You might hate this but you also might smile (rough draft)

I was 17 years old and my mother compels me to promise never to commit suicide.
She told me she could not stand to see the death of her first born, right after she swallowed her pride.
I watch the tears and pain she's failing to hide In her eyes, advising that she wouldn't recover.
I had thoughts on my mind for years but chose not to uncover.
I came pretty close to breaking that promise but Instead wound up In a hospital bed.
I recall the shame and guilt I felt while she sits In a chair watching me.
I cringed every time her shirt drenches from the tears she shed.
The woman who gave me life weeps for what I've done.
I realize the gravity of my actions and how selfish I had been.
It was In that single moment that sparked a love for the sun.
But not just the sun, most importantly a grin.