#8 George W Bush! -- Barney Myerson's Debut

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no great admirer of George W Bush. But in his bumbling, folksy, murderous way, he has actually added greatly to the gaiety of nations. I speak of the Bushism – those solecisms, verbal blunders, mangled formulations and gaffes that have turned him into a sort of dark-side David Coleman.

Bush’s every word has come to be scrutinised and held to ridicule by people more articulate than himself. And at the outset, Bushisms were indeed a delight. Remember this classic: ‘Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.’

But after a while, Bushism quality control began to suffer, and any utterance he makes now seems to be eligible for consideration. Take this recent example: ‘Information is moving through the blogosphere and through the internets’. Wow. He said internets. I think the only living person that would find that funny is Bill Gates.

This all culminated this week in his now famous ‘gaffe’ that occurred during the visit of our own Queen Lizzy 2. I expect you saw the headlines. ‘Bush Rewrites Royal History’. ‘Bush Gaffe Ages Queen 200 Years’. Yes, it appeared that the prez had embarrassed himself by claiming that the Queen had been present at the country’s bicentennial – in 1776. The big, stupid, American dumbo.

Or so you would have imagined from the hysterical reaction that followed. Surely Bush must have said something like, ‘I am pleased to welcome the Queen, who was definitely at our bicentennial in the year 1776, because the USA was founded in 1576, and I genuinely believe her to be 281 years old’. What he actually said was, ‘You've helped our nation celebrate its bicentennial in 17 ... in 1976’. He was thinking of 1976. He said ‘17…’ – not even 1776, just ‘17’. He slightly tripped over his words. Big. Fucking. Deal.

And then he winked at the Queen, which was outrageously claimed by some to be another gaffe. You have to admire the nerve of our parastocracy (I just made that up! Parasites/aristocracy!) for inventing these absurd self-serving rules then accusing anyone blissfully unaware of them of an offensive breach of protocol.

The Queen, humourless old trout that she is, responded to this breezy flirtation – probably the most action she’s had in forty years – with one of her trademark frosty glares. Suitably briefed, she later opened a dinner speech with the words ‘When I was here in 1776’, to much completely genuine, un-sycophantic laughter. Oh, the banter.

Incidentally, remember Bush’s overheard ‘Yo Blair!’ greeting? Journalist Geoffrey Wheatcroft recently named a book about the Blair/Bush relationship after it. But people who have actually bothered to listen to the recording have spotted that Bush really said ‘Yeah Blair!’. Now you may still find that impolite, but the point is that it’s markedly different. Now, naming a whole book after something someone didn’t actually say? That’s what I call a gaffe.

(Barney Myerson)

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