        I don’t know what would have happened

 

so, tell me this, you know I joke with you about you looking at my arse sometimes

 

        yeah, I do that

 

so isn’t that sexual

 

        it’s more like your arse is art, the curve thrills me

 

ok, well, thanks, I guess

 

        you’re welcome

 

but you definitely did want to fuck me once, didn’t you

 

        yes, the first couple of years I knew you I suppose

 

so, what changed

 

        we became friends instead

 

I’m confused

 

        so am I most of the time

 

I think we should keep drinking until something makes sense

    

        what if if nothing ever does

 

then we won’t remember