My Dinosaur Era Chapter 5

By beanzie
- 18 reads
I don’t know the band we are seeing tonight, ginny had a thing with one of them last year, she’s had a thing with a lot of people in a lot of bands, I guess it’s what she does
she’s in a band
a band that rarely gigs because she has crippling stage fear
they’re great when they do actually play, bluesy rock, ginny lead singer
where else could she be
I look into my pint, dirty lager that I don’t want, ginny is talking to someone by the stage,a woman, tall, short dark hair, massive eyes, maybe she’s the one in the band she used to fuck, so hard to tell, could be any one of them
she’s been in a woman fucking phase but she may have switched to a man fucking phase
I don’t keep track
she comes back over to me
why do you always look sad, she says
because I feel sad, I say
she shrugs
did you see me talking to that woman over there, she says
yes, I says, she’s really tall and has massive eyes, I say
that’s petula, she says
no one is called petula, don’t be silly, I say
yes they are, she is, you are so blinkered sometime, timmy, she says
I shrug
I was telling her about you, she says
what were you telling her, I say
how funny and clever you are, she says
heh, fuck off, I say
no really, I think I sold you, she seemed into it, she says
into what, I say
you, you dummy, she says
why would she be into me, she’s stunning, I say
that’s the spirit, mate, always so fucking positive, she says
it’s true though, I say
it is not true, you moron, she is stunning and she has seen you and for whatever reason, she’s into you, so maybe just roll with it, she says
I shrug
we wait for the headline band to come on
ginny has disappeared into the throng
she’s so tiny, she could be anywhere
small, sweaty venue, I want to go home and watch jurassic park again,
petula has been shuffled to my side
she is too beautiful for me, ginny has lost her mind
again
always trying to find me that elusive woman who will
varnish over all the pain inside me
make me whole again
or
some other nonsense
petula though, I say it over and over in my head
petula
petula
petula
are you having fun, says petula
not really, I say
you look like you want to go home, says petula
I always look like that, I say
she laughs, bites her lip, like she wanted to say something but doesn’t
I actually do want to go home and watch a film, I say
which film, says petula
jurassic park, I say
that is a great film, petula says
yeah, it is, I say
why don’t you go and watch it then if you are not into being here, petula says
I’m trying to get out more and talk to people and ginny made me come, I say
shall we go and watch the film, says petula
right now, I say
yes, says petula
are you not into being here either, I say
not really, too many people, ginny made me come, says petula
let’s buy snacks and drinks from M&S and go, I say
yes, let’s do that, says petula
we go to the M&S in the station, it lights up the night
petula waits outside and smokes
I go in, squinting, head banging with the all the brightness,
booze first, snacks second
I pick up four cans of passion fruit martini and four of gin and tonic
that was easy, snacks are trickier
beef hula hoops, chocolate coated peanuts
I dither over mini scotch eggs, go with no
scotch eggs are not a night time snack, they should be consumed in daylight
pick up some posh crips with a ridiculous flavour
is it enough
is it too much
why is she coming to watch the film with me
she’s too beautiful
her eyes hurt me, oh fuck
outside, she’s leaning against the wall, still smoking
the shop illuminates her, long legs encased in shiny black leggings,
her face partially obscured by the smoke, shadows
she looks at me and I hold up the bag, triumphant
I have hunted and I have gathered
she smiles, flicks her cigarette under a passing bus
I open the door to the flat, trepidatious, is there shit everywhere, is there porn flickering in the dark, is the fridge full of mushed up vegetables and rotting meat
the flat is tiny, a studio, no discernible rooms, just alcoves and a bathroom, deposit courtesy of jane
brighton is so expensive, crippling me, mortgage paid by another shit job, writing copy for a travel site, trying to make horrible sounding hotels seem like they are not so fucking horrible
petula, follows me in, throws off her jacket, it’s warm in here, left the heating on, I think about the meter clicking away, spewing fivers into the air
the place doesn’t look too bad, a couple of discarded sweatshirts but no wank tissues or obvious signs of me falling apart
she slumps onto the sofa, I go to the kitchen alcove, fumble all the stuff onto the counter, search in the cupboards for glasses that don’t make it look like I never use glasses
passion fruit martini in a champagne flute
gin and tonic in a tumbler
posh crisps in a pasta bowl
I’m going to try and stash the chocolate peanuts for myself, too good to share
I turn on a sidelight and petula emerges from the darkness, her face is so symmetrical that it makes me blink, her eyes seem the size of jaffa cakes in this light
why did I go with jaffa cakes, a ludicrous simile
I hand her gin and tonic, crash the crisps down on the coffee table
I sit next to her and turn the TV on, this huge beast that takes up half a wall, my portal to a world beyond my three and a half walls, the endless nooks masquerading as rooms
we’re sitting on my sofa, we’re sitting on my bed
I stand straight up again, realise I still have my jacket on, strip it off
just going to the toilet, I say, she smiles and nods at me
I don’t need to piss, I need to check if the toilet is full of shit or if the sink is caked in shaven hair
it looks ok, I splash bleach around, flush the toilet
I look in the mirror
my eyes are puffy, red, my cheeks are flushed
yet the rest of my face is a pure white
I haven’t shaved in a few days, patchy stubble, ear hair
my shaven head looks huge, it feels like it is filled with a viscose fluid
it sloshes when I think
I want to stay here, behind a locked door
how long would she stay if I just didn’t come out
I think of her on the sofa, waiting to watch jurassic park with me,
why me
I sit on the edge of the bath and stare at a towel
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