My Dinosaur Era Chapter 26
By beanzie
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has there not been anyone since jane, says ginny
no, no one, I say
because you still feel in love with her
I’ll always love her, yes, but it’s not that
what is it then
it’s hard to explain
you can try with me, timmy, if anyone can get it, it’ll be me, right
I guess
you don’t have to try if you don’t want to
I do, it’s just that I’m drunk and my words are all muddled
I’m drunk too, I will make sense of it somehow
it’s like we were doing something different
you and jane
yeah, we were never meant to be together, not really
well, how do we know who’s meant to be where, timmy
see, I’m getting confused already
it’s ok, keep going
well, it’s like we invented something new, sounds trite, I know
it doesn’t
we didn't go on dates, we didn’t ask each other lots of questions
there was none of that nonsense, trying to get to know each other, all that stuff I hate
I don’t think anyone likes that bit
she made me some tea, offered me a biscuit and then everything felt ok, there was no anxiety of attachment, no wondering about intangibles, we just became, became whatever we ended up being
in love
I think that’s what people would call it, yes, we only even said that we loved each other one time, after you had told me that we had to get married
you never said it again
no, never, it would have seemed daft, like saying, hey, did you know that I am breathing today
a redundant platitude
yeah
so you think you’ll never have that again
it took me that long to find jane, everyone I have met since wants to do it the hard way
the traditional way, the normy way
I suppose, I sound kinda elitist now, like my expectation of love is so much better than everyone else's
at least you know what you want, you have a template, something special and real
and dead, she died, just like that
I know, babe
I thought I had it with petula, you know
and then she kinda died
she may as well have
have you not even had sex with anyone since then, sorry, I am being too personal
no one
don’t you miss that
I never had sex with jane, we only kissed during the final few weeks
never had sex, like not at all
it never seemed important, we had everything we needed
I never would have guessed that, you always seemed so close
that’s it though, we were so close, we didn’t need sex to stick us together
stick you together, like fucking glue, jesus, is that how you see it
as an evolutionary term it’s kinda accurate
yeah, sounds kinda brutal when you say it like that though
we never spoke about it, we were happy being naked with each other, touching, feeling each other
don’t you miss fucking though, like from before, I seem to recall you did a lot of that then
I did, I guess, it all seems like a dream, those times, it was just what was expected, you can’t just not have sex, can you, people think you’re weird, like there’s something wrong with you
so you never even really wanted to have sex at all
no, I did, I enjoyed it, it’s a fun thing to do
right, so you do have sex drive, sexual urges
sure, yeah
but you have no desire to actually have sex with someone
no
so the stunning petula, you just wanted to hold hands with her and hang out
no, in time we would have been sensual, like I was with jane, being naked together, that sort of closeness
how do you know that she didn’t want to have sex with you
I don’t know that, we never spoke of it, but there was that same feeling that it didn’t feel important
what if she had wanted to fuck and she told you that straight
I don’t know what would have happened
so, tell me this, you know I joke with you about you looking at my arse sometimes
yeah, I do that
so isn’t that sexual
it’s more like your arse is art, the curve thrills me
ok, well, thanks, I guess
you’re welcome
but you definitely did want to fuck me once, didn’t you
yes, the first couple of years I knew you I suppose
so, what changed
we became friends instead
I’m confused
so am I most of the time
I think we should keep drinking until something makes sense
what if if nothing ever does
then we won’t remember
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Comments
Oh this is really good, I
Oh this is really good, I love every episode.
Very philosophical this time. Beautifully written, you are a truly talented wordsmith Beanzie. It's like an impressionist painting, you conjure a whole world for me out of so few words, like brushstrokes.
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I'm sure it makes sense in
I'm sure it makes sense in drink and knowing about drink.
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