Brahma Bwana

Up at 6 &; a mad rush to get the gear together for the flight.
Keels didn't bother ironing his clothes. Two hours later we were at
Bogota Airport, checking in.

'No flights to Leticia today.'

'What?'

'No flights.'

'Well, why the fuck have you given us tickets for today?'

'I don't know.'

A flutter of fatboys eyelids &; an arm rub later, Keels sorted out
flights for the same time tomorrow. He also chatted up the coffee
seller - unbelievable.

Bloody handy really, as I can now go out &; buy the various items
necessary for any suspecting gringoid visiting the Amazon.

Keels said he was a tad tuckered out when we got back to his pad, so it
was time for me to tackle the streets of Bogota on my own. I compiled a
long list of the products needed, then jumped on a bus to a massive
hypermarket on Calle 100, called 'Exito', which was opposite a shanty
like residence of wooden huts &; the stagnant rio that flows through
town. (I have been informed that it is allegedly the most polluted
river in the world). It did stink, but I'm starting to question a
couple of comments that people have made about Bogota. I think people
like cussing it down, but actually love it. It feels far more
friendlier than any Western city I have visited. Obviously there are no
go areas &; deep poverty, but the genuine friendliness of it's
inhabitants is very surprising for a capital city (Caracas excepted).
The shop sold everything I wanted, apart from a mosquito net. I'd
probably say it were a mix between Kwik Save, Mr. Byrite, Millets &;
Homebase. Wicked - I got a fleece sleeping bag, waterproof poncho, two
long sleeved shirts to stave off those blood hungry mozzies from my
arms, a towel &; some coffee for about ?30. When I returned to
Keels' pad, I eagerly showed him my purchases. On ripping my newly
acquired shirts from their packaging, I came to the sad realisation
that they were infact short sleeved.Typical bloody gringo.

We had a couple of spliffs, then I popped out again to a place called
Centro, that is infact, in the north of the city. The place was just
one massive shopping centre. Very plush. I just kept walking around in
circles, triangles, parallelograms &; rhomboids, as I searched in
vain for any shops that looked relevant to my plight. Very strange
layout, there were three floors, but just loads of passages of shops
leading off in all directions. The maps were no good, unless you had
the memory of a ZX81 &; I continually found myself at one of the
twenty-eight thousand exits. The long sleeved shirts on show were all
more than the ?2 I reserved for such items, so I decided that my arms
will have to handle the Amazon without hiding behind a cotton sleeve.
No mosquito nets in the five or six sports shops I visited, so I
decided to have a quick coffee.

As soon as my arse settled on the small plastic seat in the cafeteria,
some 6 ft freak of a man grinned at me, claimed he was a Brahma &;
offered me a cigarette. Could it be the man Horace warned me
about?

Five minutes into the conversation, he has told me he is psychic, he
has walked alone across Bolivia, invited me to Pittsburgh with others
from his brethren &; that he also visits a psychiatrist regularly.
He isn't allowed out of the country without one.

'Why?' I enquired.

'They find my powers as a Brahma disturbing &; are frightened of
me.'

'Do they? You poor little soldier.'

'Yes - I am a very powerful man &; I recognise in you a great deal
of strength.'

'See ya.'

I've got a feeling the grin makes freaks feel they have the green light
to talk to me &; I suppose it does. He thwarted any attempts to
leave by gibbering more insanity for the following half an hour, which
I found quietly amusing. I left the chap at the bus stop &; when I
arrived from my manly experience on the streets of Bogota, Keels
answered his door red eyed. He'd been sleeping all day.

A couple of spliffs &; a Bacardi &; Coke later, we popped out for
some tucker. Some bread filled with lamb &; pepper sauce. Delicious.
Washed down with mulled wine. Divine. Viewed lush square, lush ladies -
bueno place, bueno people. We decided to hire out 3 dodgy videos &;
purchase a bottle of Tequila. On the way back from the video shop, we
walked past some local whores &; boy girls. One of the ladies of the
night decided to drop her skirt to reveal her pert arse, as we
approached. Grins all round.

Didn't see much of the videos - after two tequilas &; Barb Wire, I
crashed. I do vaguely remember Keels waking me, whenever a particularly
freaky scene in The Exorcist came on though. Freak.