Why

im the dog shit on your shoe
the person in the corner
who survives
cos she's strong.
who you can say
what you want to
cos she's strong
who doesnt matter
who's feeling dont count
cos shes strong
she doesnt hurt
she doesnt cry
she doesnt feel
she never asks why
she accepts the crap
you throw her way
cos thats what she is
crap
strong crap. but crap

well i've got news
she's not strong
she does hurt
she does cry
bright scarlet tears
she does feel
when the blade slices
and she sits in the corner
and wishes she fit in.

Years later
and school is out
uni was a failure
cos you made her
weak and not able
to fit in.

so she sits at
her computer
and she writes
stupid poetry
because she wishes
she could feel
without cutting
and though the blade
is in her mind
her leg still hurts
from earlier

so she sits
and she writes
waffle, crap
because thats
all she is
crap
worthy of nothing
of no-one
cos thats what you
made her
and shes angry
and she hurts
but she doesnt cry
because she cant
because tears do
nothing
nothing.

Tears dont
stop the hurt
the pain
the feeling of
loneliness
and tears dont
make her fit in
so she thinks
on the bottle of
paracetamol
to rid the world
of another meaningless
piece of dog shuit

and she writes
so she doesnt bleed
and she bleeds
so she doesnt cry
and she doesnt cry
cos she cant
and sometimes
she wishes she
could cry.
just for once
just to rid herself
of all the crap
and the blade
is in her mind
and her leg
is hurting
where fresh scars
have been created

and still she writes
cos still shes urgy
and she should be
safe in bed
but beds not safe
bed means nightmares
ironic isnt it
her lifes a nightmare
her dreams are too
so she thinks
on the bottle of paracetamol
as escape
and the anger
pulses through her
veins, and she wants
to cut it out.
cutting, one of
the few friends she
has left
the only thing
she can control.
but
her leg
still hurts
from earlier.