Forlorn

Forlorn,

I have lost what I failed to have to start with.
The hurt is the same,
It is as if all failures I have ever known have come to stare me in the
face
Reminding me of all the reasons why I have lost once more.
You cannot hold on if you don't think you can.
You cannot break a cycle if you don't know how.
You are not able to accept love if you are unable to return love.

Needy,
This is exactly how I do not want to be seen.
I do not want to need.
No person,
No thing
For then you become vulnerable
Weak in the hands of a mere stranger should he reach for you.
I wanted to reach back
I just don't know how.

Rejection
Of self
Of life
And all within it
Therefore the inability to accept anything from someone else.
Rejection of hope.

Tempted
I was so tempted
To grab on to what he offered
To accept that I could be wanted
To come out of where I was deeply hidden
To be taken by the hand
and freed from my self.

Sorry
I am so sorry
I opened my heart only the slightest
I wanted so badly to open it more
To let you in
To let you know me
And touch me deeply.
I just don't know how
Now I'm sorry
I have pushed you away.

Wish
I only wish I could have let you know
You were reaching me
Awakening me
I wish I could have asked you not to stop trying
Not to let me push you away
To hold on tight
Now it is too late.

What have I done?