Who's a good doggie&;#063;

"Look at that beautiful sunshine! And only last night we 'ad that
Susannah Charlton saying
'ow it was going to bucket down all day. Just goes to show what she
knows about it."

"We all make mistakes."

"Oh yeah, well let me tell you something. When I left school there were
two jobs they never told us about ... one was 'ow to be an expert and
the other was a weather forecaster. And d'you know why ... because they
always keep the best for themselves, that's why. It's the old school
tie brigade, that's what it is. You've only got to listen to 'em
scattering a few big words 'ere and there to disguise the fact they
'aven't the foggiest idea what they're talking about. I mean, they tell
us it's going to be one big sunshiny day so we make arrangements for a
trip to Yarmouth and what 'appens ... six inches of bleedin'
snow!"

"And my mother used to warn me about empty vessels ... but we all make
mistakes. Still, now it's turned out such a glorious day perhaps you'll
take advantage and tidy up the garden."

"You took the very words out of my mouth but, alas, I've got to take
Heinz 'ere for is walk."

Oh I knew I'd be blamed somewhere along the line. Me ... poor dumd
Heinz. And why's it always my fault? Aren't I supposed to be mans best
friend? And as for that I've got to take Heinz for his walk bit - I
don't recall him asking me if I mind forsaking this juicy bone in
favour of him meeting up with his mates at the cricket in order to down
a swift half. Followed by several other swift halves. And they're the
largest half pints you've ever seen.
And then, under the guise of knowledgeable cricketing enthusiasists,
they'll reminisce about the good ol' days. A conversation strangely
similar to that of the previous week. Mind you, once he's had a few I'm
left to my own devices and, I must admit, I do enjoy wandering around
that wood. It's absolutely brilliant chasing the squirrels ... it's
such a pity I can't climb those trees. And then there's the rabbits ...
except I'm much too big to get down those burrows. And how can I
possibly be expected to catch them birds? All things considered though
it's tremendous fun ... barring the hedgehogs. I do hate hedgehogs. Be
honest ... have you ever come across one with a sense of humour? They
really ought to carry a government health warning.

Strange I didn't see Mitzie this morning. You know, I can't help
laughing whenever I see Master lifting her up and gingerly placing her
in the back of the Volvo estate. She's a right Prima Donna, especially
with that erect fluffy balled thing she calls a tail. Practically every
weekend she's entered into some dog show or other. And she nearly
always wins a meadal. If only you could see her ... strutting around
like some holier-than-thou-virgin. Mind you, if I ever get near her
...

Here we then ... usual bench. And Will's already got the first round
in. Boy, I can't help thinking this is going to be some session. I'll
leave them to it for a while and get me head down.

That was a good kip. Hello, same old stories ... remember when the
vicar's son swaggered out to open the innings on his birthday. The
bowler came running in off this long run, continued past the umpire,
grabbed the startled Jim, kissing him passionately before moving back a
step and then proceeded to strip off in front of him. When Jim realised
he was a she ...!

And Rhino Richardson, when he hit that six straight into the woods and
two pigeons tumbled out of their nest. The next ball he hit even
higher. Up and up it soared before eventually being grabbed by a
passing hang glider. And the best of it was the umpire give him out ...
caught!

That'll do ... I think I'll go a roaming. Hello, the pavilion back
door's open. I can't remember that happening before. Just look at this
table ... chicken, sausage rolls, beef sarnies and all sorts of untold
goodies. Mmmmm this trifle really is delicious. I suppose I'd better
leave some for the players otherwise they'll only be suspicious. One
more of these whatevers won't hurt though. Well, perhaps they won't
miss just one more before I set off for the woods. Hope they leave that
door open next week.

Hello ... what's Mitzie doing here? She must have slipped her lead.
Good for you girl. Now follow me and see how the other half live. No
... if I can't catch them you've no chance. You just stick with me and
you'll soon get the hang of things. Listen Mitz, I've got a wonderful
idea ...

Am I glad he's bought my bowl with him. That's right, fill it to the
brim with that ice cold lager. Boy do I need this, especially after
I've performed volumes for the puppy trade!