My Dinosaur Era Chapter 41

 

bar sport was busy, nearly all locals

we squeezed in at the counter, pointed at stuff

the staff all knew patrycja

I ate greedily, stuffing my mouth full

washing it down with tempranillo

the crowd buzzed

a realisation arose

for the last few days, I had quit thinking

the need to take each thought

rake it over, spit out conclusions

had drifted away

I’m on holiday, that’s what they are for, right

but no, it is more than that

the lightness began with that kiss

when patrycja put her mouth to mine

barely visible now, after drink, through time

I watched her at the bar, as she ordered

behind ginny, her hands on her shoulders

nodding to plates of pintxos

ginny, up to her chest

caught in an aura she could not comprehend

she reached out to me

touched my stomach, gently

I’m still here, she was saying

ginny turned into her, held her like a child might

plates flew over our heads, arms blurred into the background

pieces of smiles flashed across us

in this storm, we are free

 

a table opened up, patrycja beckoned by the staff

sit, sit, please

ginny sits with petula

patrycja next to me

I feel floaty, maybe drunk now

nothing makes sense

everything makes sense

I realised just now that your van is right hand drive, british registered, I say

you just noticed, have you been sleeping, says patrycja

I’m usually pretty good on observational stuff, I say

not that good today, huh, I bought the van when I lived in brighton, right before I left to come here, she says

I bet it cost a few quid, I say

and you wonder where some bum who works in a hotel got that sort of money, she says

yeah, I guess I kinda do, I say

my mother passed away, she didn’t have much, just a small house near krakow but it was enough to buy the van and to take a breath, you know, she says

I’m sorry about your mother, she must have been quite young then, I say

she was eighty, not so young, she says

ah, ok, wait, how old are you then, I say

you think I am too young to have a mother of eighty, yes, she says

I mean, yeah, I guess, I say

I am forty six, she says

wow, yeah, I thought you were the youngest of all of us, I say

I don’t even know how old you all are, people are so obsessed with this number, she says

well, maybe I am as I am the oldest, I say

she shrugs, eats a pintxo with anchovy

so when I said about the flights being booked, you said you had an idea, I say

she nods,chews her food, slugs some beer

yes, we can take the ferry, she says

the ferry, I say

yes, from here to portsmouth, she says

I didn’t even know there was a ferry to england from here, I say

from bilbao, yes, we can take, all go together, she says

you’re coming too, I say

why, you don’t want me to, she says

no, of course I do, it’s just that you have a job here, I say

hmm, I don't like that job so much, I go, I have been here too long, she says

won’t the ferry be booked up and expensive, aren’t they expensive, I say

you worry too much, timmy, she says

yeah, I do, I say

 

let’s go back to the beach, says ginny

in a minute, I’m comfy here, I say

please timmy, I want to swim again, says ginny

I want to swim again too, says petula

hmm, ok, I just ate too much I think, I say

I’ll go with them, you stay here, find us when you are ready, says patrycja

see you in a while, timmy, says ginny

petula hesitates as she stands

shall I stay, I feel bad leaving you alone, says petula

no, you go, have a lovely swim, I say

ok, see you soon, says petula

 

they disappear out of the door

I get up from the table, stand back at the bar

order more pintxos, another glass of wine

the crowds have subsided now

people go back to work, to sleep, to their everyday business

I think of the women at the beach

their joyful laughter, this freedom we have found

for the first time in ages

my mind casts itself home

my half painted flat, a creaking sofa bed

my dwindling bank account

one I have not dared check since we landed

the notion of future has returned

I try to shake it off, loosen its grip on me

the man behind the bar smiles at me

hey, more wine for you, he says

I hold up my glass

si, por favor, I say

the wine arrives, I look at my phone

I am about to put it back into my pocket

message from patrycja

we can get the ferry at lunchtime tomorrow, don’t worry it is cheap, I have a friend

ok, I reply

we can talk later, think about it but we need to say soon if yes, ok, she replies

thanks, will catch you soon, I reply

 

tomorrow feels too soon, yet

we will still all be together

homeward bound

back into the real world

I drink my wine

what way is the beach