I can hear the slight echoes..

I really like this Beeme ;-) I am not an expert in poetic form but for me running several unconnected time slices together like this jars a little and from a personal perspective a little gap between them would help. Do you know what I mean? It's hard to hear slight echoes of trees if it's raining hard on your windscreen. Then you say 'as you approach' and 'the lights are off' - but we were just in a car! This may well be a perfectly acceptable method of writing amongst those in the know and if so then I take it all back but for me perhaps a dash or a newline between the ideas would help - or bring them all into one place. Even if you don't change it I can get over these problems because it has a very nice quality to it. ;-)

Actually the text imo was better before, all I was suggesting was a '-' or something between the ideas.

I can hear the slight echoes of the trees swaying in the wind - angry rain hits the glass of our windscreen - if they say it's over we'll just shout louder because I love you more than words can convey. As you approach I start to flush, although the light is off I'm... would convey the idea of being in a car - and you would need to deal with the 'Outside' part later. It may be best to get a second opinion before you go too far Beeme ;-)

I see I'm not alone in no-comment land today Beeme.;-) This is a nice poem of yours. Let's see if Magic or Sunday have some ideas when they get here. It may well be fine as it stands. :)

Brilliant work Beeme. "I'm so afraid that even when you touch my skin, I shudder; little black butterflies deep inside me" We have all had that feeling in our lifes,when a special moment is about to emerge. Good work, I liked the different emotions and feelings you presented in this piece. One part I wasn't sure about was the ending "shutting down the stars." I wasn't sure what this means. Overall good piece of writing.

Hi Beeme - ok we're on - just got the ok from Tony - so if you can post your poem at 7pm - and please remember - spelling mistakes cost votes ha!ha! so get someone else to check it first if you are at all unsure. It's a competition and may the best man win - hey I'm the only man - should be a walk in the park then ;-) You all polished and ready? Sunday sounds supremely confident :(

Magic, FTSE + tbc + tbc will give you more info as I get it ;-)

I can feel Sunday - pacing up and down - ready to blow us away with her stuff ;-)

Ok Beeme We are very fortunate to have the extremely talented trio of Magic, FTSE and 3Leaf Chris to help us out ;) So - post your poem at 7 on the dot and hopefully the judges will cast their votes at 7:15. Good luck to you and to Sunday. ;-)