Goodbye to Romance

214-xxx-xxxx:
As time passes on, that number becomes less and less significant in my life. Those ten digits used to mean the world to me, it gave me the most excitement, like a kid getting a present he longed for. What I once thought would be unbearable has become a reality, the woman I loved had lost her feelings.
Being more of a math guy, I tend to be quite logical. Everything has a purpose, everything has to make sense. Two months ago however, I was found to be wrong. There are things that simply have no answer. Things that go beyond the realm of cause and effect. One of those things are how people can lose feelings for someone who they mutually invested in and put so much time towards. A woman and man who gave their first kiss to each other. Who gave their heart to one another. Who reassured themselves that the world will make their relationship last. How so much time spent on building a bond can be forgotten and broken within days or less.
It started to make sense at first. She said that she wanted to be alone for now to focus on her life and grow, to become the best person she can be. I only wanted the best for her, I let her go as a lover but could not let her go as a friend. She was someone I cared for more than anything in the world. I couldn't just say goodbye. Our "just friends" stage lasted for two weeks until she admitted being confused about her feelings. Granted she was going through a very difficult time with her personal issues, school and her future, it was still illogical how all those "I love you's" meant nothing. But I had to accept that this was for the best. That later on one of two possibilities will happen: She will either blossom to her fullest potential and come back, giving me the lover I could have never obtained had we continued our relationship, or, someone else will come and give me true love, and adore me as much if not more than I adore her. Some find the future to be a stressful idea, one where responsibilities will start occurring and living the life we are used to will start ceasing. I on the other hand see the future as a list of endless possibilities where life will continue giving more accomplishing opportunities as I get older.
For a week I was not able to eat well. I must have lost 5 pounds through this difficult obstacle. Now the feeling is less that she left me and more of the I've been left. What hurts me most is that my ego has been struck like a bow penetrating flesh. Does this mean that the entire time I only loved myself in this long relationship? That it was her comfort and the sense of security I had with her being my girlfriend that inclined me to stay? The answer, I do not know. What I do know is that I feel ready to meet someone else and fall in love again. With her, she was the first one to have strong feelings for me, I built my feelings gradually and through time shared mutual feelings. I'm not sure if there is anything I can change in myself to assure the source of my blood flow isn't shattered again. I do think that I can change the type of girl that I look for in the future, to choose a girl who is in the stage of her life where she knows what she wants in her life, what her goals are, and what she wants in her man. Until then, goodbye to romance.