Depression

my list of things to do today:
sit. wait.
listen for the phone to ring with that call that won't ever come.
check the email as often as its capacity allows
and don't receive anything.
wait. chew fingernails. blow nose.
write some poetry. can't do it. try drawing. can't do it..
dont want to do anything today.
check email again.
cry a little. does it feel better? no. not yet.
play tennis. hit myself on the calf when i fuck up.
admire my bruises. realise it hurts more than i intended it to.
cry some more. can't stop crying. what's wrong with me?
go to bed early. there's nothing else to do.
talk to my cat, who understands everything.
listen to her purring, fall asleep while tears roll down my nose.